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17.10.2015

Should you go on a rampage? – Part 4: Alternatives

For me personally, going on a rampage is not a real option at the moment. I just do not want to die. And I want to eventually fuck all these problems in the ass and then get some. But anyway, what are some alternatives to starting to run around killing people?

Your background and preferences may be completely different to mine. I do not know. Frankly, I have not considered it. Maybe you read my first article and think I am a loser who can tell you nothing. Well, I can understand that. No offense taken.

Anyway, here are some ideas for alternative ways to deal with the rage. If that is your motivation. Which I assume, because – as mentioned in the first part – this is not an article for psychopaths who do it for fun. Which I can intellectually understand, but it is not who I am. If that is who you are, my thoughts are meaningless to you.

Some of the following tips are based on my own experiences, others are based on hearsay and speculation.

Get in trouble with the police

Like here. Not taking shit from authority is a great way to vent upwards and protest. For me, it is the only way. Daddy is not there. Maybe it will cost me lots of money and I will go to prison. Hell, how much worse than my current life can it be? My flat, in which I spend most of my time, is not so much better than a cell, now, is it?

When you are on a bicycle and they tell you to stop, ignore them. See how they get angry and laugh. Shout catch me. If they are in a car, you can lose them by driving in one-way streets and stuff like that. Be creative.

As mentioned in the previous part, this can give you mental clarity.

Tell people your honest opinion

If that is a concern of yours: Stop pretending. Get over your guilt and shame and write angry messages to all the people who ever hurt you. Do not do it to hurt them, do it to express yourself. They will write back stuff like You are damagedYou are mad, et cetera. Most of them will be pretty surprised about what you really think of them. You will feel guilty for hurting them like that – if it hurts them, I am not sure. Maybe some of them.

This incidentally also caused my old boss to assume I had stolen his data, which got me into trouble with the police.

I will elaborate on this later in this article.

Try psychedelics

Trip a few times. Psychedelics have the notion of allowing me to look at my thoughts and emotions without my brain shutting down due to indoctrinated judgment. Even an Ayahuasca ceremony may do you good, although it did not seem like that at the time for me.

LSD, magic mushrooms, DMT, Ayahuasca.

You may think that this is similar to getting drunk, but it is nothing like that. Scientology and their vapid Say No To Drugs campaign claims that the promise of LSD is to make you forget your problems. The truth is, the opposite happens. It forces you to confront your demons, so to speak. That can be darn painful and confusing, but also cool.

Learn martial arts

Do some martial arts with sparring, it is a wonderful experience. Painful, too, but I personally relished the pain. I currently do not do it anymore, because I hurt my elbow. Fucking shit.

Fighting can be a very intimate experience and that kind of connection was the reason for me to start.

Lift weights

This is something I have only tried one or two times, but it felt good. From what I read everywhere, it is a very good thing. You may want to consider this.

Write

Write about your thoughts and feelings. It is not as satisfying as having a good talk with someone – because even comments are just words and you do not see the people behind them – but it is a good way to get to understand yourself.

Build bombs or shoot

Learn to build some basic bombs and detonate them in the forest. It is fucking awesome. Be careful not to hurt yourself.

I never tried paintball, but I played Airsoft matches quite a lot. You may enjoy that, too. A good match is frightening and exciting.

Shooting on a shooting range may be good, too. And hunting. I never did it, but I imagine it must be great.

Game and Sex

I am not good with women at all. Or maybe I am not that bad – I am tall and have a good looking face – but simply too lazy.

But the few times in my life that I actually dared to do something about my missing sex life, I felt very fulfilled. Chasing pussy is exciting and frightening and it hurts me to get rejected. But frankly, I can not remember a single day where I did not feel glad about having been out and tried something.

When I asked the hotel clerk for sex, I had the best sleep in my life. When I set after my colleague at work at a party and kept bugging her, I felt fulfilled as a man, even if nothing came from it. I felt like a hunter.

I never pulled through with this, though.

