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15.12.2015

Manipulation can not exist without ignorance

Everybody is alone in this life. Common sense does not exist, neither does a collective database of knowledge everybody can access. Thus, everybody’s expectations of and predictions about the world reflect their personal set of knowledge or beliefs.

It is only due to the fact that an individual’s knowledge and inherent insight is limited that he can be manipulated in the way I mean.

I always thought: Hell, manipulation is pointless and dishonest. If we are going to do something, we can just as well be open about it. But it is a naive assumption. It presumes just that which does not exist: Omniscience.

If everybody knew everything or could get magic insight out of thin air, lies would be a ridiculous endeavor. Just as much as theories; if the truth was apparent, there would be no point in having debates.

But why do I believe in absolute truth? Because that is the language my elders used when I grew up. They did not propose ideas, instead they proclaimed truth. So I figured there must  be a magic pool of wisdom everyone else knows about. Likewise, if someone told me something, there was no room for doubt. Because in a world of absolute truth, lies can logically not exist. There would be no use for them.

Examples

If everybody knew everything, nobody could manipulate anybody.

Example 1

A girl gives you mixed signals about her levels of interest. You become confused. You would not be insecure if you actually knew the truth: Whether she wants to fuck you. There would be no point in playing games.

Example 2

You are a white knight and hide your desire from a girl. Maybe momma teached ya. But if everybody knew everything, there would be no point in pretending and if a girl liked you, you could be certain that she wants you as you are. You could be relaxed, without fear of losing her. Because you would know that there is no secret she can uncover that will make her abandon you. Likewise, you would know everything about her and obviously know if she would pretend to be something she is not.

Example 3

You pretend to be perfect and untouchable to win people’s affection. Well, if everybody knew everything, they would know of your faults. They would also know that others are not perfect, so there would be no perfection competition.

Example 4

You want to fuck a girl. She goes along. You kick her out. She cries rape. If everybody knew everything, people would never have false expectations. In this sense, you can use manipulation to get what you want. On the other hand, you kinda sell your soul by being dishonest. Had the girl known everything, she may have refused.

Ah, and besides, if everyone knew everything, one would always know beforehand that one will encounter a rapist at some place or time. There would need to be no more irrational fear-based protection laws as it would be clear that anybody who gets raped clearly wanted to get raped.

Example 5

If everybody knew everything, girls would either not choose to engage in slutty behavior or not feel ashamed for it.

Example 6

If everybody knew everything, you would never become friends with people you dislike. You would feel no obligation for pretense, as it would be pointless.

Example 7

Your boss tells you to grow with the company. He says you will like it. You do not want to appear ungrateful. If he knew everything, he may not believe that you will lke it. If you knew everything, you would know that he is basing his assumptions on hiss own personality, not yours. In fact, there would be no assumptions.  Just truth.

The power of beliefs

My point is, have knowledge. I always dismissed positive beliefs as new age bullshit. Even know, I prefer realism.

Yet I often made the mistake of discarding positive beliefs simply for being positive. My idea was: I am a tough boy, I can win with whatever belief.

I now understand the idiocy of it.

In hindsight, I always lacked energy for game, as an example. I figured I must just fight through it.

But my body kept protesting, not allowing me to do it.

Why? Because I hold / held the belief that girls are conspired against me and are only out to tease and reject me. And much worse, if they get the chance.

Well, of course my body would shut down. What point is there in attempting something that is literally impossible or potentially really dangerous?

So I was a victim of limited and ridiculously false knowledge which kept me from doing anything.

Was fear stopping me? No. Irrational fear was stopping me.

And I would have been very wise to distinguish between those two earlier. It took a book for me to challenge that completely natural belief of mine and consider: Other people do want to help me fulfill my needs.

Surely, many other examples can be brought up.

Escape manipulation

As said, the point is: Do not dismiss the value of accurate knowledge and realistic predictions.

There are two aspects to escape manipulation:

  1. Having no secrets from the world.
  2. Not letting the world have secrets from you.

Just consider how many possibilities you missed because you just did not know of them.

It sometimes feels like the voices in your head and your thought – positive or negative – are absolute truth. But why do they feel absolute? Because they always existed in your mind since you were born and nothing ever challenged them.

But, you may think, I heard those positive slogans all my life.

Right, you did. But at some point, you decided to automatically dismiss them, thus not opening yourself up to them in that innocent curious sense.

Like dismissing conspiracy theorists.

Fine. They may be nuts. But is that really, honestly your own judgment and conclusion? Or just what everybody else around you thinks? Have you ever done an honest attempt to dispute them by your own standards?

Maybe you have. Do you remember why you rejected them? Is that reason still valid with your new knowledge of today?

And if you rejected an idea, was that idea really the same as the one presented to you today? Or was it just superficially similar?

Was the conspiracy you rejected comparable to the current one? Was the person who spoke it equally believable as your currrent source?

Alright, you may believe that all conspiracy theorists are the same. Then again, most of what you read in newspapers are lies, too. But does that mean that absolutely everything in a newspaper is a lie? Think. That makes you manipulable, too. If somebody does not want you to believe something, they hire some guy to spread this truth while appearing like a mad conspiracy theorist. Let him talk about reptilians. And you will say: Oh, that truth was so seducing! But damn, I should have known it! I should have listened to the official truths! They all turn out to be crazy!

