A place for a

23.12.2016

We don’t live in a rape culture – we live in something far worse (?)

Some people say we live in a “rape culture”

Know what we really live in? A SHOCK CULTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!§”§$%

Modern people get high on shocks in the SHOCK CULTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!§”§$%

People like to get shocked by what X or Z did or how that person in video Y ACTUALLY DARED to do M and how NOBODY DID ANYTHING about J and how S is so fucking L and how TERRIBLE U was and how OMG THEY CAN’T BELIEVE what happened to K and they like to BE LITERALLY SHAKING FROM THE EVENTS IN G

This is why we live in a SHOCK CULTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!§”§$%

When we see something with multiple possible explanations we automatically assume the most shocking and terrible one

Why? Because we live in a SHOCK CULTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!§”§$%

We like the high of getting shocked and we like the anger rage indignation sadness moral superiority righteousness devastation and desire for revenge we can share and wallow in with our fellow “citizens”

And who profits in the end? The ones who promise us to stop all that evil evil!

Which is ironic because we dont really want the evil evil to stop – we are much too addicted to being shocked – if there was nothing to be shocked about wed rather invent something to be shocked about than to not be shocked

That’s because we live in a SHOCK CULTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!§”§$%

Continue reading “We don’t live in a rape culture – we live in something far worse (?)

28.10.2016

Women complain about the male ego, but they are the reason it exists

The male ego.

Why do men have greater egos?

Because men are expected to shut up about their pain. When they open up about such things, the typical response is “suck it up crybaby”.

And I guess that’s all cool and shit. But don’t go about complaining men have big egos when they learn from small on to hide their feelings as if they were some dirty secrets.

Men have big egos because that’s what is expected of them. And not just because of patriarchy. At least as big – if not bigger – a component are women who expect men to be strong and impenetrable and take care of them while sacrificing their own needs. They keep throwing shit tests at men who display weakness, and using men to their own advantage when they sense they can do this. Thanks to their ability to “empathize”.

In fact, I dare say every woman even reading this post will feel a repulsion to even such a limited amount of openness and “weakness”. Makes sense, as she is evolved to crave for a protector and shit, right.

But think of it … when even a post like this – or a real life equivalent – can repulse a woman from considering a man attractive or lovable – saying this as a matter of fact, not to cry for sympathy -, or use it as cannon fodder for her manipulations …

Well then don’t fucking complain about the male ego, because that’s basically what you’re asking for.

Matter of fact, I think women dislike the male ego precisely because it makes the man wisely close up towards women about his emotional world. Women crave to know stuff about people so that they can use it against them … so they naturally want men to let their guards down. It gives them power.

So … let’s celebrate the male ego. It is a fine protection against the harpies. And as for being open and honest: That’s what locker room talk is there for.

07.07.2016

Cigarettes & Memories

I started smoking in the psychiatry 7 months ago. I continued smoking because smoking brought up some kind of diffuse but strong fear in me. A few days back I dropped the fags, because it is starting to deteriorate my teeth.

In those days without a smoke, a strange sort of peace sneaked into my life, but I did not realize it until today, when I intuitively felt the necessity to smoke one more cigarette.

The moment I tasted the smoke in my mouth, the memories all came back. The intense fear and helplessness of being bound to a bed, disrespected, forced to take medicine, looked down upon by the stupid staff.

It was a strange moment. One moment I had peace in my mind. I had practically forgotten about the incident. And then, just by the taste of the cigarette, it all came back at once. It was as if I was suddenly another person. I think this is what they call triggering.

Not for the first time has such a dramatic and sudden change in my mood forced an insight upon me: This pain is not my identity.

Continue reading “Cigarettes & Memories

02.07.2016

Having a feminine side VS. being female

This is not an MRA article demanding that women desire weakling men. It is nobody’s responsibility but your own to love all aspects of who you are. So take this as an invitation for self-acceptance, not for another crusade for justice.

When it comes to healthy sexual relationships between the sexes, I pretty much share the – generalized – view that the man plays the dominant part, while the woman is submissive. This may not be the absolute truth in every last case, but I think it is a very fair generalization that at least describes a valid tendency.

But, if I were to give any advice, I would tell you to immediately forget this observation once you make it. Why? Because you should not have to be thinking about things like that. If it is the truth, it is the truth because that simply is what happens when you stop trying to control the situation or bring your ego ideas about correct or good relationships and interactions into it. Once you start acting dominant to do it right, you practically defeated the point of making such a point. If all of it was simply an act, all the time, in everyone, you could actually claim that it is a social construct. Hence I believe that the only way you can make such an observation in an honest way is to introspect and make some personal experiences.

You can only make a valid observation when the observed ones (that can include you)  feel no obligation to support either view. That is, when they feel free to express themselves fully without thinking about it.

If you have to tell a man how to be a man, then you can not claim that you are making him more of a men, rather than less. At least when you, like myself, assume that being a man means to have the male biological sex – instead of abiding by some ideological construct like neo-masculinity. If being a man does not flow naturally from being born a man, then our concept of being a man logically must be flawed. Of course, that presumes that there are no forces in place during one’s formative years that restrict this natural flow.

Continue reading “Having a feminine side VS. being female

25.06.2016

Anger hypnosis – why do politics enrage us so?

Nietzsche suggests in his book On the Genealogy of Morals a historical account of a nation that was harmonious and peaceful inside, while periodically going on crusades against other nations, committing the most heinous crimes; rape, murder, torture. And they enjoy it. He suggests that this nation has developed this mechanism as a way to vent the more animalistic tendencies that are suppressed inside its civilization.

