For me personally, going on a rampage is not a real option at the moment. I just do not want to die. And I want to eventually fuck all these problems in the ass and then get some. But anyway, what are some alternatives to starting to run around killing people?
Your background and preferences may be completely different to mine. I do not know. Frankly, I have not considered it. Maybe you read my first article and think I am a loser who can tell you nothing. Well, I can understand that. No offense taken.
Anyway, here are some ideas for alternative ways to deal with the rage. If that is your motivation. Which I assume, because – as mentioned in the first part – this is not an article for psychopaths who do it for fun. Which I can intellectually understand, but it is not who I am. If that is who you are, my thoughts are meaningless to you.
Some of the following tips are based on my own experiences, others are based on hearsay and speculation.
Get in trouble with the police
Like here. Not taking shit from authority is a great way to vent upwards and protest. For me, it is the only way. Daddy is not there. Maybe it will cost me lots of money and I will go to prison. Hell, how much worse than my current life can it be? My flat, in which I spend most of my time, is not so much better than a cell, now, is it?
When you are on a bicycle and they tell you to stop, ignore them. See how they get angry and laugh. Shout catch me. If they are in a car, you can lose them by driving in one-way streets and stuff like that. Be creative.
As mentioned in the previous part, this can give you mental clarity.
Tell people your honest opinion
If that is a concern of yours: Stop pretending. Get over your guilt and shame and write angry messages to all the people who ever hurt you. Do not do it to hurt them, do it to express yourself. They will write back stuff like You are damaged, You are mad, et cetera. Most of them will be pretty surprised about what you really think of them. You will feel guilty for hurting them like that – if it hurts them, I am not sure. Maybe some of them.
This incidentally also caused my old boss to assume I had stolen his data, which got me into trouble with the police.
I will elaborate on this later in this article.
Trip a few times. Psychedelics have the notion of allowing me to look at my thoughts and emotions without my brain shutting down due to indoctrinated judgment. Even an Ayahuasca ceremony may do you good, although it did not seem like that at the time for me.
LSD, magic mushrooms, DMT, Ayahuasca.
You may think that this is similar to getting drunk, but it is nothing like that. Scientology and their vapid Say No To Drugs campaign claims that the promise of LSD is to make you forget your problems. The truth is, the opposite happens. It forces you to confront your demons, so to speak. That can be darn painful and confusing, but also cool.
Learn martial arts
Do some martial arts with sparring, it is a wonderful experience. Painful, too, but I personally relished the pain. I currently do not do it anymore, because I hurt my elbow. Fucking shit.
Fighting can be a very intimate experience and that kind of connection was the reason for me to start.
This is something I have only tried one or two times, but it felt good. From what I read everywhere, it is a very good thing. You may want to consider this.
Write about your thoughts and feelings. It is not as satisfying as having a good talk with someone – because even comments are just words and you do not see the people behind them – but it is a good way to get to understand yourself.
Build bombs or shoot
Learn to build some basic bombs and detonate them in the forest. It is fucking awesome. Be careful not to hurt yourself.
I never tried paintball, but I played Airsoft matches quite a lot. You may enjoy that, too. A good match is frightening and exciting.
Shooting on a shooting range may be good, too. And hunting. I never did it, but I imagine it must be great.
Game and Sex
I am not good with women at all. Or maybe I am not that bad – I am tall and have a good looking face – but simply too lazy.
But the few times in my life that I actually dared to do something about my missing sex life, I felt very fulfilled. Chasing pussy is exciting and frightening and it hurts me to get rejected. But frankly, I can not remember a single day where I did not feel glad about having been out and tried something.
When I asked the hotel clerk for sex, I had the best sleep in my life. When I set after my colleague at work at a party and kept bugging her, I felt fulfilled as a man, even if nothing came from it. I felt like a hunter.
I never pulled through with this, though.
Honesty and approval
The following ideas are based on the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Yeah, it sounds like faggy self-help, I know. But it is a solid piece of writing.
Firstly, where does all the anger come from? Resentment? Because you always keep your mouth shut? Well, how would life be if you did not? What if you learned to speak up for yourself and got into conflicts when necessary? What if you had an outlet? What if you became more honest in general?
Secondly, what do you think would happen if you knew that you are okay even if you have these thoughts? That people approve of you and can love you?
No worries, man, I do not mean the kind of strings-attached love. I mean the kind where you feel healed afterward, not the one where you become dependent on the person who is giving it.
The two ideas go hand in hand. To find out that you are lovable, you need to receive love. But if it is to mean anything, two conditions must be met. For once, the person who is giving the love must be meaningful to you. If you think of him as some kind of narcissistic supply / scum, it will mean nothing.
Second, you must actually be honest about who you are to people. If you do not show yourself fully, you can not be approved of fully. If you keep hiding the one little detail that you think will make people hate you, the approval will feel that much more empty and dull.
And, yeah, when I say showing yourself, I do not mean in the sense of forcing out some tears and shit. I mean, what brought you here? Rage. Aggression. So that is what you gotta show. And whatever else there is. You need to speak the words you mean with the intonation you mean and with the emotion you mean. You must not sugarcoat it.
In the first part, I told you what I did. I asked an acquaintance for some understanding. Yes, literally. I wrote a raging fucking mail. Both conditions were met. Firstly, the person was not somebody I consider as lower than me or scum. I did not ask for praise or heroism, but for understanding. Secondly, I was honest.
It does feel a bit awkward. A bit unintuitive. Why? Because when you are supposed to be honest and emotional, you are supposed to show weakness and shit, right? Cry and cower. How weird for a grown man to want to be loved for his rage, for his wish to see the world burn. For who he is. How shameful, right. But it is what it is. It is actually kind of the same paradox I face with rough sex: I want to dominate and be on top, yet I want approval of myself having that wish. And someone granting it to me.
I am not really satisfied with this write up. It sounds a bit sappy and so, the part with being loved. Try the book I recommended, the author does a better job.
Hell, anyway. This is what got into my mind. Let me know if anything is missing. Otherwise, this is the last part for now.