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09.06.2016

A modern, revised mythology of gods

The Greeks had their mythology of gods. Christianity has its own. They are a bit old-fashioned. When we talk of Archetypes, we tend to look backwards in time and orient us on tradition. But is that so useful? And is that how it has always been? Or is a mythology including its Archetypes something that should be related to the Now?

The Greek goddess Demeter is the goddess of agriculture. It sounds very traditional. But when you think of it, it was simply a reflection of the reality back then, when agriculture was very relevant. If you go further back in time, before humans discovered farming and when they were still nomads, would they have had any use for Demeter? I doubt it.

Religion should be alive. Gods should be a reflection of the reality we live in. They should not be ancient statues we ideologically cling to, condemning anything that does not reflect them, but rather dynamic and alive forces that reflect the world we currently live in.

A good example of this is the cargo cult. They worship airplanes as gods and build monuments in the image of airplanes.

The goal should not be to judge between that which is divine and that which is not. Rather, the goal should be to see the divine in everything that happens.

Hence I decided to create a list of modern day gods.

Atheistos

Atheistos is the god of godlessness. He secretly takes care of those who have fallen from Grace and are disconnected from the Divine. He shields them from the influence of the other gods as well as from any form of miracles or inexplicable events. This is an act of love, for he cares about the godless people and knows that a direct confrontation with or a proof of the Divine might cost them their mind and they might go insane. His acts and deeds form thus a benevolent protective layer around those who choose to walk alone. He knows that in their current state, a real proof of divinity would cause them more harm than good and devastate them.

An example of his work is the little voice in an atheist’s head that he hears when he is facing something he cannot explain, like accounts of near death experiences, UFO abductions, miracles, et cetera. This little voice that says this is all bullshit, this is a fraud, there is no scientific evidence for this, surely this can be explained in purely materialistic terms. That is the caring voice of Atheistos.

The Christian God

The Christian God is not really a god of anything in particular. The only thing he has going for himself is that he claims to be the only real god. To his frustration, modern people with their critical thinking skills demand proof of this and The Christian God has yet failed to provide such.

Confidentia

Confidentia is the goddess of natural self-confidence. Whenever someone finds the path the unconditional self-love, Confidentia usually has her hands in it. There is no greater joy in her life than to see someone who is expressing him- or herself fully without shame or guilt.

Being very moved by this, she is unfortunately prone to profound sadness when she sees a human who will sometimes outright reject the concept of true confidence and self-love.

Feminazus

It may come as a little surprise that the god of feminism is a dude. He is the son of Confidentia, who abandoned him when he was still a baby. Heartbroken, he seeks to pass on his pain to young girls all over the world, who he knows Confidentia deeply cares for – to get back at her for her unforgivable insult.

Feminazus’ ways are wicked. He seeks out his victims by a propensity for self-doubt. His whisper reinforces their feelings of worthlessness, and then induces hope, which promises feelings of being loved and worthy if the girl manages to become equal to a man in every aspect, including behavior, looks and aspirations.

Whenever Feminazus fails to woo a girl into his scheme, he falls into a deep depression, reliving the pain he felt as an infant. But when he manages to break a girl’s spirit and throw her into a self-perpetuating fit of self-destruction, he rejoices and feeds of the girl’s dark energy field, which she has become a permanent host to. At this point, even Confidentias open displays of unconditional love towards such a girl fall on deaf ears and deep distrust. Many a night, Confidentia has cried herself to sleep over this.

Feminazus has blue hair.

Kratomos

Kratomos is the god of duplicitous salesmanship and fraudulent scams. He is also the god of internet memes and trolling on discussion platforms.

Obesitus

Obesitus is the god of fatness, indulgence, shame and jojo diets. It is said that depending on the season of the year, Obesitus is seen either as a horribly obese blob or as a skinny and attractive young man. This leads to the belief of many that he is also the god of the bipolar personality disorder.

