Look at this interview excerpt from 60 Minutes from 2015. See how the reporter constantly nags him? You would think only bitches do so-called shit tests, but then, men can be bitches, too. How does he handle the shit tests? He doesn’t. He is oblivious to it. Shit tests are not logical tests where you have to give the right answer. They are emotional hacks that only work on insecure people. When you are insecure, a shit test triggers shame, guilt or fear. These emotions compel you to give an answer you think the other person may want to hear. Trump is oblivious to them. Why? Because he says This is a shit test, I need to agree and amplify? Or because he pushes himself up with affirmations like I am the shit, I am always right? No. He doesn’t need to use tricks to pass shit tests, because he is simply not vulnerable to them. He talks to a bitchy moderator and he probably just thinks Well, this guy is bitchy. If even. He probably does not even care. He talks facts and gives straight answers even to obvious passive-aggressive interrogation-type questioning.
What’s the secret? Should you imitate him? Nah. You should fucking heal your shame and guilt and fear issues and then you will not feel the need to justify yourself to someone else just because that other person holds different values. You will just think Oh well, alright, so this person doesn’t like what I do. That’s okay, I can respect that.
Probably, you will not even think about it. You will not need to judge or categorize the other person’s behavior. You will just treat them with respect, even if they are bitchy. Why? Because you are strong enough not to care about whether that makes you look weak or something. It will just be a matter of: Well, I treat everybody the same. Not because of who they are, but because of who I am.
A double bind, as I see it, is a situation where one is confronted with two conflicting desires, effectively rendering the person helpless and making a solution of the problem impossible. It is the scenario of being between a rock and a hard place. Having to evade an approaching train by jumping down from a bridge.
One of the meanest double binds I have experienced and lived with most of my life is something I would say is typical for co-dependent men, especially when it comes to dating, or, to be more precise, living out the sexual drive. But it does not only apply to fucking girls. It also applies to situations of open confrontation and conflict.
The double bind goes something like this:
- You have to be liked, wanted, desired and respected.
- To be liked, wanted, desired or respected, you have to be confident.
- To be confident means to not be dependent on being liked, wanted, desired or respected.
Now, note that I am not talking about objective truths. I am talking about deep, ingrained beliefs and compulsions.
Continue reading “The devilish male co-dependent double bind, or, anatomy of a cuck”
I wanted to go to the city today to buy something. As I contemplated the idea, I started to feel anxious. The idea of being in the city centre with lots of people around me did not feel absolutely terrifying, but still very uncomfortable. Social anxiety, or perhaps a mild agoraphobia, would be the correct scientific term.
Usually, I just push this stuff down and throw myself into the situation – or avoid it altogether. But in the long term, this kind of coping seems to make things worse, not better.
An idea that sometimes helps me be mindful about my emotions and thoughts is to see myself as pure consciousness or soul – let me call it operator for the sake of this article – residing in a human body, which I interpret as a computer with software on it. Or a tablet or an iPhone, whatever you can identify most with.
This concept helps me to detach enough from my emotions and reactions to observe them and try to understand them.
Social anxiety can be such a program. Its basic functionality is: Look for signs of social contact. If detected, create a push notification to notify the operator about the danger, and create physical resistance in the form of automated movements and/or pain to avoid exposure to the danger.
Continue reading “Fear is a program on your body computer”
I have been pretty obsessed with the idea of unconditional love recently. And I still think it is an important thing to get to know, even if I am not there yet. But my obsession may have blinded me to other aspects of reality. Yesterday, I came over an article that elaborates on the power chakra.
It made me think about the ways in which I give up personal power in my daily life. The ways I either compromise my own boundaries or disrespect those of others.
A very good example of this is how I used to follow around women, listening to their personal problems and stories, in the hopes for more – which never came. It was draining, but I was not respecting my gut feeling there. In fact, I was ashamed of it. Recently, I have become angry about that and I have even written angry text messages to those girls.
But the important insight for me is that I have indeed allowed them to use me for their nonsense and then discard me, even if that was on an unconscious level. They were only doing what I, on an energetic level, gave them permission to do. I had hidden motives, sure, but they still did nothing I did not fully allow them to do in my heart (or power chakra?).
Continue reading “The ways we give up personal power”
I am prone to judging myself pretty strongly. In those situations, my thoughts often revolve around what other people will think. I think this is a trick of the mind. Who is really the author of your pain? The thoughts and opinions of others? But when you are alone in your room, there are no thoughts of others. There are just your own thoughts thinking about what others will think. Your own self-judgment disguised as judgment of others. This is ideal for the mind that wants to convince you you are powerless. I mean, if your mind told you that you are an asshole all the time, you might tell it to shut the fuck up. But your mind hides its madness behind a pretense of rationality: It is the others who think this and you have no influence over it. I am just the messenger.