Honesty and approval

The following ideas are based on the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Yeah, it sounds like faggy self-help, I know. But it is a solid piece of writing.

Firstly, where does all the anger come from? Resentment? Because you always keep your mouth shut? Well, how would life be if you did not? What if you learned to speak up for yourself and got into conflicts when necessary? What if you had an outlet? What if you became more honest in general?

Secondly, what do you think would happen if you knew that you are okay even if you have these thoughts? That people approve of you and can love you?

No worries, man, I do not mean the kind of strings-attached love. I mean the kind where you feel healed afterward, not the one where you become dependent on the person who is giving it.

The two ideas go hand in hand. To find out that you are lovable, you need to receive love. But if it is to mean anything, two conditions must be met. For once, the person who is giving the love must be meaningful to you. If you think of him as some kind of narcissistic supply / scum, it will mean nothing.

Second, you must actually be honest about who you are to people. If you do not show yourself fully, you can not be approved of fully. If you keep hiding the one little detail that you think will make people hate you, the approval will feel that much more empty and dull.

Show yourself

And, yeah, when I say showing yourself, I do not mean in the sense of forcing out some tears and shit. I mean, what brought you here? Rage. Aggression. So that is what you gotta show. And whatever else there is. You need to speak the words you mean with the intonation you mean and with the emotion you mean. You must not sugarcoat it.

In the first part, I told you what I did. I asked an acquaintance for some understanding. Yes, literally. I wrote a raging fucking mail. Both conditions were met. Firstly, the person was not somebody I consider as lower than me or scum. I did not ask for praise or heroism, but for understanding. Secondly, I was honest.

It does feel a bit awkward. A bit unintuitive. Why? Because when you are supposed to be honest and emotional, you are supposed to show weakness and shit, right? Cry and cower. How weird for a grown man to want to be loved for his rage, for his wish to see the world burn. For who he is. How shameful, right. But it is what it is. It is actually kind of the same paradox I face with rough sex: I want to dominate and be on top, yet I want approval of myself having that wish. And someone granting it to me.

I am not really satisfied with this write up. It sounds a bit sappy and so, the part with being loved. Try the book I recommended, the author does a better job.

Other outlets

Hell, anyway. This is what got into my mind. Let me know if anything is missing. Otherwise, this is the last part for now.

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  • thordaddy

    First, take greater effort to scrub all homo-erotic innuendo from your writing. This should be a big theme for you. Single motherhood is sexually stunting. Single white motherhood turns white sons into homo-sexuals… Unable to bond to a single female… A single wife… A single mother of your children.

    But that list is good for the younger generation. And I do like that bike idea… It seems like a great adrenaline rush. Martials arts is a great endeavor because once one embraces the art without forsaking the martial then training can partake at all times and at all places throughout one’s daily routine.

    • What homo-erotic innuendo?

      • thordaddy

        Your third sentence. It’s a latent residual of your sexual stunting.

        • Ass-fucking? Yeah, I just like to provoke a bit. I admit that my desire for assfucking has gone down considerably since having a connection with god. Now that I know that he does not really care or condemn what I do, there kinda is no longer a point in doing stuff simply for the sake of doing something extravagant.

          • thordaddy

            Read how you’ve actually doubled down… A very regressive aspect of your maturation is elevated even further by labeling the signal “extravagant.”

            Your reference to sodomy is not a declaration of desire to sodomize males, but rather a single that you will not procreate and maintain healthy family with a single woman… This is the homo-sexual “nature,” ie., the self-annihilating “nature.” Ergo, a regressive, stunted “nature” the prevents one from reaching manhood.

          • thordaddy

            ^^^ but rather, a [signal] that you will not procreate…

          • Well, you can call it what you want. Unless you can explain to me thd benefits of that maturation – or simply put: blind submission to your ideals – I see no point in it.

          • thordaddy

            The benefit of sexual maturation is solidified identity.

          • See. Now we are talking. But your identity is not necessarily mine. For being against equality, yoh have surprisingly little tolerance for diversity.