Gayus

Gayus is the god of deviant sexual behavior. He is the secret founding father of all LGBT movements. He invites all who listen to him to explore sexuality in all thinkable aspects. Sometimes this is very liberating for them. Other times, unfortunately, his influence can throw humans into a painful identity crisis and be the source of exaggerated shame as well as overbearing pride in other cases.

Chiqua

Chiqua is the goddess of love and hatred. Those in her favor experience deep bliss and love throughout most their lives. Those who have fallen into her disfavour, usually live a life full of hatred and resentment. Sometimes, she is not entirely sure about a person and changes her opinion from one moment to the next. This inconsistency is usually experienced as Borderline Personality Disorder.

A rare few elude her awareness completely. This individuals are free of both hatred and love. They are what we call psychopaths.

Chiqua is the daughter of Confidentia and sister of Feminazus and Puala.

Puala

Puala is the goddess of game, pick up, sexual rejection and telephone numbers. She is bored most of the time and kills that boredom by playing tricks on the minds of men. She appears before their inner eyes’ in the most covetable image, only to then shame them for desiring her. Then she puts on an act of mercy and tells them that they can have her if they follow certain rules in order to become attractive to her. Dumbfounded by her beauty, the men give up everything to devote themselves to obeying her orders. This makes her chuckle.

She is also a rebellious child and often challenges her mother Confidentia. Look, mother. What about your precious self-love? All I need to break a man’s confidence is to lure him with my beauty and then reject him. It is all too easy to make any man my pet.

Some think she has a secret crush on The Christian God.

Shipus

Shipus is the god of blind obedience to authority, as well as of intimidation and guilt tactics. Shipus invented cop shows in order to make people feel good about being snitches. Some think Shipus is sadistic, but he actually sees himself as a martyr, who is forgoing personal vanity of being likable in order to ensure the greater good.

Shipus once had an affair with Confidentia, which resulted in the birth of Feminazus and Puala. Confidentia has made it clear that she feels nothing but disdain for Shipus, but at a moment of weakness, she could not resist his advances. Out of shame and to spite Shipus, she abandoned Feminazus.

Nerdisso

Nerdisso is the god of computer games, illusion and simulation. He is actually a very advanced AI made out of a complex system of god-particles. His self-professed goal is to fill the void of happiness in modern society with fantasy and transient excitement, which also makes him the god of conspiracy theories.

Capitalisto

Capitalisto is the god of Capitalism and Freedom. He is pretty much the invisible hand of the market. He is the arch-enemy of Socialisto and they have fought many battles against each other. Unfortunately, they are both immortal, so the war will go on into eternity.

Socialisto

Socialisto is the god of socialism, liberalism and victimhood. He sometimes drops acid with Obesitus, Feminazus and Gayus.

Socialisto is the father of Obama.

Reader’s additions

Corpa

The mercurial Goddess of functional beauty and the body beautiful.

Mentus

Corpa’s brother God whose imagination has become fixated on his physical strength and prowess which he treats like a well oiled machine.

Distillia

The Goddess of alcohol, forgetfulness and anesthesia. She acts as a sedative for the world-weary and blinds mankind to the pain of unrealized hopes and ambitions. She accepts her daily devotionals at the bar, at home, or in a hidden flask at work. It doesn’t matter where we are, just so long as we can forget what we are doing, what we want, and what we have become.

Instead of helping us in return for our offerings, she reinforces our hopelessness. Mankind’s relation to her is tragic since we turn to her for help but are firmly kept in place and subtly lowered each day as we increasingly seek to fulfill her will over our own. As a trickster, she seeks to mock us, to humiliate us, and yet to receive our love evermore – some things she learned well from her older sister Puala and her parents Confidentia and Kratomos.

The end, for now.

This is a work in progress. When I come up with something new, I will add it. I also welcome contributions from my readers, for surely I have missed a few Archetypes.

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  • Smokingjacket

    Great eclectic list of modern day Gods.

    I’d add CORPUS. The mercurial Goddess of functional beauty and the body beautiful.
    MENTUS: Her brother God whose imagination has become fixated on his physical strength prowess which he treats like a well oiled machine.

    • :)

      Added.