Thus, the destructive thoughts your mind fabricates seem like they are not even your own. So it seems impossible to stop them. How could you stop a thought that is not your own? And ideally, it is the thought of someone you are afraid to question.
If a kid was spewing bullshit, you could call him out. But then the kid comes and says: But this is not my opinion. Obama (or insert random important figure) said that!
So you start thinking about whether you have the right or power to question Obama (or insert random important figure).
But in the end, it is your own fucking mind that brought up the self-loathing. It just prepended “Obama (or insert random important figure) said …”.
So maybe it is wise to not let your mind hide behind the backs of others and hold it responsible.
Many successful people go on about their haters. Sooner or later, you will find some kind of post where they vent about all the haters. My former Muay Thai instructor did it almost constantly and this photographer here did it once, too. They go on about all the hard work they put in that nobody sees. You are just envious! You do not see those sleepless nights!
Well, I guess that people do become envious. Sure. Who does not. But sometimes even your favorite photographer can post a picture that you simply dislike. And what would you say if you wanted to be honest and the photographer was your friend? Well, you would likely say this is shit.
I once commented on a photograph of Ronda Rousey that I hate the fact that there are women out there who could beat me to pulp. The fitness coach who had posted it came-a-running and told me to do something about it! Yeah, yeah, I get it. We all push each other to greatness. Blah, blah. How predictable.
But what if my road to greatness does not lead through the gym? What if I just want to express an emotion here without having to already be on my way to be better? Hell, if I lept to my feet to work hard towards greatness every time I was envious, I would be on a quest to be better than everyone at everything. But my greatness is not necessarily your greatness.
Continue reading “Greatness: Envy, respect or indifference?”
A phallic symbol like the carrot is overly hard-pressed to represent a pussy and yet this fertile bosom, this female soul which I so desperately want to pee my semen into always seemed like that to me. The more I want it, the more intense my desire for sexual catharsis, the more absolute seems my conviction that I will never get it.
I wrote about it before, in a slightly different manner.
It is a cruel, weird and illogical mindset. Is it even a mindset? Can this conundrum overlapping complexities, of self-cancelling frequencies in my mind be called a set up? Or rather pure disorder?
Yet this deserves its own short article. I already decided that I am not further interested in boxing my way through to pussy just for meaningless notches in my own carrot and this theme of being forbidden something absolutely desirable simply for it being absolute desirable keeps coming up.
I think it can be summed up with the idea of a quasi-communistic – that is, delusional – great leap forward. The externally encouraged hope that if one keeps acting moronically, one will eventually reach that which is desired.
And what is that? What is that highest desirable thing? It is to be fully and unrestrainedly yourself and still loved and desired for or despite it.
Continue reading “Pussy, the dangling carrot”
I am Alpha. Whatever I do, is Alpha. Because it is me who is doing it. Whatever I touch, becomes Alpha. Because it is me who is touching it. Whatever I say, is Alpha. Because it is me who is saying it.
If I decide to have rough sex with a girl, it is Alpha. If I decide to fall in love with a girl, it is Alpha. If I get rejected by a girl, it is Alpha. If I get called a creep, it is Alpha. Because I am Alpha.
If I go to the gym and build muscles, it is Alpha. It shows my discipline. If I decide to not care and grow fat, it is Alpha. It shows my independence of approval. I do not need muscle to be Alpha. I am always Alpha.
Continue reading “I am Alpha”
A slut parade marcher attracts rapusts, somewhat. In short, a slutty dress for the freedom of expression attracts rape.
I got into a fistfight with a cop because I wanted to freely express myself and disobey his bullying. And they put me in a mental hospital with body restraints.
In a way, the less you try to impose your magnificence on others out of protest – the lesser your fear of unfreedom – and the more you let it flow, the greater effective freedom you gain in every single moment of your lived experience.
Fuck this weird world, right?
My spelling mistake will attract somebody who will correct it – unless perhaps, he reads this sentence.
Do you find yourself wondering what the right way to go is? Do you seek out those who tell you to strive for greatness, yet are confused whom to listen to? Do you subconsciously feel revulsed by your need to have other people tell you about the right way? The heroic way? The manly way? The politically correct way?
You do not need anybody to tell you what to do. If you feel you do, you likely are not connected to your own needs and thoughts and feel ashamed of them.
You do not need any advice on who to be. Whom for, anyway? Mother? Father?
You do not need any advice on who to be. All you need from other people is information. The choice has to be yours and yours alone, free of the need to be approved of. By whom, anyway? Mother? Father?
Do you keep asking people what god wants you to do? Why not ask god himself? How can you know that people are speaking the truth if you can not verify it?
How can you tell the scam from the real deal when you lack the capacity and trust to judge on your own? You can not.
If you need someone to tell you how to be great, you have already admitted that you have no personal sense of greatness.
Continue reading “You do not need any advice”