          • thordaddy

            I’m not against redundancy. I readily acknowledge its wide perception. I am against those who attempt to impose redundancy on the single individual by any means necessary.

          • You are confusing me.

          • thordaddy

            Do you possess a unique Self or are you simply layers upon layers of redundancy?

          • Unique self.

          • thordaddy

            Is there “room” in a unique Self for redundant layers? Or, is such redundancy the manner in which one denies his unique Self?

          • Intriguing, but which part of my self am I denying?

          • thordaddy

            Just those aspects not conceptualized and/or falsely conceived? But the denial is more a passive denial.

          • thordaddy

            If “you” are attempting to get an objective view of your Self then “you” must put your mind at BOTH the Origin and edge of the entire Universe TO POSSIBLY “see” your entire objective Self. The scientist CLAIMS it impossible (and can see “nothing” at the Origin and the Edge) AND you stand with science. Draw your own conclusion this time.

          • Well. If you want to keep it that abstract, I will find it hard to integrate those mysterious parts.

          • thordaddy

            Even when made aware of your habitual use of sodomitic phrases combined with your homo-sexual stunting, you’ll obliviously deny the connection AS THOUGH applying some aspect of “aloof” game.

            Add to this desires of Asian miscegenation which in relation to an unspoken distaste for white females raises no immediate eyebrows?

            Your knee jerk response will be as predictable as my response to your knee jerk response.

            You DO CARE about whether you are a walking and talking example of PASSIVE self-annihilation….

            You DO CARE whether you are an unwitting dupe of the zeitgeist convinced of your righteous rebellion perhaps gone horribly wrong…

            If your language is not the window into the reality of your mind then what language are you speaking exactly?

          • I am not denying that you speak the truth. The problem is that I do not understand what you are trying to say. So I can hardly verify your ideas. If you wish to convert me, you should be attempting to use my kind of language to explain your ideas to me. You may as well shout truth at me in Arabian language and complain that I do not understand. But the fact that I chose Arabian in this example surely must be a proof of my self-annihilatory tendencies?

          • thordaddy

            Can you WILLINGLY NOT connect dots? Or, if dots are to be connected like those dots above, are you able to “automatically” connect them?

          • thordaddy

            Universal Equality = Total Redundancy…

            You understand equations, right? That’s a true or false equation WHETHER you can comprehend those subjects or not.

            The reality is that it ^^^ is a true equation WITH NO concrete reality. No NOW is redundant. Your NOW only has the appearance of redundancy because you cannot “see” the total NOW… You lack vision.

            But, if you could “see” the Total Now then you would “see” a singularity, ie., a unique one-time universe wide material configuration NOW. And then another and another. And then another. You would NEVER “see” redundancy. The cue in is when the theoretical physicist declares to the sheepwalkers a multiverse. In other words, the theoretical physicist, even when at the edge of HIS OWN universe with a view of the Total Now NEEDS the MULTIVERSE, ie., dieversity, to “see” his own universe. He cannot “see” the Singularity AND is clearly dispirited.

          • What you say reminds me of this dude Bashar. Ever heard of him?

          • thordaddy

            No… Who is he?

          • A multidimensional whatever-the-fuck channeled through some dude. He says almost exactly the same thing. Each micromoment is a unique snapshot, a unique universe.

          • thordaddy

            I’m less mystic and more empirical in this regard. I’m more driven to hold the materialist’s feet to “its” fire for the insistent crime of attempting to banish the transcendent realm to an off-limit zone to all. What a real POS this type of “it” is… Because “it” does not desire then no one can desire this transcendent desire. What a charlatan and despicable subhuman. If redundancy is the materialist’s number one rule, ie., there are no singularities… No Nows, then “it” MUST PAY THE FULL PRICE for that “rule.”

          • Phew, maybe it is the exhaustion from the training, but I really have no clue what you are talking about.

          • thordaddy

            If our fundamental rules are different then whose rules are we livimg by or do our own first principles mean nothing?

