A place for a

24.09.2015

Trust no one – You fucking arseholes!

The bell rings. The police is here. Three proud men proclaiming they have come to search my place. I stare them down, but the guy who is one head taller than me holds eye contact supremely well. I annoyedly let them in.

This time, I will not pretend to like it. I will not pretend to be Mr. Nice Boy who reacts in the correct way. Fuck you.

They tell me I have a right to calmly read the whole piece of paper that allows them to search my flat. Right? Allows? What the fuck? So if it is allowed, I can stay calm? Fuck you.

I take my time reading it. All those official words in there and paragraphs with numbers, giving it importance, because I am conditioned to feel awe when I see a paragraph with a number. Cause it means big buildings, prisons, court rooms, blah blah.

I do not notice that the crime I am charged of is two days ahead – fucking idiots.

Continue reading “Trust no one – You fucking arseholes!

25.06.2015

Ayahuasca: The devil called me to Peru – Part 3: Hell

I leave the damned Maloka in the morning. Only people inside beside me were the German guy and the girl, asked for the time. Mh, something around 6 a.m., time to go back to my own wooden housy. Some people of the tribe sit around.

The way to my hut leads past the hut of the black chick. God, I want to fuck her. What will you do about it, Son? Don’t know, God, nothing?

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20.06.2015

How to deal with failure – Part 2: Inner emptiness

Why is it called inner emptiness? There’s no way something inside you can be empty, after all. Fight or flight. I guess the inner emptiness comes from the notion that when everything around you falls to pieces, there should be some thing inside you on which to hold on to. Confidence. The knowledge that everything will be good. But your grasp reaches out and meets nothing.

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10.06.2015

How to deal with failure – Part 1: Feel pathetic

I haven’t masturbated but twice in four days. For some reason my sex drive is shooting through the sky, I can barely think clearly. I’m sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s. Do you know the mory feeling in your chest when you love somebody deeply, as if something inside your thorax was somehow vibrating in harmony with all your surroundings? I feel just that way – but I feel it all around my dick.

Hearing test, once more. I’m not confident. In fact I’m terrified, but the intensity of my lust makes it clear to me that there’s no way I’m not going to try to fuck the lewd redhead right at this place. And as I imagine it, something is very different from the last times I was sitting here. It has always been a fantasy, to be indulged in. Now the vision is real and my body is preparing itself for the trivial movements that would be necessary to take her. Trivial yet untrained.

My body craves her, yet I do not even know if she is here.

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21.03.2015

50 shades of a oneitis – meet Christian “Nice Guy” Grey

This is a movie review of “Fifty Shades of Grey” and a great study on the wicked way women want men to be.

How many women have lived here? – Fifteen. – That’s a lot of women. And it’s a lot to believe, too. Christian Grey, self-proclaimed people’s person, looks away in annoyance and shame when he sees a confident guy make out with Ana’s friend.

E. L. James’s so-called dominant is a bit like me, the perfectly controllable covert narcissist. On first sight, Christian Grey is an absolute alpha, desirable and intimidating. But Fifty Shares of Grey was written by an obese woman who doesn’t feel worthy of – if entitled to – such a man, so she needed to castrate Christian by making him obsess over Ana. James conceived a bland feministic narrative that ostensibly exposes the sickness of man’s sexual aggression, yet unwittingly demonstrates the uncompassionate cruelty of a spoiled girl’s fantasy. Oh, well, it’s just entertainment and a harmless fantasy. Wrong. Everything has a meaning.

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02.03.2015

Review of “Manipulism and the Weapon of Guilt”

Or: Is dystopia real?

Manipulism and the Weapon of Guilt: Collectivism Exposed is a book written by Mikkel Clair Nissen, a man I have known through Facebook for two years and whom I value as an honest person and discussion partner. I wish I could say friend, but I have not met him yet. There will be a time for that.

Mikkel’s book touches upon a topic that has had great impact on my life: narcissism and the politics that a narcissist desires, namely a welfare state.

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