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What is a delusion? Past reality or genetic memory?

The doctors think I am schizophrenic, because it seems bizarre that I would get into a fight with a cop. So, am I? Well, I think I actually am. That is, I think that the extended definition that spans three papers fits me often enough. But so do some personality disorders.

Is schizophrenia a firm thing that the definition hints at or is the definition the thing itself? For example, there are intuitive concepts like an honest smile that healthy people will recognize as a distinct thing while mentally impaired may not.

Schizophrenia is, first and foremost, a word.

Is schizophrenia like a smile? A distinguishable aura that healthy people clearly see? Or is it a rather nebulous concept used whenever something a person says or does seems bizarre? I can clearly see how my behavior seems bizarre to an outsider. And yet, from my own standpoint, it seems almost perfectly logical.

Without wasting time about the question of whether schizophrenia is a real thing, let me just ask: What are delusions?

I have two or three ideas.

Weird brain

This is the one you will hear from the doctor’s at the psychiatric asylum of your confidence: Your brain does itYour brain overestimates danger or threat and overreacts as a reaction.

You catch the drift, right? Something in your brain is just weird and there is nothing you can do but eat pills to suppress that incomprehensible nonsense your brain produces. You will always be a victim of your brains malprocedure.

I think this is bullshit, but I see how you arrive at that. Pardon my lack of scientific method if this is not perfectly sound in terms of peer review magnificence, but I guess you would simply take a group of mental illness sufferers and then a group of healthy people. You put them into a brain scanner and give them some stimulus, ranging from audio over touch to video. You notice that both show very distinct patterns of activity in their brain. The healthy male feels joy at the sight of a hot girl while the mentally ill feels fear. You conclude that their brain does weird thingsMalfunctionOut of order.

Alright, but that relies on the assumption that there is some kind of linear and static streamlined process your brain goes through to process stimuli. A bit nonsensical, considering that a perfectly healthy brain can be conditioned through classical conditioning.

It does not make sense to me, on an intuitive level, that one would experience anything random in one’s life. It takes away responsibility and the belief in healing, too.

Past reality

Here is my explanation. You take your Pavlovian dog and show him a hot female dog. And every time he looks at the female, you electrocute him. 1000V. As much as he can take without dying.

I bet you that under the brain scan, he will have a weird strong anxious response to hot female dogs. You have produced your first mentally ill dog.

Give that dog a little self-reflection skills and meditation and maybe, one day, he may get over it. And will have developed a godlike resistance against electrocution.

Alright, alright. But what if there was no electrocution? Well, it is easy with a dog in a lab, right? But then, in an uncontrolled environment, who knows whether there was? There is the phenomenon of repressed memories. For instance, childhood sexual abuse is often not remembered at all and takes therapy – or meditation – to re-remember. But an abused child may feel the subconscious need to reenact the abuse by abusing kids himself.

Genetic memory

Alright, alright. But what if it really did not happen? Then we delve into even more fascinating waters. One proven thing is genetic memory? Rats inherit their mother’s traumatic experience.

Okay, but schizophrenic people develop first symptoms usually in their twenties. How about that?

Well, for that, I unfortunately have to delve into a matter that may cost me some readers, because genetic memory will be the limit of what they can consider right now and that is perfectly fine. But I find myself unable to hold on to purely atheistic and materialistic beliefs. And frankly, I wonder why I should. Considering that most people and animals likely have consciousness, they should have some explanation about where it comes from. I admit that I did not consider that question until that consciousness was heavily shaken.

Past lives

Yes, I just wrote that. Past lives. Why does schizophrenia manifest in the age of the twenties? Well, that is the age where a male usually fully develops. And if a memory is a memory of an adult, it can not be experienced by a younger boy, because the important emotions are not yet in place and the mental and physical capacities have not yet developed.

I admit that this may still work with genetic memories. The scientists would simply have to think of traumatic experiences that affect only a fully developed rat. Be it as it may, I do not believe that this life is all there is and neither do I believe that there is a point to stay in heaven or hell forever. I mean, forever is a pretty long time and being at the mental asylum, I see how quickly boredom develops.


I remember this article about a fish who had a whole aquarium for itself. Then a glass barrier was put in and suddenly, half the aquarium was off limits for the fish. When the barrier was taken back out, the fish kept using only half the aquarium. Do itIt is just a choice! How do you explain to that fish that the next time it tries entering the other half, it will no longer hurt its nose? And if you are that fish, how do you justify not trying to swim there anymore, when everybody else says it is just a choice? After all, they were always saying that.

