Had a little trip on LSA yesterday. I had a fine little insight. Humbling as this stuff is, though, I must add that it may only be valid for me. And for those who desire similar human experiences as mine. Anyway, the insight is: The thing you are secretly most attached to – is the things you most fear. You, at the core of your being, desire nothing more than to embrace exactly that which you fear.
If you are a man of god and your greatest fear is irrationality, indecency and hell – then that is what you really crave to allow yourself to feel. To feel complete and finally let go.
And if you, then, most fear being hated and condemned by god for wanting that – then that is the experience you crave as well.
Yes, life is that fucking flexible.
That which we most suppress – is that which we least can let go. When we hate something, it is because we want to hate it, too. Really. I do not mean this in any metaphysical way. Literally. It is because we want to experience hating it. And the cool thing is that there is nothing wrong about that. Unless, of course, you want there to be something wrong about it – in which case that is the experience you get.
Ah, I am drifting away from my original point.
The hater is the closet lover.
The fearer as well.
The moment we choose something with our mind we choose it over something else and that something else is our closeted love. Exclusive desire – desire that excludes the non-desired – always creates a closet desire for the non-desired. Matter creates anti-matter. And they want back together. Yin and yang. Vag and dick.
Fear is an attachment to something.
That means we hold it dear somehow.
That’s absolutely okay.
Or not, if you don’t want it to be. :)
You know, I may not even be right, though. In fact, I think that the moment I start believing that this is true – I will create a secret attachment to a reality where it is not. And it will come to bite me in the ass and remind me that no belief is absolute. And the moment I believe no belief is absolute, I will be devastated to experience a reality in which it is. Or not? I must be bonkers. Am I? Who cares. Gotcha. I care, of course. And I don’t. Everything is true. Or not. I could go on like this forever. Or not.