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27.06.2016

The pseudo-intellectualism of contemporary discussions about homosexuality

Liberals usually claim that homosexuality is inborn. Religious people and manospherians usually claim that homosexuality is a mental illness. Both commit the same fallacy, an appeal to nature based on personal bias. Both assumptions, when declared doctrine, are potentially harmful.

If we declare that homosexuality is inborn, we take all hope away from those who truly suffer from emotional disturbances and developmental setbacks. They are left in a desperate situation and when trying to reconcile the conflicting voices in their heads, they feel forced to support the voice that urges them into homosexuality, inflicting strong pain on themselves from even thinking about it.

On the other hand, I think it is plausible to make room for the assumption that some people are truly homosexual at their core and suffer gravely from having to repress that. Telling them that homosexuality is a mental illness hurts them just as much as those who experience the dilemma from the other perspective.

To make a little analogy, there may be a man who truly enjoys photography and art. And there may be another man who truly enjoys hard work and carrying around big bricks at the building site. Now let’s assume that each of them thinks that his profession is the only true and natural thing to do for a real man. They get children. The artist’s kid would secretly love nothing more than to be a hard worker. The hard worker’s kid would love nothing more secretly than to be an artist. Let us assume that both shame their kids for not doing what they think is the right way. Both kids suffer for having to be something they do not truly wish to be, feeling guilty towards their parents for not truly wanting to be their narcissistic mirror image. And yet, the fact that the kids suffer from having to live a life that does not fit them does not mean that this life would not perfectly fit somebody else.

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22.06.2016

Proof (?) that morals are man-made fiction

I will try and make a logical argument that morals are an exclusively human invention and therefore less important in the big picture than we may think. A part of the argument is of Machiavellian nature, but without the negative connotation.

A fine conclusion from it is that it is okay to forgive ourselves and others even the most so-called heinous crimes. And let go of pain.

My argument is really simple. I will give you the short version now and then elaborate a bit. It goes as follows:

Morals in the way we know them are exclusive to the human species. God likely does not punish animals for acting in a manner that would be considered immoral from a human perspective, nor is it likely that they feel guilt or shame for such behavior. Also very likely, our soul – the essence of our being – is not human. Therefore, it is unlikely that God favors human souls over animal souls, since the soul in itself is not human and is thus equal to any other soul. Hence, morals are an exclusive human instrument, primarily used for intra-species power plays – be that a good or bad thing, if you get the pun.

Well, that turned out to be not quite as clear as I hoped it would, but it should suffice to give you the gist for now.

So now, let me elaborate a little.

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12.06.2016

Anger

Anger. Anger so strong it seems to tear your muscles. Anger so strong it makes you want to throw up. Anger so strong it makes you feel dead. Anger fueled by shame, hatred, fear and time. Anger you can not contain, anger that takes you over and makes you its slave. Anger that makes you think of murder when you see beauty. Anger that burns, anger that freezes. Anger that isolates you, anger that makes you enjoy misery. Anger that violates your senses, anger that radiates, anger that consumes love and spits it out in disgust. Anger without trust. Anger unspoken of, anger not allowed to exist. Anger braking joy, anger breaking toys. Anger that destroys gods. Anger that belongs to a god. Anger in the shadows, anger burning meadows. Anger that does not forgive, anger that is unforgiven. Anger that attacks itself, anger yearning for hell. Anger seeking justice, seeking cause. Anger that is lost. Anger never born, anger full of scorn. Anger spreading terror, anger that is an error.

Anger that is a stranger. Anger that is a friend.

Beloved anger, forever mine, I am forever thine. Goodbye.

10.06.2016

Fear is a program on your body computer

I wanted to go to the city today to buy something. As I contemplated the idea, I started to feel anxious. The idea of being in the city centre with lots of people around me did not feel absolutely terrifying, but still very uncomfortable. Social anxiety, or perhaps a mild agoraphobia, would be the correct scientific term.

Usually, I just push this stuff down and throw myself into the situation – or avoid it altogether. But in the long term, this kind of coping seems to make things worse, not better.

An idea that sometimes helps me be mindful about my emotions and thoughts is to see myself as pure consciousness or soul – let me call it operator for the sake of this article – residing in a human body, which I interpret as a computer with software on it. Or a tablet or an iPhone, whatever you can identify most with.

This concept helps me to detach enough from my emotions and reactions to observe them and try to understand them.

Social anxiety can be such a program. Its basic functionality is: Look for signs of social contact. If detected, create a push notification to notify the operator about the danger, and create physical resistance in the form of automated movements and/or pain to avoid exposure to the danger.

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27.05.2016

What you most fear is what you most desire

Had a little trip on LSA yesterday. I had a fine little insight. Humbling as this stuff is, though, I must add that it may only be valid for me. And for those who desire similar human experiences as mine. Anyway, the insight is: The thing you are secretly most attached to – is the things you most fear. You, at the core of your being, desire nothing more than to embrace exactly that which you fear.

If you are a man of god and your greatest fear is irrationality, indecency and hell – then that is what you really crave to allow yourself to feel. To feel complete and finally let go.

And if you, then, most fear being hated and condemned by god for wanting that – then that is the experience you crave as well.

Yes, life is that fucking flexible.

That which we most suppress – is that which we least can let go. When we hate something, it is because we want to hate it, too. Really. I do not mean this in any metaphysical way. Literally. It is because we want to experience hating it. And the cool thing is that there is nothing wrong about that. Unless, of course, you want there to be something wrong about it – in which case that is the experience you get.

Ah, I am drifting away from my original point.

The hater is the closet lover.

The fearer as well.