In the end, with every delusion, one has to wonder whether a reality can be constructed in which that delusion is real. And why it would. Let us not forget that from the perspective of an honest crazy person, it already is real, so the real take-away here is: It may no longer be real.

For instance, schizophrenia often incorporates elements of being conspired against. Well, why would people conspire against one? One can certainly think of reasons, but only if one dares to look outside of this particular person’s current life. Take past lives or genetic memory or childhood, whatever you like or feel more comfortable with.

Imagine a person who raped or murdered someone. Now look at people’s typical reaction: Cut his dick offKill himStrangle him!

Such a person would be right to become paranoid. Right to hide something. What is being hidden? The person may not even know. Childhood trauma? Past live trauma? Inherited trauma?

Have you seen the movie The Machinist? The emotional mood of the film resonated a lot with me.

Look at the diagnostic criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Anti-Social Personality Disorder and then at the symptoms of PTSD. There are similarities. Is that because they are distinct things that are similar? Or because these diagnoses are all just vague categorizations of tangled messes of traumatic memories?

Now, if someone comes back from a guerilla war and experiences paranoia, we say PTSD. If the symptoms come on their own, we say schizophrenia. Much less formidable and prideful. But that is okay. And maybe I am simplifying here, but my point is simply: Imagine a world in which your delusions are not delusions. Allow that. Stop fighting your own mind. That place where they are real may not be this world. It may be your childhood world or a past life or a genetic memory. What you project into society may have been true in your family.

Just accept the thoughts and ideas your mind produces and give them some meditative attention without judgment or attachment and it may just help you solve those things, even if they have nothing to do with your current life. Maybe that is the real lesson, after all. To let go and realize that you no longer need those fears.

Of course, it may take months with baby steps to get where you need to be. To heal. But why not?

Feel free to comment: In what kind of world are your delusions not delusions?

So, what is a delusion? I say it is a truth of the past. But you must acknowledge it before you can recognize that it truly is not needed anymore.

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  • Smokingjacket

    I’ve often wondered about the state whereby a schizophrenic patient declares that he or she believes the world is against them or at least elements in it are against them. If you are of the belief that there’s such a phenomena as the collective unconscious, then, this means that there’s elements of our full consciousness that are indeed (1) Shared by all human beings, but, (2) Are not normally accessible to the majority of “normal” human beings.

    With schizophrenics, especially when they describe people that appear to against them, are they not perceiving ordinary people not like other ordinary people, but, rather through the lens of elements of consciousness, including the id, that’s only perceived through the schizophrenic who can somehow access these layers readily unlike the rest of us? In traditional societies they’d be healers or shamans because of this gift. When schizophrenics describe a hostile world, perhaps, they’re tapping into the real people below the conscious mask that normal people ware all the time, understandably the schizophrenic will provoke the real hostility and suspicion of the unmasked people they encounter in the world, while the rest of us, will see the same beings as beautiful and noble people.

    • Yeah, maybe so. But look at this article: http://www.gurusfeet.com/forum/schizophrenia-or-advanced-spiritual-state

      I think there is more to it.

      In any case, I still think that the diagnosis in itself may be a bit more nebulous. That is, I am not sure whether schizophrenia in itself really is a thing. A part of me thinks it is. Another thinks it is not.

      • Smokingjacket

        It’s interesting you said before that you suffered from depression as it’s extremely rare for schizophrenic patients to be depressives and vice-versa. It would make you wonder about the diagnosis of the condition in your case.

        I remember you mentioned in another post where you said that on a particular day you felt empowered and good about yourself and as you were walking down the street, everything and everyone seemed to be illuminated and happy? This to me would be much more suggestible of a person who’s coming out if a depressive period, rather than anything to do with schizophrenia.

        I say this, as you should be very mindful about getting the right treatment, there have been cases were doctors misdiagnosed patients and prescribe medicines for other conditions, which can be very damaging. Depression is readily treatable condition and very common in society, and apart from the purely organic type, doctors don’t have to pump people with drugs to give them a normal, healthy outlook.

        • Well, their diagnosis is based mainly on the fact that I overreacted in that situation with the cops. They say it is bizarre and that is their diagnosis.

          I am thankful that you read my stuff so thoroughly and remind me of it. Indeed, you bring up good points. I would almost have forgotten about it. Weirdly enough, the doctors did not care to inquire deeper, to understand more thoroughly. I told them my mother had had schizophrenia and then their minds were pretty much made up.

          • Smokingjacket

            The case of your overreacting with the cops may well come out of feeling depression or anxiety accompanied about a fear about being controlled or manipulated by authority which may well go back to your family circumstances. The fact that you can articulate these thoughts so consistently and rationalism them back to traumatic relationships in your own life would seem to invalidate many aspects of the schizophrenic diagnosis. It seems much more likely that you’re experiencing a protracted post traumatic stress/depressive/anxiety/ state from your mother’s condition, which should not be confused with schizophrenia.