Why do we get so angry about politics? Why do we see a flag or a famous monkey and are so hyponotized by it that we elevate it, in our minds, above all of those who oppose it? Why are we seemingly ready to kill people who disagree with us about political issues – and yet seldom dare to speak our own minds if they oppose that which is morally accepted?

I think the answer is simple.

Political issues and political leaders give us the permission to be angry. Something we are generally not allowed to be.

To be angry and violent, those are qualities that are looked down upon in society. To use force and power to get your own way, that is perhaps the greatest crime of all. Beware the selfish man. Serve the others, always be compassionate and so on. And yet, when our personally chosen leaders talk about the enemies of their values, we become feral, with foam at our mouths, ready to do almost anything to silence them. Very peculiar.

Continue reading “Anger hypnosis – why do politics enrage us so?

16.05.2016

The ultimate victim’s dilemma

Nobody cares about me. The ultimate justification to blame everyone for not caring. But what point is there in blaming anyone if nobody cares? Thus, if somebody actually happened to come along and agree with me, I would need to angrily reject them. Else my notion that nobody cares would have been refuted and thus rendered pointless – actually leaving nothing that the other person could agree with me on.

03.05.2016

Is your pain created by yourself or others?

I want to ask you a question. I want to ask you to answer it spontaneously, without thinking, out of your gut. The question is: Who creates all the pain in your life?

Okay, I admit it. I am not that creative. This question is just a variation of something a woman asked me in response to a Quora question of mine about free will. She wrote: Who creates your life? Although it seemingly had no connection to my question, I felt a deep desire to answer this question. And although I did not fully understand my own answer, it was simple: I. I create my life. I choose everything I am and everything I experience.

I still do not fully understand it. But I can not deny that the only answer that feels right is still the same.

There is a cool site called Existential Comics with lots of comics poking fun at philosophers of all ages. Here is a fun bit about stoicism. The message is a bit similar: You can not harm me. It is only me who can choose to suffer from events I have no control over.

I have been doing meditation for about half a year now and about two weeks ago I had a short insight into how this is true. I was at cinema and the ads started running as they always do. And as always, I had a reflexive reaction to them: I felt contempt, boredom, ridicule.

Continue reading “Is your pain created by yourself or others?

09.04.2016

A phenotypical explanation of fear of women

Recently, I used to have dreams in which my mother ridiculed and humiliated me. I wanted to strike her, but something kept me from it, I felt paralyzed. There was also this one time where my mother threw a nice skull I owned out of the window. I wanted to punch her, but I felt a similar kind of fearful resistance.

Now, I have been thinking. Does it make sense to be afraid of women purely for reasons of shaming tactics or to avoid rejection? It does not quite add up.

Some time ago, a commenter remarked about a picture of me and my mother and my grandmother that it is obvious that they must be afraid of me physically. It is a thought that never entered my head and it is true that I am much stronger and taller than my mother and other women, for whatever it’s worth.

Some time later, during my meditations, I was reminded of the fact that my mother used to beat me when I was still too young to defend myself. Got me thinking.

What if fear of women is – partly – just a residual fear leftover from days when women were still ones physical superiors?

08.02.2016

Envy is self-hatred

Envy is decried as unvirtuous and seen as an emotion directed at somebody’s success, but it is not. Envy is an impulse to compete, but this impulse – in the case of envy – is compulsive. That is, the envying person like an addict is not free to choose whether he wants to be better than the other person.

He simply must be superior. He does not even know why.

Logically, this compulsive obsession is alleviated the easiest way by crushing the tall poppy rather than outcompeting him.

The envious person feels bad when he sees success, because he feels the compulsive need to outperform the other person. How annoying to him. Best to create a microcosm where his superiority is never in doubt.

In any case, why the compulsion? It is the compulsion to escape self-hatred, triggered by being inferior. We learn how to treat our self – read: us – by how our parents treated our self.

We learned to hate ourselves when we were not the best. Or loathe. Or despise. Because we did not get the love we needed when we were not somehow superb.

Unreflectedly, there are two defense mechanisms:

  1. The cowardly way: Throw down another’s success.
  2. The noble way: Be at the top by beating the other dude.

Narcissistic culture propagates the noble way. Keeps the cash running. The Joneses and all that. And never forget the anti-depressive pills, yum yum.

Of course, one may suggest that one rather start to learn to treat oneself better and not hate oneself for being inferior.

But do you really hate the other person? No, you hate your idea and feeling of the other person. But these are parts of your self. Every hatred is self-hatred.

Self-hatred can be channeled into pointless heroism, but ultimately, it is a more or less conscious way of self-inflicted cruelty.

Envy is a self-destructive yet intuitive way off saying fuck you to those who demand pointless greatness of you.

14.11.2015

I do want to live

Two years ago I almost died in the mountains. Yet I was too estranged from myself to learn the real lesson behind it. I was keen on going through pain to be a man. The more it hurt, the better. I felt ashamed, when my body almost collapsed under the stress, when my limbs jittered and my soul cried out.

I thought my body’s outcry was a sign of inadequacy. A real man would not even grunt in the face of death.

All the while I missed the real lesson of pain and why it makes men. It is not the abyss that is a man’s home. It is the abyss that a man crosses to reach home.

Otherwise, all pain is just a prelude to even more pain and the body shuts down in protest. It righteously asks: What for? Why are you torturing me? What have I done? What will I gain?

It is not a man who is not challenged or terrified by anything. It is a man who learned that some things deserve being terrified of. The lesson of pain is not a heightened sense of pride. It is humility, for you know the pain could have crushed you and all you love, if not for a coincidence. If not for god’s will, so to speak.

Continue reading “I do want to live