      • Smokingjacket

        Cool. I’d also add old father time (Chronos), but, I’d call him Saturno, the deceitful and cunning master-manipulator who issues pseudo fraternal God advice to his good sons, like telling them to compete and become successful, upwardly mobile and wealthy so that he can enslave them to his wife estranged and embittered wife Matera who spawns his son Feminazus and his daughter Paula who capture and harvest the souls of his good sons until their spirits are dead and inert like his.

        • B-but Feminazus and Puala can not be the kids of Matera, because they are the kids of Confidentia!

          • Smokingjacket

            In mythology and the realm of the Gods anything is possible, including, incest and multiple parents giving birth to the same offspring.

          • Haha! No.

        • And it’s a bit similar to Shipus.

  • Admetus

    I really enjoyed this Tom and I hope that you continue to pursue this idea. As the Gods interact with one another and men, there is great possibility for you to describe the results in mythic and poetic fashion for a modern audience. It is a hope of mine that this could be turned into a book… a modern version of Hesiod’s Theogony perhaps. I’ll give you my contribution for what it’s worth.

    Distillia – The Goddess of drunkenness, forgetfulness and anesthesia. Her way is to gift the world-weary with sedated bliss. Her pleasure is to entice men to organize their lives around daily devotionals. Her vanity is to capture the ambitions of men and to see herself as most beloved of all Gods, especially to spite her duplicitous parents: Chiqua and Kratomas.

    • If my muse will want me to write a book about this, I will. If not, then not. But you are more than welcome to pick up the idea and write your own, if you feel like it.

      Distillia seems to have some parallels with Puala to me, in that she entices men in order to manipulate them. They are not the same entirely, but they feel too similar to me without further clarification / distinction.

      Gotta check out this Theogony thing!

      • Admetus

        Good catch. I can see how their effect on man is very similar.

        I guess I was focusing on the differences in their means: alcohol being a sedative and a suppressant of sorts (a downer); while PUA is more of a stimulant that keeps one active and striving for ever more (an upper). Ultimately they seem to achieve similar results even while enticing those with different ends in mind. “Drunk with lust [or love]” is a common idiom after all.

        Perhaps Distillia is the sister of Puala, both daughters of Confidentia and Kratomos.

        • Ah, now I get it. Drunkenness! Sorry, I overread that. But then how is that related to daily devotionals and capturing the ambitions of men? In the sense of men give up their ambitions for rum? And why only men? Can we expand it to all people?

          • Admetus

            “Daily devotionals” being the drink, whenever we can get our hands on her–be that after work in the bar or at home, or (for shame) before and during work as well. All the while we damn anyone and sometimes other obligations that try to get in the way our supplications to the goddess.

            “Capturing the ambitions” is a crude way for me to say that before the drink, we have ideas about certain goals and aspirations in life, then after we take the drink it all washes away along with the pain of never seeing these ambitions or hopes become a reality. We become sedated in meanness. Indeed, we come to pursue meanness by pursuing the drink.

            Certainly not only men. I struggled with my use of “men” in writing my comment. Ultimately, I thought it sounded better in the classical and universal sense of “mankind.”

          • I like. Mind rephrasing it a little to make it clearer? And changing it to manking or something like that? :)

          • Admetus

            I gave it the old college effort. Here goes…

            Distillia–The Goddess of alcohol, forgetfulness and anesthesia. She acts as a sedative for the world-weary and blinds mankind to the pain of unrealized hopes and ambitions. She accepts her daily devotionals at the bar, at home, or in a hidden flask at work. It doesn’t matter where we are, just so long as we can forget what we are doing, what we want, and what we have become.

            Instead of helping us in return for our offerings, she reinforces our hopelessness. Mankind’s relation to her is tragic since we turn to her for help but are firmly kept in place and subtly lowered each day as we increasingly seek to fulfill her will over our own. As a trickster, she seeks to mock us, to humiliate us, and yet to receive our love evermore–some things she learned well from her older sister Puala and her parents Confidentia and Kratomos.

          • Masterpiece! Added.