            If your reality is all physical and my reality is BOTH physical and Super-physical then how is that you can accuse me of imposing on you when it is actually you attempting to impose a stunted reality on me?

            This ^^^ is the nature of your relationship to reality on every dimension including the one with your mother. She imposed a smaller world on you and “in effect” accused you of imposing the smaller world on her. It’s dastardly.

  • thordaddy

    Just because you are a male does not mean you cannot carry on the pathogies of your mother. You apparently don’t accede to any kind of biological mandate or else you’d have to have exonerated your mother by now due your own biological mandate. Perhaps though, with your proto-homo advice, you are a mere extension of your mother’s biological mandate and your unwillingness to grant her such desires (desire to turn her son into a faggot to spite his father) is your own battle with homo-sexuality* to spite your father.

    *Again, do not think “conventionally” about homosexuality… Know that the “conventional wisdom” is such that you embrace it and not that it is truth. You DO IN FACT embrace homo-sexuality when it comes to only using females to sexually gratify yourself with no intention of bonding, procreating and staying committed to a single one for the remainder of your life.

    • I would like to have a female committed to me. I do not want to commit to one.

      But frankly, it is just speculation. I have yet to find out what it is I like.

      These days, the wish to fuck is less a wish to only sexually gratify myself. I do like the connection that I sometimes make with girls these days. Carrying that into sexuality is a great desire for me, would be a great intimate thing. But why commit to a single one?

      • thordaddy

        Because you don’t want to be homo… I assume?

        • I had a few thoughts about it. I came to the conclusion that being called a homo is very fitting for a rebel like me. I like it. Although I do not feel the desire to sleep with men. But hey, let them think what they want. Why carry all that shame around? Why give a fuck?

          • thordaddy

            Lol… No “man…” Your indifference to the charge is not evidence of rebellion BUT unaware submission to the narrative…

            DO NOT think “homo-sexual” in the manner that involves MEN… This is a fantasy of yours. This is evidence of your submission to the narrative. MEN ARE NOT sexually averse to females NOR are they sexually attracted to males.

            You ARE NOT man self-designate. You are only man when other real men deem you man and only are you man AT THAT POINT in accordance with the manly conception of the males around you. The males around CLEARLY BELIEVE homos can be MEN. Ergo, slaves to the zeitgeist. Cyclical perpetrators of their mothers’ sins.

          • Yeah, yeah, call me whatever you want.

            Tell me, why should I care about sin? I do not believe in an afterlife.

          • thordaddy

            Because you hate the fact of perpetual self-annihilation that was inflicted upon you AND CONTINUES to afflict you as we write.

          • Ah? In which way?

          • thordaddy

            I assume in all ways… Those who attempted to destroy your sense of Origin and Final Destination need to be dealt with accordingly. Agree or disagree?

          • Agree.

          • And, incidentally, how do I choose the real men whom are to call me man? A cyclical kind of problem. Only god can help me choose. You are a voice among many.

          • thordaddy

            Well then claim a god that allows you to revel in your homo-sexuality and quit whining about your mother stunting your sexual maturity when no such concept actually exists in your mind.

            Or, acknowledge that your sexual maturation was stunted, turned towards homo-sexuality and is further stunted by your subliminal tolerance of its basest act given to “exalted” status due a perversion of the Logos IN YOUR MIND.

          • Well, I never claimed that my god is Christian. Christianity is a man-made invention.

            As for the rest of your rambling, I am really not sure what you are trying to say. I told you many times that I eventually wish to be a father. It seems to go past you.

          • thordaddy

            Objective Supremacy is no man-made invention.

            And you cannot believe in the homo-sexual “father” without gutting the essence of one or both of the physical elements.

          • thordaddy

            Don’t even worry about that yet… JUST KNOW that males cannot legitimately self-designate themselves “men” ESPECIALLY WHEN males are tolerant of the homo-sexual “nature,” ie., the very “nature” signaling a stunting of the male in his endeavoring towards manhood.