A place for a

23.06.2016

The devilish male co-dependent double bind, or, anatomy of a cuck

A double bind, as I see it, is a situation where one is confronted with two conflicting desires, effectively rendering the person helpless and making a solution of the problem impossible. It is the scenario of being between a rock and a hard place. Having to evade an approaching train by jumping down from a bridge.

One of the meanest double binds I have experienced and lived with most of my life is something I would say is typical for co-dependent men, especially when it comes to dating, or, to be more precise, living out the sexual drive. But it does not only apply to fucking girls. It also applies to situations of open confrontation and conflict.

The double bind goes something like this:

  1. You have to be liked, wanted, desired and respected.
  2. To be liked, wanted, desired or respected, you have to be confident.
  3. To be confident means to not be dependent on being liked, wanted, desired or respected.

Now, note that I am not talking about objective truths. I am talking about deep, ingrained beliefs and compulsions.

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22.06.2016

Proof (?) that morals are man-made fiction

I will try and make a logical argument that morals are an exclusively human invention and therefore less important in the big picture than we may think. A part of the argument is of Machiavellian nature, but without the negative connotation.

A fine conclusion from it is that it is okay to forgive ourselves and others even the most so-called heinous crimes. And let go of pain.

My argument is really simple. I will give you the short version now and then elaborate a bit. It goes as follows:

Morals in the way we know them are exclusive to the human species. God likely does not punish animals for acting in a manner that would be considered immoral from a human perspective, nor is it likely that they feel guilt or shame for such behavior. Also very likely, our soul – the essence of our being – is not human. Therefore, it is unlikely that God favors human souls over animal souls, since the soul in itself is not human and is thus equal to any other soul. Hence, morals are an exclusive human instrument, primarily used for intra-species power plays – be that a good or bad thing, if you get the pun.

Well, that turned out to be not quite as clear as I hoped it would, but it should suffice to give you the gist for now.

So now, let me elaborate a little.

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18.06.2016

Let Reinhold Hanning go free, you bloody do-gooders

BBC reports that former Auschwitz guard Reinhold Hanning was sentenced to five years in prison. The man is 94 years old. He did not actually kill anybody. He just did nothing to help and, well, he was there.

So burn him, for fucks sake, if it brings you pleasure. What do I care. Who am I to judge you for judging. But let me ask you if you had sacrificed your life in the vain attempt to help all those people. What is your answer? Probably something like: Well, I want to think I would have.

But there is something else that I find interesting about the article. It is a form of rhetorical manipulation that I think is very common and also very moronic.

As Mr. Hanning sits in court, confronting some super-duper victims, he is described as follows in BBC’s article:

Observers said Hanning, in a wheelchair, remained silent and emotionless for much of the trial, avoiding eye contact with anyone in the courtroom.

While one of the super-duper victims is described as follows:

Mr Glied, a dignified man with thick white hair and a ready smile, now lives in Canada. He was accompanied today by his daughter and granddaughter.

Side note: Glied, in German, means member. When used in slang, it usually means dick.

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10.06.2016

Fear is a program on your body computer

I wanted to go to the city today to buy something. As I contemplated the idea, I started to feel anxious. The idea of being in the city centre with lots of people around me did not feel absolutely terrifying, but still very uncomfortable. Social anxiety, or perhaps a mild agoraphobia, would be the correct scientific term.

Usually, I just push this stuff down and throw myself into the situation – or avoid it altogether. But in the long term, this kind of coping seems to make things worse, not better.

An idea that sometimes helps me be mindful about my emotions and thoughts is to see myself as pure consciousness or soul – let me call it operator for the sake of this article – residing in a human body, which I interpret as a computer with software on it. Or a tablet or an iPhone, whatever you can identify most with.

This concept helps me to detach enough from my emotions and reactions to observe them and try to understand them.

Social anxiety can be such a program. Its basic functionality is: Look for signs of social contact. If detected, create a push notification to notify the operator about the danger, and create physical resistance in the form of automated movements and/or pain to avoid exposure to the danger.

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04.06.2016

The ways we give up personal power

I have been pretty obsessed with the idea of unconditional love recently. And I still think it is an important thing to get to know, even if I am not there yet. But my obsession may have blinded me to other aspects of reality. Yesterday, I came over an article that elaborates on the power chakra.

It made me think about the ways in which I give up personal power in my daily life. The ways I either compromise my own boundaries or disrespect those of others.

A very good example of this is how I used to follow around women, listening to their personal problems and stories, in the hopes for more – which never came. It was draining, but I was not respecting my gut feeling there. In fact, I was ashamed of it. Recently, I have become angry about that and I have even written angry text messages to those girls.

But the important insight for me is that I have indeed allowed them to use me for their nonsense and then discard me, even if that was on an unconscious level. They were only doing what I, on an energetic level, gave them permission to do. I had hidden motives, sure, but they still did nothing I did not fully allow them to do in my heart (or power chakra?).

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03.05.2016

Is your pain created by yourself or others?

I want to ask you a question. I want to ask you to answer it spontaneously, without thinking, out of your gut. The question is: Who creates all the pain in your life?

Okay, I admit it. I am not that creative. This question is just a variation of something a woman asked me in response to a Quora question of mine about free will. She wrote: Who creates your life? Although it seemingly had no connection to my question, I felt a deep desire to answer this question. And although I did not fully understand my own answer, it was simple: I. I create my life. I choose everything I am and everything I experience.