The moment we choose something with our mind we choose it over something else and that something else is our closeted love. Exclusive desire – desire that excludes the non-desired – always creates a closet desire for the non-desired. Matter creates anti-matter. And they want back together. Yin and yang. Vag and dick.

Fear is an attachment to something.

That means we hold it dear somehow.

That’s absolutely okay.

Or not, if you don’t want it to be. :)

You know, I may not even be right, though. In fact, I think that the moment I start believing that this is true – I will create a secret attachment to a reality where it is not. And it will come to bite me in the ass and remind me that no belief is absolute. And the moment I believe no belief is absolute, I will be devastated to experience a reality in which it is. Or not? I must be bonkers. Am I? Who cares. Gotcha. I care, of course. And I don’t. Everything is true. Or not. I could go on like this forever. Or not.

09.04.2016

A phenotypical explanation of fear of women

Recently, I used to have dreams in which my mother ridiculed and humiliated me. I wanted to strike her, but something kept me from it, I felt paralyzed. There was also this one time where my mother threw a nice skull I owned out of the window. I wanted to punch her, but I felt a similar kind of fearful resistance.

Now, I have been thinking. Does it make sense to be afraid of women purely for reasons of shaming tactics or to avoid rejection? It does not quite add up.

Some time ago, a commenter remarked about a picture of me and my mother and my grandmother that it is obvious that they must be afraid of me physically. It is a thought that never entered my head and it is true that I am much stronger and taller than my mother and other women, for whatever it’s worth.

Some time later, during my meditations, I was reminded of the fact that my mother used to beat me when I was still too young to defend myself. Got me thinking.

What if fear of women is – partly – just a residual fear leftover from days when women were still ones physical superiors?

23.02.2016

Fighting the system – Part 2: My cell

The car arrives at the police station. I wait for one of the cops to open the door and I stand up. One of the cops authoritatively grabs my left arm. I calmly tell him that I managed to learn to walk on my own during the course of my lifetime. I slightly stutter as I say it and the cop mocks me for it.

Who cares.

We walk into the station and eyes from the many desks meet me with habituated and empty curiosity. I stare back and study them.

They bring me towards a cell and I have to put off my shoes. One of the cops pulls the cord out of my jogging pants. Classic. Am I proposed the idea of strangling myself to death with it?

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14.02.2016

School grades do not prepare you for life

Proponents of grades often argue that they prepare you for real life where your efforts are evaluated based on merit. This is ridiculously wrong. The way your efforts are evaluated in real life is practically the direct opposite of how they are evaluated at school.

At school, you have an established authority. This person represents the standard and individual taste against which your efforts will be evaluated. Usually, this person is not even free in that. Rather, that person in itself is a representant of established globalized norms and standards.

A whole country learns the same things by the same standards and everybody’s efforts are evaluated against the codified rules of this standard.

This is the polar opposite of reality, where following the rules is the sure fire way to get absolutely nowhere.

I mean, sure, you always get judged. But in real life, people judge you by whether you fulfill some need of theirs. And people’s needs are diverse. And I promise you that no person has the deep-seated emotional need of a grade A from the federal government. Unless this person is an office shredder.

And since nobody really has a need for a piece of paper that says that you are smart, there is no need to focus your efforts on acquiring the skills necessary to get such a paper.

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08.02.2016

Envy is self-hatred

Envy is decried as unvirtuous and seen as an emotion directed at somebody’s success, but it is not. Envy is an impulse to compete, but this impulse – in the case of envy – is compulsive. That is, the envying person like an addict is not free to choose whether he wants to be better than the other person.

He simply must be superior. He does not even know why.

Logically, this compulsive obsession is alleviated the easiest way by crushing the tall poppy rather than outcompeting him.

The envious person feels bad when he sees success, because he feels the compulsive need to outperform the other person. How annoying to him. Best to create a microcosm where his superiority is never in doubt.

In any case, why the compulsion? It is the compulsion to escape self-hatred, triggered by being inferior. We learn how to treat our self – read: us – by how our parents treated our self.

We learned to hate ourselves when we were not the best. Or loathe. Or despise. Because we did not get the love we needed when we were not somehow superb.

Unreflectedly, there are two defense mechanisms:

  1. The cowardly way: Throw down another’s success.
  2. The noble way: Be at the top by beating the other dude.

Narcissistic culture propagates the noble way. Keeps the cash running. The Joneses and all that. And never forget the anti-depressive pills, yum yum.

Of course, one may suggest that one rather start to learn to treat oneself better and not hate oneself for being inferior.

But do you really hate the other person? No, you hate your idea and feeling of the other person. But these are parts of your self. Every hatred is self-hatred.

Self-hatred can be channeled into pointless heroism, but ultimately, it is a more or less conscious way of self-inflicted cruelty.

Envy is a self-destructive yet intuitive way off saying fuck you to those who demand pointless greatness of you.

20.12.2015

Is waterboarding torture?

This article has been originally published on Return Of Kings.

It’s been some time since waterboarding was in the public eye, so I’m not in the trend right now. Nevertheless, emotionalism and human rights are topics that persist like a chronic disease. Kids who drown in comfort seek escape from boredom by meaningfully protesting against something in the streets of big cities. Every week I am at least once bound to be harassed by zealots of some good cause.

My Facebook feed happened to spit out a joke about waterboarding today and I got curious. For a topic that attracts such huge amounts of verbal incontinence, few people seem to know anything about it. Fat slobs or experts who don’t seem to have much experience with pain go around telling everybody how inhumane it is, so that everybody can be part of being against something so terrible they lack the words to describe it.

But anyway, what much is there to know about waterboarding for such a deep, intellectual discussion? It’s not black magic. You need a can of water, a cloth and you need to lie down. What the hell keeps me from trying this?

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