Sorry, I forgot the title. Was it Force Awakening? Awakening of the force? The force awakens. Ah, who gives a saber. I was eager, but very reluctant to go watch this movie and the reason is that I was scared shitless of the idea of a strong female lead. I was also annoyed by the fact that I knew I would then come back home and search for stupid reasons to say that she is a stupid whore and that it is propaganda or whatever. An old compulsive habit. Rationalization.
But fuck it. I thought that it is about time that I confront this– that is, free emotional expression of females. To give it some attention and to acknowledge it instead of going on another rant to justify it. It does not need to be justified. It just is.
There is a lot of envy in me when I see a confident woman. More so even than when I see a confident man, I think. Having suppressed my own emotions and masculinity for most of my life to accomodate the emotions of females that seemed to always be encouraged and glorified while nobody gave a damn about mine – actually, shamed me for them – inspired a certain undeniable rage. And I am tired of hiding it and justifying why it is right that I hate. I simply do. Maybe the reasons are not the ones I think they are. But I know that nothing happens without a reason, so whatever is in me is there for a reason.
And perhaps all this madness actually started in the moment when I started the only plausible thing to do. But blast it. I do not need to be better than women to hate them or look down on them or wanting to fuck them. I just need to let myself feel hatred and condescension and lust., thus always being afraid to be found out that I felt them. I did not have the courage to say I hate women, no, instead I tried to find reasons why I am better than women, thus making it
But then again, even the hatred and condescension are fading, to the point where I barely recognize them. Ironically, the more I allow myself to feel hatred without justifying it, the more it vanishes. When I allow myself the freedom of emotional expression that I envy the bitches for, there is nothing left to be envious about and the hatred is replaced by cool indifference and love. No, not what the mad people call love, not; I mean this peaceful sense of self-satisfaction and openness.
So anyway, a few thoughts on the movie.
The horrors inside
I never realized how much I hate cinema. All those people. And I never realized. I blended it all out. But now, thanks to the meditations, my defenses are at an all-time low and the world bombards me with situations that make me feel bad about myself. A school class with young confident flirting teenagers. Fuck. I feel insignificant. A loser and all that. But every encounter with those beliefs and emotions is a chance to challenge and embrace them. Ironically, whenever I decide to fully accept one of my negative beliefs – it simply vanishes.
I think that mostly, whatever you fear out there is really something you fear inside yourself. There are no horrors out there to explore. There are only the horrors in your own soul that the outside reminds you of. There is no propaganda to teach you lies. There is only propaganda to remind you of the lies you willingly accepted a long time ago, likely through the hand of your parents. With good intent. It starts as simple as You must be a good person. For your parents to love you, to be what their weak souls need you to be. Once this seed is set, the outside world can pile stack upon stack of beliefs about what a good person constitutes on top of that stupid belief that you must be a good person. Schools of philosophy spring forth, writing encyclopedias worth of essays about what is good. Then they fight over what is good. The best. Words deceive, and so do people. And it is unsurprising that that which we hate the most in others is usually that which we hate the most about ourselves.
It is also just this that annoys me about the Star Wars movies, and especially about the new one. You could say that that dark army led by the evil guy represents social justice warriors. But then, so do the good guys. All fight over what is good and want to zealously and with that mad hopeful gaze force it upon others.
Who are the bad guys?
Is it really that simple? Are there people who are just evil? Many believe so. I do not. Troubled, yes, but no human is inherently worse than another. Because any such standard is arbitrary.
And if the forces of the rebellion are to represent perfection and light, then they must have neither fear nor contempt for those who fight on the side of the dark guys. Sorry, forgot the name. Squadron 1? Force 1? Who cares.
Yeah, I get it. They all talk about the balance of the force. And yet, while balance implies a balance of light and dark, all we ever see is the light side trying to eradicate the dark side. Of course, only because the dark side wants to eradicate the light side. Who started it? Hen or egg? Who is more righteous?