            I’ve never seen any traces of that condition in your writings here. There’s never any sense that you’re not the same person, you’re extremely consistent, you’ve a strong sense of personal self-identity, there’s no traces of paranoia or delusional ideas like talking to Jesus everyday etc. I’m not a psychiatrist, but, they are a class of medical practitioners that are prone to making misdiagnosis, I would highly recommend that you get an independent assessment done by another psychiatrist before you begin any course of drugs for schizophrenia.

            Take care.

          • Micah Geni

            You were in a depression phase, of your bipolarity.. And then the cops came, and you though “oh no, not more bad stuff happening”.. You got the creeps and overreacted due to the depression pressure in general.

            Yes, I agree with jacket. More bipolar than phrenic. But bipolar is just “not being a robot, in a fucking boring control system that only robots can stand”. Aka, being human, makes people bipolar these days.

      • Micah Geni

        Retirement now ? ;-)

        “Can only work as a freelancer, due to medical illness. Must therefore recieve a minimum wage, such as he has his environment ordered and under control, to be able to continue his programming job”.

    • Micah Geni

      Yeah.. An automatic unmasking happens

      The more logically the conclusion can be explained, the less the danger of being labeled schizo does become..

  • What past truth convinced you to punch a cop?

    • In this case, I would say it was anger about the police in general. Especially this one here: http://manwithoutfather.com/2015/09/24/trust-no-one-you-fucking-arseholes/

      Plus elements from past lives that I do not want to publicly discuss yet. One reason for that is that I do not want to completely ‘lose it’ yet in the eyes of my readers.

      Incidentally, you said you were mad a few years back. How did you solve that?

      • Micah Geni

        Think rationally..
        First feel and sense the emotion. Is it valid ? It sure is… What can you do about it ? Well, we can basically only avoid all those messed up situations today.. And if accidents happen, people must be rational about them. Logic is always a tool that Robots understand.

  • BlueEyedDevil

    “I’ve never seen any traces of that condition in your writings here.
    There’s never any sense that you’re not the same person, you’re
    extremely consistent, you’ve a strong sense of personal self-identity,
    there’s no traces of paranoia or delusional ideas like talking to Jesus
    everyday etc.”

    I agree with this assessment from Smokingjacket. In any case, whatever it is “wrong” with you, for your age you are a hell of a deep thinker and good wordsmith. Keep fighting, Tom.

    • Thanks, I will!

      • Smokingjacket

        You’re a brilliant writer for your age. Your ideas are lucid and invigorating. I believe they’ve made a serious misdiagnosis in your case. You more than other other blogger across a multiple of sites have the most consistent, honest, and rigorous personality which are the exact opposite of what they’ve labelled you to be.

        • Well, my lived personality is, as I am learning, not as consistent as the one I portray through my writings. At least that is my impression rooted in all my doubts.

    • Micah Geni

      Problem is you see, he writes too well..

      It could become embarrasing for psychopathic control grid of bullshit

      But basically they just feel more sane, if they can label some other dude insane.. Psychiatry is full of narcs

      • Raven

        Psychopathy is not schizophrenia. Nor is it sociopathy which is where they would be worried about that if they are one.

  • Magmaheart

    Just curious do you esteem to be to much in your head and not enough in the body and emotions ?

    • That used to be me very much, yes. It is getting better.

      • Magmaheart

        You were questioning the world much. But there is no definite answer. So one should live and not try to understand too much (unless there is a need to understand for some action). Less thinking, more action.

        • Too simplistic in my case. I really got a hell of a load of shit which I have to deal with in my head. But yes, in the end, the goal is more action.

          • Magmaheart

            Healing huh ? Then action. Being alive. Deliver value. Introspection but flowing after. Eating, running, having sex, dancing, learning, making friends. Developing ambition if nihilism is present. Subscribing to existentialism as the best philosophy to suscribe to (for now)

          • Yeah, sounds good. Someday. At the moment I have no energy for any of that stuff. Well, at least I am getting out of that fucking psychiatry somewhen next weak.

  • Micah Geni


    Its a control mechanism, the DSM.. In case you critizise *Merkel or some other deluded (far more than you, she is) politician, they could claim “he has a mental disorder”…

    If you write too well, there is always a danger to become a “threat” somehow.. So they prefer to dumb people down and to label them. Most pro-immigration politicians these days, are schziophrenic AND in their delusions, they are ruining Europe.

