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The ways we give up personal power

I have been pretty obsessed with the idea of unconditional love recently. And I still think it is an important thing to get to know, even if I am not there yet. But my obsession may have blinded me to other aspects of reality. Yesterday, I came over an article that elaborates on the power chakra.

It made me think about the ways in which I give up personal power in my daily life. The ways I either compromise my own boundaries or disrespect those of others.

A very good example of this is how I used to follow around women, listening to their personal problems and stories, in the hopes for more – which never came. It was draining, but I was not respecting my gut feeling there. In fact, I was ashamed of it. Recently, I have become angry about that and I have even written angry text messages to those girls.

But the important insight for me is that I have indeed allowed them to use me for their nonsense and then discard me, even if that was on an unconscious level. They were only doing what I, on an energetic level, gave them permission to do. I had hidden motives, sure, but they still did nothing I did not fully allow them to do in my heart (or power chakra?).

And later, when I start blaming them, I am actually giving them power once more. I think that when I try to make it conscious, I can actually feel how blame drains me of power and sends it to the people I blame. It attaches me to those people. It hinders me from letting go.

And I guess the biggest challenge about this is to see it without judgment. To not blame myself instead, but to realize that it was simply something I did and on some level wanted to do. In fact, when I feel into it, I realize that there is a level on which I actually enjoyed giving up my power. Observing this consciously is only possible when I do not judge it.

So maybe the question is not why women are abusing their power over men. Maybe the question is why men willingly give up their personal power and hand it over to women. Why do they buy into such a deal? And maybe the answer lies in that which you could call propaganda – if you can call it that without judging it. If a man receives the information that giving up his power will get him admired and loved and desired by women, it may seem like a small price to pay. Later on, when he finds that it does not work, he may have forgotten this metaphysical contract he signed off on and mistake it for the nature of being a man and tries to justify it. And then he tries to even fight against it. He fights his own wish to give up power – instead of seeing it for what it is.

Why do we hold our beliefs? I saw a video of Bashar on the internet where a woman complained to him that she holds some belief. He asked her why she holds it. She said that she has bought into it. And he asked her what she expected to get out of it. Because whenever we buy into something, it is because of something we expect to get back.

And maybe it is even true that men in Western civilization have profited from this kind of power exchange until the advent of feminism. Their commitment and their provision was rewarded by their wifes, who, as the saying goes, were the ones truly in power.

Now many women perhaps no longer feel the need to reward men for that sacrifice. They have signed out of the contract.

And when men get angry at them for this, it is because they hold on to the contract. But here’s the catch: If you have a contract with a business partner and the business partner does not fulfill his side of the bargain, causing you pain and draining you of power, is it wiser to blame him and try to force him to keep up his side? Or is it wiser to accept their choice, to step out of the contract yourself and regain your personal power?

And if this wish to regain your personal power gets you called a sexist, misogynist or arrogant? And if this hurts you and makes you afraid of actually taking back your power? Then maybe this is another way you have given up your power – by giving other people / women the power to assign labels to you and to judge you. You can then either go on in life being a sexist or arrogant or you can decide not to carry this kind of negativity around with you – by first observing how you actually willingly let other people decide your self-judgment for you.

Another great example from my life is of course my mother. Being the only person around when I was a baby, there was not much conscious choice involved when I gave my power to her – which she abused horrifyingly. Now that I am grown up, though, I can observe myself and the ways that she still has that power – and finally take it back. When I was young and masturbated in my room and she came in and had a look of disgust on her face? I accepted her judgment then. I had given her the power to define my self-judgment. Now I am taking this power back, because it clearly does not serve me anymore.

