Recently, I used to have dreams in which my mother ridiculed and humiliated me. I wanted to strike her, but something kept me from it, I felt paralyzed. There was also this one time where my mother threw a nice skull I owned out of the window. I wanted to punch her, but I felt a similar kind of fearful resistance.
Now, I have been thinking. Does it make sense to be afraid of women purely for reasons of shaming tactics or to avoid rejection? It does not quite add up.
Some time ago, a commenter remarked about a picture of me and my mother and my grandmother that it is obvious that they must be afraid of me physically. It is a thought that never entered my head and it is true that I am much stronger and taller than my mother and other women, for whatever it’s worth.
Some time later, during my meditations, I was reminded of the fact that my mother used to beat me when I was still too young to defend myself. Got me thinking.
What if fear of women is – partly – just a residual fear leftover from days when women were still ones physical superiors?