    If you doubt the materialism, and believe in consciousness, youre not alone. Have look at some more famous guys.. In addition, even classic judaism, kabbalah, gnosticism and an bunch of other religions do belive in the same facts.

    Some interesting videos and guys to check out on Youtube:

    Michael Tsarion (conspiracist, psychoanalysis and political context, secret societies and religions) his domain..

    Nassim Haramein (well known physicist, who do believe in both sacred geometry and consiuosness)

    Spirit Science .. A youtube channel full of videos of sacred geometry and consciousness.. If have not seen their videos before, you might as well start with #1. They are pretty fascinating and rather cute: https://www.youtube.com/user/thespiritscience

    I even recognized some interpretation I did myself, independent of any prior knowledge. And if that aint spirit/consciousness/DNA when plenty of people end up with similar ideas and conclusions, from various approaches, I dont know what it is. People get these ideas from somewhere. Sometimes they can be traced back to forgotten memories of sensations. But some times they cannot.

    Youre right about the dog.. It would actually be a mentally ill dog.. And what do most “bitches” do, to most men, when the men tries to be nice and say hello ? They roar (sod off you loser).. So no wonder conditioning is happening, independently of genes and past life and inherited traumas.

    Sane in an insane world.. I should congratulate.. Those psychotropics are pure bullshit and non-healthy

    (I might be joining the club, because I am seriously wondering if you were Doubtful Thomas in another incarnation)

    • Raven

      Psychiatry is a fraud, the DSM is too stupid for anyone to believed (“if you violate probation then you are a sociopath, Asp mergers and autism are the same thing except for IQ, and if you have ever been mad in your life at least 3 times then you have a mental disorder…?!). However, a few mental disorders are legitimately benefitting from actual therapy, and several more are real, actual conditions that may improve relationships and things like that to know about them (as long as the people you tell are not adversarial ones who will demand you poison yourself with drugs or see psychiatrists). In the former category we have Borderline, Covert Narcissism, victims of overt narcissists for some victims only although that is not a disorder. In the latter category we have ADD, autism, and possibly OCD though I don’t know much about the brain function of OCD or whether it is necessary to be called a “disorder”, dyslexia, amnesia.

  • Micah Geni

    Your too mindful to actually have it.

    Many people has had an episode or two in their lives.. Even C.Jung and his 3 days in hell. But they are too scared to talk about them. And hardly no one tells a shrink about them.

    True schizophrenics that doesnt have control, are those less mindful. But the same goes for politicans and psychopahts. The less mindful everyone are, the more shit they do, with or without intention, towards others, or towards onself.

    The paradox at the office… A person without control of the Self, would be way too scared to talk about episodes.. A person with control, would not really see it as a major problem.. The latter would be the most likely candidate for a diagnosis.

    I guess the cops no longer have a reason to charge you :) With the good, comes the bad, and it also goes the other way too

  • Micah Geni

    Past reality or genetic memory?


    Imagine a soul is reprogrammed, before it is recycled. When we were in spirit-dimension, we may have known that this took place, but as we enter the human body, our memories of higher dimensions is forgotten (mostly.. dreams and hallucinogens can be considered reminders).. But if we manage to unlock our DNA (zipped code), than more comes back to us. It may lie hidden within our DNA, while simoultanesly be agreed by us and programmed, from a higher dimension.

    There is no necessary conflict, between creation and evolution, between Super AI and Spiritual Dimensional world (Consciousness). It can be both.

    You gotta wonder why this (psychopatic ruled) world has become so anti-spiritual:


  • Raven

    In my personal experience schizophrenics, even the actually-crazy ones who see hallucinations or think they are “talking to god” as in literally, know they are schizophrenic. They know the hallucinations are not there and that god is not there so when someone else says something to them they immediately break off in the middle of the sentence to talk to the real person, are not concerned about someone walking through a certain area where they were just “talking to someone” who wasn’t standing there, say “oh, sorry” to people who’s pen they picked up as a halluncinatory prop for their imagined conversation, etc. Two schizophrenics who don’t hallucinate talked about people living inside their heads. One “doesn’t know if it’s real or not, you never know it could be” but is in perfect possession of all his reason faculties, and the other who is also in possession of of his reason faculties says “both are me”. They wouldn’t talk about it to someone uncaring, police, psychiatric pushers, etc. None were narcissists, which you definitely are due to the extreme “wrong beliefs” (as in morally, according to everyone) in some of your posts – If not covert then overt, sociopath, or something else. I have known a total of four schizophrenics to a “higher degree” in person, two to a “higher degree” online, and some amount of passers by, acquaintances, or “met for a while during life”.