Other examples of giving up power that come to my mind. Try to awarely feel the energy of those transactions – without fighting or judging it:

  • Watching porn / entertainment / cinema / television.
  • Being a fan of something.
  • Me hoping that you will like this article.
  • Expectations of agreement. Especially in a big society. Everybody gives up their personal power to the idea of democracy. Then, when the power is abused, instead of opting out of the power contract, blame is assigned to those who differ in opinion about what the people in power should do.
  • Hoping for acceptance / validation / being liked / being loved / being respected. (by others)
  • Doing stuff you don’t like in the hope of getting laid or whatever.
  • Trying to beat somebody in an argument.
  • Trying to be right.
  • Fear, regret, blame, guilt, shame, hope, resentment, anger, rage, hatred, self-pity, feelings of helplessness.
  • Admiring somebody / wanting to be like them.
  • Pride. Showing off, needing attention. Trying to be better than others.
  • Being part of a religion.
  • Identifying with a group, country or some kind of ideal.
  • Wanting to make the world a better place.
  • Accepting help.
  • Wishes for revenge.
  • Judging.
  • Marriage.
  • Listening to music.
  • Being a victim.

I am not saying that giving up power is a bad thing. I am just saying that it is, on some level, a choice we make. Being a follower can be a positive thing for you, if you have a great leader. But when that kind of power exchange is not or no longer satisfying or fulfilling, it is time to move on. A leader that despises you for giving your power to him? Time to move on.

As they say, with power comes responsibility. A good leader takes care of his followers. If the person or item or idea you have given power to does not heed this responsibility and is just draining your energy, it is time to take your power back. Not through violence and blame, but through conscious choice.

I know I am repeating myself, but the most important and difficult part really seems to be not to judge the whole thing. Not to fight it. You would only be fighting your own decision from the past. And I guess – if you can’t help yourself fighting it, don’t judge yourself for that. Well, anyway, you better go find a proper guru, I’m just a beginner in all this.

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  • Smokingjacket

    Interesting article once more. I think when people love you without you needing to necessarily reciprocate their love back to them is the ultimate nexus between power and wisdom. Ever notice how spiritual leaders often look more serene than loving in their facial expressions towards their followers?

    • The linked article actually talks about that kind of relationship. It says it is one where the followers give power to the guru and the guru thus gets the responsibility to resolve their karma. So it is a reciprocal relationship. Also think of consensual BDSM sex. One is in power, but both profit ideally. I think the problem is really when the exchange is either not consensual or based on expectations of getting something back – when that never happens.

      • Smokingjacket

        Few people understand the real meaning of Karma in that it’s something you need. It cannot be avoided and it pertains to everything. If when really grasped this concept, we’d understand our action or inaction in a very different context (think of women who abort babies from a purely lifestyle perspective for example).

        Our society and world are fucked because people act or don’t act from that false premise that they’re somehow free and autonomous beings that make choices based purely on what suits their own narrow secular and immediate needs. These beings, whom are the majority, are ignorant of their Karma and of the universe and so they must die a thousand deaths before enlightenment becomes evident in their souls.

        • My meditation teacher advised me to have some kind of gratitude for the fact that I was raped in my past life. He said: What do you think how many more rounds in this game you would have to play if this had not happened to you and forced you to start awakening?

          • Smokingjacket

            Take your medicine early. So, what’s the end game you reckon?

          • Not a clue. Heaven? :)

          • Smokingjacket

            God? Maybe you’re a God in waiting? Most people would think this great because they’d have unlimited power and immortality etc but suppose Gods are creators or programmers of the worlds they create- wouldn’t that be a huge responsibility?

          • Micah Geni

            Intergalactic Fun.

            Maybe the Box, aka Universe, is a Vomb. When the fetus is grown big enough and mature enough, we might be born into another universe above this one.

            Like when we here on earth, develop technology, Brasil which used to be “another universe” or at least another Galaxy, when I was a kid, is suddenly just a few hours away.

  • Micah Geni

    You gotta check out this short video. The spirits of the Sun. Ask your shrink to explain this one !:

    • Hm. Well, firstly, just because an object appears larger on a camera does not make it huge per se. For example, you could take a tennis ball, hold it in front of the sun with your hand, and it would be a lot larger than the sun. So thats not a great argument. As for the gravitational field that should change the earths course … I dont know, how did they calculate that? That looks like a damn complicated calculation to me. And as for the suns arms changing the course of the comet – I see no evidence of this on the large overview. To me, it looks like a random outburst not unlike the others.

      • Micah Geni

        That randomness came at the right time :)