As far as I am concerned, both purely light and dark forces are deluded. Both are denying a part of reality. Both are running away from themselves. Unassuming codependents against ultra-dominant narcissists.
But the movies, of course, make it easy to know who we should sympathize with.
The evil guy – Rango, Reilo, Reesi; something with R – is a fucking disappointment. He looks cool enough with his mask, but even then he is just a raging kid. He slashes stuff with his lightsaber all the time and often without reason and pointlessly mistreats his minions. There is neither elegance nor reason nor any believability in him. And when he puts down his mask, we are presented with what looks like an ugly duckling teenager – really young; when he comes close to the female lead with his face, she breaks out in tears and disgust. He is truly not granted the least amount of dignity. He is simply there to be despised and hated. He does have awesome force powers, though, at least in the beginning.
And then he is to kill his father. But he does not even fight him. His father comes there, offering him help and support and he slays him. Now, the big trouble with this is: If his father and mother are so loving and all that, why the fuck did he become evil? It does not make any sense. It makes him look like a total fool. Not only that, it makes him look like a fool who is being a fool without having any reason to be a fool. So we can point at him and say: See. Evil son. We tried our best.
But in real life, if your son turns out shit, there is quite a possibility that it has to do with the parents as well. Unless he is born a psychopath, I guess.
Think of it. Anakin Skywalker grew up without a father. Luke Skywalker grew up without knowing his father. Both had that lost boys’ rage in them. And in the expanded universe, Luke actually does convert to the dark side for a while.
What is Rundin – or whatever his name is – so angry about? Why is he doing all that – whatever it is that he is doing besides flying around in impressive dark spaceships and destroying stuff? Give me some meaning.
So we have a rather unbelievable, unattractive and immature villain.
If that is not enough, the whole evil force is just as unbelievable. So basically, you have this big fucking planet full of evil dudes. They come together at a large place with strong Nazi symbolism where the dictator-type leader gives a speech. Now, we already know that these are clones. Why the fuck do you need to give them speeches? They obey anyway. They are essentially machines. What is the point of giving an epic speech to a big army of machines that do not care? Fucking ridiculous.
But the rather difficult problems arise elsewhere.
The first example is when one stormtrooper decides to betray the evil guys and helps a captive escape.
During this escape, he blasts away at those who want to stop him and kills some good dozen of other stormtroopers. While stealing a ship from the evil guys.
So what are we made to believe? That that dozen stormtroopers had no souls, no hearts, no feelings, no families perhaps? But I guess that they may not have any families indeed, as you never see the evil guys in any situations but their evil scheming, raging around, killing people and destroying stuff.
So, put aside the question whether the actions and lives and the existence of the evil guys makes any sense and wonder: Are the good guys so much better when they destroy an entire planet full of evil guys? Is this Karma-neutral?
The movie in general
But alright, fuck the cliched bad guys.
Let me talk about the bitch. She is hot, smart, kinda cool, confident. I thought I would have difficulty dealing with it, because I found it hard to be relaxed around a confident woman in the past. But surprisingly, I took it quite well and actually enjoyed seeing her personality. I imagined what it would be like to fuck her. Two independent individuals exploring each other, letting each other fully be – and no, I do not mean this in a sex-eliminating equalistic sense. It entered my head to put her in her place and make her behave less aggressively and have expectations and all that, but then I decided that I quite like the shameless freedom and unique individuality and simply embraced her character as it was and towards the end, almost did not feel threatened by her presence at all. Cause I knew that another’s freedom does no longer restrain my own freedom. Sure, I still had a bitter taste in my mouth about the fact that I have to learn this kind of freedom in a very long and hard way, but fuck, who cares. Finding myself and then enjoying myself with other confident women is a much greater prospect than to have to keep fighting to micromanage and understand their variety of emotional expressions.