I still do not fully understand it. But I can not deny that the only answer that feels right is still the same.

There is a cool site called Existential Comics with lots of comics poking fun at philosophers of all ages. Here is a fun bit about stoicism. The message is a bit similar: You can not harm me. It is only me who can choose to suffer from events I have no control over.

I have been doing meditation for about half a year now and about two weeks ago I had a short insight into how this is true. I was at cinema and the ads started running as they always do. And as always, I had a reflexive reaction to them: I felt contempt, boredom, ridicule.

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09.04.2016

A phenotypical explanation of fear of women

Recently, I used to have dreams in which my mother ridiculed and humiliated me. I wanted to strike her, but something kept me from it, I felt paralyzed. There was also this one time where my mother threw a nice skull I owned out of the window. I wanted to punch her, but I felt a similar kind of fearful resistance.

Now, I have been thinking. Does it make sense to be afraid of women purely for reasons of shaming tactics or to avoid rejection? It does not quite add up.

Some time ago, a commenter remarked about a picture of me and my mother and my grandmother that it is obvious that they must be afraid of me physically. It is a thought that never entered my head and it is true that I am much stronger and taller than my mother and other women, for whatever it’s worth.

Some time later, during my meditations, I was reminded of the fact that my mother used to beat me when I was still too young to defend myself. Got me thinking.

What if fear of women is – partly – just a residual fear leftover from days when women were still ones physical superiors?

10.02.2016

Anti-indoctrination indoctrination

This is a tough nut cookie to crack and subversive. You are trying to open up to something new, but then your subconscious picks up on some pattern and triggers your defenses. For example, you may want to partake in a healing ritual, but then you recognize that there is a shaman and that the whole thing is demonic and evil, which closes you up to it.

Ironically, to protect someone from indoctrination, you have to make him aware of the ways in which he will be indoctrinated. But that is indoctrination in and of itself and ultimately only a safeguard for loyalty to possible bullshit.

Those weed smoking hippies are brainless and no good.

Those occult witchmasters will steal your soul.

Those conspiracy theorists are all morons who just want to see what is not there.

You learn these ideas in a friendly environment that you trust.

Another one: Men are evil, vile and selfish. The assholes will try to take you away from my safe and good teachings and that will be your downfall.

In principle, you describe human behavior typical for a belief group and then shame it or associate it with fear. If these successfully predict a pattern of behavior that would naturally challenge your beliefs, the safeguard knocks in.

Call the lion a lion to shame it. Oh, you are just being a lion here, shame on you!

08.02.2016

Envy is self-hatred

Envy is decried as unvirtuous and seen as an emotion directed at somebody’s success, but it is not. Envy is an impulse to compete, but this impulse – in the case of envy – is compulsive. That is, the envying person like an addict is not free to choose whether he wants to be better than the other person.

He simply must be superior. He does not even know why.

Logically, this compulsive obsession is alleviated the easiest way by crushing the tall poppy rather than outcompeting him.

The envious person feels bad when he sees success, because he feels the compulsive need to outperform the other person. How annoying to him. Best to create a microcosm where his superiority is never in doubt.

In any case, why the compulsion? It is the compulsion to escape self-hatred, triggered by being inferior. We learn how to treat our self – read: us – by how our parents treated our self.

We learned to hate ourselves when we were not the best. Or loathe. Or despise. Because we did not get the love we needed when we were not somehow superb.

Unreflectedly, there are two defense mechanisms:

  1. The cowardly way: Throw down another’s success.
  2. The noble way: Be at the top by beating the other dude.

Narcissistic culture propagates the noble way. Keeps the cash running. The Joneses and all that. And never forget the anti-depressive pills, yum yum.

Of course, one may suggest that one rather start to learn to treat oneself better and not hate oneself for being inferior.

But do you really hate the other person? No, you hate your idea and feeling of the other person. But these are parts of your self. Every hatred is self-hatred.

Self-hatred can be channeled into pointless heroism, but ultimately, it is a more or less conscious way of self-inflicted cruelty.

Envy is a self-destructive yet intuitive way off saying fuck you to those who demand pointless greatness of you.

01.02.2016

Greatness: Envy, respect or indifference?

Many successful people go on about their haters. Sooner or later, you will find some kind of post where they vent about all the haters. My former Muay Thai instructor did it almost constantly and this photographer here did it once, too. They go on about all the hard work they put in that nobody sees. You are just enviousYou do not see those sleepless nights!

Well, I guess that people do become envious. Sure. Who does not. But sometimes even your favorite photographer can post a picture that you simply dislike. And what would you say if you wanted to be honest and the photographer was your friend? Well, you would likely say this is shit.

I once commented on a photograph of Ronda Rousey that I hate the fact that there are women out there who could beat me to pulp. The fitness coach who had posted it came-a-running and told me to do something about it! Yeah, yeah, I get it. We all push each other to greatness. Blah, blah. How predictable.

But what if my road to greatness does not lead through the gym? What if I just want to express an emotion here without having to already be on my way to be better? Hell, if I lept to my feet to work hard towards greatness every time I was envious, I would be on a quest to be better than everyone at everything. But my greatness is not necessarily your greatness.

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