I hated love. Because in my mind, love was just anguish and pain and dependency. On the surface, through gestures, it may look similar to the real thing, but is it?

A world of absolute truth

A world of absolute truth is a world without shame. Because there is no point in hiding if everybody knows anyway.

Thus, one step to losing shame always has to involve honesty. In a funny way, you protect yourself from manipulation by having nothing to hide. If another person knows everything about you, you can never feel guilty for betraying that person.

And even when I do – or just because I do – believe that absolute truth is not humanly knowable or existent, one of the biggest fauxpas of all may be the belief that you have found absolute truth, from then on closing yourself up to new knowledge.

Mommy issues

And if you think absolute truth is good, think what got you into this mess. Consider this:

Mommy told you you were special. That you were smart and a quick learner and almost always right. You were proud. That pride was the only thing you had. Then mommy told you that daddy was evil. You wanted to feel pride and prove yourself, so you eagerly accepted her words and from now on shouted them out into the world. Look momma, I understand perfect truth!  I am smart!

And the old ugly women and teachers would then proclaim how you were wise beyond your age.

And if you ever did question that truth, you were shamed. Or people started to be disappointed and no longer had that glow in their eyes when you spoke. It hurt you.

So you learned to be ashamed of your doubts and openness to new ideas.

You kept around people who – like you – knew the obvious truth. You kept away from the evil outsiders who attacked it. You liked to be around people who recognized your intellect.

And somehow, you believe that thinking you know it all serves you. No. It serves those who came first in your life. For you, that delusion was a protection from shame, possibly even pain from an authoritative parent. But eventually, that shame and/or pain kept you from ever challenging what you considered to be your own thoughts. Your absolute truth.

Pride to escape emptiness and the avoidance of shame of doubt made you a shadow of yourself.

You see now, it is not only false knowledge that sets you up for failure. Even more so the vaccine against new beliefs. The firewall of pride and shame, defending your beliefs. But they are not really yours. They are what someone allowed you to believe. And then told you what a smart kid you were, coming up with it all on your own. The pride of ownership makes these beliefs into your identity, such that challenging them becomes like suicide and loss of that identity. Of your specialness. But you are not your thoughts. You are you.

Mommy wants you to think that men are evil bastads who want to compromise your intellect and individual thought. Because your individual thought is hers. You are ever the same white knight, protecting not yourself really, but a treasure with a curse that mommy gave ya.

You have no trust in your ability to discern truth from lie, therefore you feel like a victim of those challenging you beliefs. But how then, can you be so certain of what you already know?

Treat ideas as cogs in your  mechanics. Tools to be used and discarded.

You liked to be around people who recognized your intellect. And that is okay. It was an innocent mistake. You now know you do not need people to praise your intellect. You only need the freedom to let in every thought that could possibly help you fuck this world over, pardon, rock life. Practically, it means every single one.

And whatever I wrote about my mother here also applies to daddys, of course. The point is not to exchange feminine doctrine for male doctrine, but to become free.

Happy studying.

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  • Micah Geni

    Tough problem. Ignorance or trust. Trust is precious. One can trust, yet not be ignorant. It is a bit hard though. And surprises will be less, which is also a loss.. Manipulation is abuse, since it implies knowledge of the consequenses of ones behavior, yet it is also a learning experience for the abused one. It can be intended to be positive or negative. It can be bad, or good. Even bad manipulation, can bring positivity.

    Personally, I prefer to just state the various potential outcomes, of something, and let the reciever choose what chances to take. If a person simply already have acknowledged, that win-lose, is a lot more common (zerosum), than win-win, he will tend to have some inner brakes, that will pull and demand some more time to think the offer over again.

    • I read something with which I agree: It is not others you have to trust. It is yourself you have to trust to deal with all the shit that will be thrown at you. In the end, the trust you need to have is in yourself. The trust that you will manage, even if that which is told to you is not true.

      Maybe the real problem is not even trust. Maybe the real problem is fear of manipulation. As when you fear being manipulated, you may reject something that may be true – while clinging to something that is not.

      For example, Christians make you afraid of spirituality. They make horror movies about spirituality. Lots of fear of getting ‘seduced’. And yet, how is that self-responsible? Rule by fear. You become so afraid of even considering the other side of the argument that you never dare to figure out whether you are following a truth or lies.

      • Micah Geni

        “Fear of manipulation”.. Lol. yeah maybe. Its a good one.
        So afraid to be manipulated that one get stuck and cling on to a worse illusion, which of course is already a manipulation.

  • Smokingjacket

    Manipulation is part of the fabric of our world. You can’t escape it. Besides with women there’s a very fine line between seduction and manipulation- in fact the excitement and ecstasy of the most rewarding type of sex- is often based on the undermining of one’s natural position. Subversion, seduction and manipulation will always be an essential ingredient in sexual relations between the sexes.

    • I do not agree. But I also acknowledge my lack of experience, so this will be a debate for another day.

      • Smokingjacket

        Fine enough Tom. The realm of seduction can be a cavern of revelations.