In general, I agree with Toysoldiers’ review. She is a cool enjoyable woman, but it is just plain ridiculous how fast she learns the force all on her own and then defeats the villain. Hell, you would imagine that learning the force is like meditating. Coming to peace with yourself and thus with the force and all that. Digging up issues and weaknesses. But no, she just does it. She is perfect. Very disappointing.
And the black guy, oh man. He is not exactly a total wuss, but he should have tried something sexist with her. Everytime they crawl through those ducts and I see her little ass before his head, I just want to slap and grab that thing and put my thing in.
The acting is generally very good, image quality and visual effects are indeed stunning. I love how they improved on the display of the light sabers and blasts. The wookie bow throws those storm troopers around like leaves in the autumn wind. The evil superlord is projected as a big fucking statue like Abraham Lincoln or whoever that famous big concrete dude on a chair is. I actually hoped that the evil superlord would actually be that big, which would be quite an amazing twist. But it was just a projection.
The black guy is introduced in a very cool manner. Another stormtrooper dies and smears blood over his helmet. Who would have thought that stormtroopers bleed? Amazing. Has depth.
But then whatever depth the acting promises, the story lacks. It is shallow and boring and there is practically no real challenge to overcome. There is not one really interesting fight in there in terms of dramaturgy. Spectacular, yes. Interesting, no.
As for it being a black guy and all that, I took this as an opportunity to challenge another belief that I was not even aware I was holding: That white people are evil trash. Yeah, I found myself being glad that it was a black guy, cause if it was a white guy, he would be shallow, uninteresting, evil, guilty, boring. I accepted that I believed that and then the belief vanished and I realized how ridiculous it was. I remember that I read that Abrams was disappointed about having a room full of white actors and suddenly I thought: What the fuck? You are telling me that a man who complains about a room full of white people is not racist? That does not make any sense. You are saying that white men deserve it due to their past? Well, no. Let those niggers grow up and get over their stupid revenge fantasies – by embracing and accepting them, of course – instead of acting them out all the time.
Not that I really cared. After challenging that belief of mine, I really felt neither way about it. Perhaps I would now have slightly preferred to see a white man, simply because I am one. But it is all cool, I guess. I do not need every movie reaffirm my identity. Although, I would not want to live in a state where I am the only left white guy. So there is some cognitive dissonance in my head about that, I guess.
Just one more thought, though: If your expressed wish is variety, why not take natural variety? Why not accept quantitative variety? That is, why not simply let most people be white if that is how your actors are? Does variety mean that you need exactly the same amount of every type of person? But does that not require, first, to categorize them correctly? To identify the valid types of people? And what is a valid category? Go deep enough and you find that each individual is his own category. And then you find that you always have immense variety, no matter which skin color you have.
Well, that was kind of a fun experience.
I hated the ads and laughed at a few, but mostly, I kinda let it wash over me stoically. I actually used my meditations instructions before the movie and felt Kundalini move around in my ass a little during the movie. Why not combine the pleasurable with the useful? Besides, the goal is to be very conscious at all times, not just while lying peacefully in bed. But also when blasters go off everywhere around you. So, the movie was simply another meditating session.
One of the most fascinating facts about meditating is how it is all about acceptance, but then how the acceptance actually frees you of that which you accept. And you revisit all those things in your life that you fear and want to run away from. You come into the situation and your conditioned fear tells you: Fuck. Again. Run. Only that suddenly, you no longer have to run. Suddenly, there is nothing to fear anymore. And that is just fucking fantastic. And eventually, you come to challenge even things that seemed so natural and habituated that you thought they were a part of being human. And suddenly you realize that they are another weakness you can let go of – this is usually something like having reservations or shame about some minor things that you do not even conciously think about most of the time, like certain facial expressions or saying things like bitch or whore.
Star Wars The Blah Blub is a nice movie with shitty bad guys and a godmode heroine. Sucks ass. At least, the bad guy should have raped her or something.
Over and out.