Some career chick wrote me on Facebook that I was afraid of “accomplished women”. I thought about it and realized I wasn’t. Because “accomplished” is just a meaningless word. A fucking title. A status symbol. What does it even mean? Nothing, it is just a label they want to feel good about themselves.
When a feminist uses the word “accomplished”, she does not mean “I am living the life I want”. She means “I am so good, I am so great, I deserve your respect”.
Feminists think “I have to have a career to be happy. Having a family and spending time with them is demeaning.”
Do they seriously believe that men pursue so-called careers out of some misguided sense of pride?
Well, I guess some do. Narcissists probably do. Narcissists don’t feel they deserve unconditional love. Narcissists think they have to do something to be worthy of self-love. That they have to be better than others – whatever that means. They keep pursuing external validation like a drug.
A delusional pursuit
But a normal healthy confident man? Do you think men in third-world countries go to work in a sulfur mine for the equivalent of 1 Euro per day, ruining their bodies, because they want to be proud of how hard-working they are?
No. They do it because in this world as it is, you fucking need money to survive.
You think that a healthy man would rather work some stupefying cubicle job than spend time with his family and the people he loves?
Feminists don’t seem to care about money. Money, which is necessary to survive. They care about being able to say “I earn a lot of money” to get attention and recognition.
Money is nothing. Money is just a fucking symbol. Money is just something that you rationally need in this system to be able to live. It is an idea. It is the idea that you go to the store and say “Here is my work (in the symbolic form of money), please give me an apple for it.”
You need to eat. You don’t need money. You can’t eat money. You can’t love money. Money cannot love you back. It is just a piece of paper. Money is simply a representation of the idea that you can exchange your work and time for something you need.
From that perspective, would a healthy man not prefer to just get what he wants without having to work for it? Naturally. There would be more time for that man to do the things he really loves.
We call people lazy when they feed on the welfare system. But can you blame them? Who in his right mind would not rather spend his time as he wishes instead of being out there doing some shitty work he hates?
A man does not love his career. He loves the things the career allows him to have.
Of course, there is always the possibility of being an entrepreneur and earn money doing the stuff you actually love doing. That’s different. That’s not a symbolic thing like career. That is to live. But that is not what feminism wants for women. It does not want women to live what they love. It wants women to conform to the expected symbolic standard of having a career.
Feminism does not want women to just follow their hearts and maybe open their own business. And if it does so, it does so only in protest to patriarchy, not out of an internal desire.
A career is a status symbol and as such, it is something that has to be granted to you by others instead of coming from the inside. It is to work your ass off to earn the right to be called accomplished. And this delusional pursuit of approval is put above real internal peace and contentness.
A career means to be hired by someone to do his or her work. And to get a pat on the shoulder for it. And money, of course. But as I said, money is just a symbol. Earning money in itself is not something you do because you want to, but because you have to.
Now, you can argue that women deserve to be autonomous and self-sustaining. But if this is really just about that, you don’t need today’s form of feminism. To sustain yourself, you just need to earn enough to live. To sustain yourself, you do not have to care about a wage gap, about some sexist dude who won’t hire you.
A person that just wants to fucking work to sustain himself, whether man or woman, will always find some possibility to do so.
If a woman’s instilled fear is that, should she become divorced, she would no longer have any money to sustain herself, then I will argue that in today’s society, she will very likely be able to find a job that allows her to do that.
And what do you do when that career you had leads nowhere? What if suddenly, there is no more demand for the so-called skills you learned? Then where goes your pride? Where goes your self-sustenancy?
Will you then cry out and say I had a career! I am accomplished! I deserve to be paid!?
In an ideal world, nobody would fucking care about a career. Or about money. That is not the world we live in. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s okay to realize that if you want something from others, you have to give something to them. But this is a fact you have to accept. Just like you would accept that some people are gonna be assholes to you in life. But just because you accept something does not mean that you have to create an identity out of it.
Instead it is a kind of: I work because that is the only way I know to sustain myself.
Not: I work because I want to be proud of being a working person.
That is like saying: I am proud of being a person that gets insulted by people.
No. You accept what you have to accept. You accept pain. You do not deliberately seek pain to feel proud of yourself. That is madness.
And to sacrifice your time to do work you don’t inherently love, that is pain. It is a pain you can accept. But if you had a choice, would you choose pain? Would you not rather forget about money and just live a life that is more in tune with who you are most of the time? And that can mean to work on a project that gives you satisfaction, but it can also mean to be a father or mother. Feminism can not tell you what that something is that is in tune with yourself. Only your heart can.
Following your heart?
Happiness is not something you earn. Happiness is not something that lies in the future. Something that comes when you are accomplished. When you convince others to call you that. When you are equal to men. Happiness is in the Now. In the moment. It comes when you stop trying to earn it. Because with the belief that you have to earn it comes it’s evil twin: The belief that you are not allowed to be happy right now, whatever you are doing.
So no, I am not afraid of accomplished women. Because I don’t give a fuck about labels. I am not afraid of a woman that owns more money than I do. Why would I?
But the crux is: A woman who earns more money than me, even if I am not afraid of her, is not automatically a person I want to spend time with or have a relationship with. Those things have nothing to do with each other.
Either I love a person for who they are or I don’t. Whether they earn a lot of money is irrelevant. But I dare say that those women obsessed with being accomplished and having a career are likely so neurotic as to be a fucking pain in the ass.
And I think the same is true for men, so don’t think this is a sexist statement. A woman who thinks that money earns her lovability is as unattractive as a man who thinks the same. Unless to someone who is as neurotic as they are and feel the obligation to bow down to that status symbol: This person has a lot of money, hence he or she is good, hence I have to have a relationship with them.
People who love accomplished people are not in love with the other person. They are in love with an idea. And that love perishes as soon as the idea perishes. When somebody loves you for a label you hold, they will stop loving you when you lose that label. Which keeps you in a perpetual existential crisis: I have to keep doing this fucking shit, else I will no longer be loved.
It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek. I have wished you joy since the first I saw you.
– Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings
Wake the fuck up. Today’s feminism is a mere sex-reversed mirror image of the delusional patriarchy that you so despise.
Why do I use the word formulaic in the title? Because feminism, like some abstract idea of patriarchy, suggests that there is some universal formula for your personal happiness and self-love. Follow the formula, follow the rules, and you will gain all you desire. Follow the bible and you will feel God’s love. It is a fucking scam that feeds on the light of your soul.