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How could you prove equality?

The manosphere lured me with it’s contempt for women. Yet I was lazy. That contempt stems from knowledge I didn’t have; I want to despise women in a healthy dose, but that privilege has to be earned. To surpass the pretense of contempt, the judgment has to become my own and it has to be one of conviction, not one of wishful thinking. In other words: To be confident, I need to despise the actually despicable, not those I want to despise. Reality must not be faked.

And to harden a belief, you actually have to challenge it. To strengthen conviction, you must let it go.

Are women stupid? Inferior? Different? Are gender roles social constructs? If so, what consequences does that have?

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The red pill: The truth about man’s quest for truth

All Forms of Feminism Are Anti-Male. Feminine values lead men to suppress aggression.

Men Need Feminism. Yeah, it’s tough to beat yourself up over not being man enough.

The world is full of contradictions – or, rather, the mind can be full of confusion. Growing up without a father or other trusted male role model leaves you with infinite possibilities on how to deal with your dick. This confusion can lead you on a path for the search for truth, to expose lies and find hidden secrets that will finally explain everything. But what is truth? Why do you crave it and how does it serve you?

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Ayahuasca: The devil called me to Peru – Part 5: Reed

Tom. They call my name. The words float along a sphere that surrounds me, I’m safe from them. The warmth of my piss runs down my stomach. Will I care what they will think of me when I gain my mind back? Why did I ever care?

I can’t lie here with open arms, too vulnerable, so I decide to cower in fetal position. Eyes wide open in agony, I avoid looking into anyone’s face. Whenever I do, I feel their gaze pierce through my skull. A group of strangers stands around me: Well. One in five hundred, that’s still a good number. This one was a tough one.” A moment of silence. “We may need to get some guys here to bring him away.” The words are meant for me. Meant to move me, meant to disturb me. But they float on a sphere and I am away.

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A mentor’s fallacy: Acquisition of beliefs

The concept of false beliefs is probably as old as religion. Jokes aside, it is a common wisdom of the self-improvement gurus that it is often your false beliefs that hinder you. Like “I am worthless” or other meaningless stuff like that.

Yet if this is such a common wisdom, how come not everybody is on their way to be a superstar? Let’s take a positive belief like “there is no reason to fear girls”. Indeed, a belief like that can make all the difference between a successful player and someone who doesn’t even go out.

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Ayahuasca: The devil called me to Peru – Part 4: Scream

I know the devil’s name. It’s Wurxlkwarxl. Really, wow. Do you want to know why? Yes, tell me. It is chaos in the guise of humour. This house here, it is structure. It is proof that god exists. Do you think this place is bad? Yes.

I would be talking to the Viking. I would be telling him about god, about hell. I would be telling the Viking that the shaman was the devil, without flinching.

But that would be later, hours in the future. The seconds are long in the jungle.

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Ayahuasca: The devil called me to Peru – Part 3: Hell

I leave the damned Maloka in the morning. Only people inside beside me were the German guy and the girl, asked for the time. Mh, something around 6 a.m., time to go back to my own wooden housy. Some people of the tribe sit around.

The way to my hut leads past the hut of the black chick. God, I want to fuck her. What will you do about it, Son? Don’t know, God, nothing?

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How to deal with failure – Part 1: Feel pathetic

I haven’t masturbated but twice in four days. For some reason my sex drive is shooting through the sky, I can barely think clearly. I’m sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s. Do you know the mory feeling in your chest when you love somebody deeply, as if something inside your thorax was somehow vibrating in harmony with all your surroundings? I feel just that way – but I feel it all around my dick.

Hearing test, once more. I’m not confident. In fact I’m terrified, but the intensity of my lust makes it clear to me that there’s no way I’m not going to try to fuck the lewd redhead right at this place. And as I imagine it, something is very different from the last times I was sitting here. It has always been a fantasy, to be indulged in. Now the vision is real and my body is preparing itself for the trivial movements that would be necessary to take her. Trivial yet untrained.

My body craves her, yet I do not even know if she is here.

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Equality is ridiculous

I want to try and express a sentiment that has been preparing inside me for weeks.

For over a year now, I have lived a very isolated life. There are good and bad sides to it. One aspect of the way I chose to live is that I virtually ignored all media. Newspapers, television, it all went by me. I had no friends, nothing, nobody to taint me with any kind of preconception about the world, especially in the last six months.

As I make my way back into society, there is one thing that strikes me: The ridiculousness of equality.

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