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10.06.2015

How to deal with failure – Part 1: Feel pathetic

I haven’t masturbated but twice in four days. For some reason my sex drive is shooting through the sky, I can barely think clearly. I’m sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s. Do you know the mory feeling in your chest when you love somebody deeply, as if something inside your thorax was somehow vibrating in harmony with all your surroundings? I feel just that way – but I feel it all around my dick.

Hearing test, once more. I’m not confident. In fact I’m terrified, but the intensity of my lust makes it clear to me that there’s no way I’m not going to try to fuck the lewd redhead right at this place. And as I imagine it, something is very different from the last times I was sitting here. It has always been a fantasy, to be indulged in. Now the vision is real and my body is preparing itself for the trivial movements that would be necessary to take her. Trivial yet untrained.

My body craves her, yet I do not even know if she is here.

She is.

I follow her into a room. She asks if my hearing is better and I demand she whisper something in my ear to test it. Whatever you want. She doesn’t, but she gets where I’m going and skillfully deflects with humor. I’m trembling on the inside; can there possibly be any more relishable feeling than this tension?

We do some tests; apparently my ears are good.

I touch her hair.

“Is that a real red?”
– “Noo.”
– “I wonder why I’m so into it…”
– “Yeah…”

She bows away, over the computer desk. I lay my hand on her back and lean in behind her ear. I have not practiced speaking very manly, so I just say it.

“Have you ever been fucked at work?”

Gotcha!

“No? And it’s not ever going to happen.”

I realize one of the problems of PUA forums. Words are so irrelevant. She could have said this in a way that would have encouraged me and she could have said it in a way that would have repelled me. Instead, she said it in a somewhat surprised, tad shocked and humorous way. Doesn’t matter, my penis is controlling me and in the heat of the moment, I simply will not lose my frame. At least that is my perception.

“Why not?”
– “What do you think I am?” (that sounds promising!)
– “A woman with needs” (touching her lower back, somewhat ineptly)
– “I’m sure there’s a lot of other women who have more urgent needs than me. Believe me, I’m quite well attended in that matter.” (I believe her. Tattoos.)

I don’t feel like I’ve lost yet, but I’m realizing that this situation calls for some verbal finesse that I lack. I say nothing and take my arm off her back. Maybe I will try to kiss her when she turns around.

She takes the paper out of the printer and hands me my patients card, tells me to go see the doctor now. I merely grin broadly at her and she smiles back, as if we had an inside joke. Usually, this would be good, right? But women sometimes smile and then they’re totally weird. Confusing. 

I go see the doctor. Long minutes pass as I wait for him. But good, I’m finally healthy. I enter the main hall and loudly announce my health. Thank you! I’m healed! Arrivederci! My enthusiasm hits all but my favorite girl who unusually quietly and shyly  says Bye

I’m defeated. Yet another girl alienated.

I should have done better

I feel as though the devil is pulling me into hell after having sinned. Feel like a piece of shit, worthless. My mind keeps saying you should have touched her the right way, you shouldn’t have stopped. She was playing with you. But maybe she wasn’t. Well, you did do something at least. But it was pathetic. No one would have dared to do this. Yet she spoke so casually; she should have been in awe. Maybe your idea was not that special, after all. And I failed it anyway.

Indeed

My mind races and searches for a positive angle on this. Please, I need some proof that there is something that is worth this pain. I feel guilty for imposing on her such a meek attempt. Guilty for making her feel uncomfortable. When a movie hero does this, it’s funny, because everyone’s on his side. But no one is on my side here. I am a reject, a loser and I’m alone in this. I crave someone to pat me on the back and say: Well done, lad. But no one’s comingBut there has to be a good angle on this; you’re the good one. She thinks I’m pathetic. I went in with the wrong mindset, that’s why I failed. I just need to think enough about it and some day, I will reach a point where I can not fail.

Desperate attempts of my brain to stop the formation of pathways that associate my desire and nonchalance with a profound feeling of emptiness. Go after girls and the heavens will punish you, just like you deserve it.

And then it strikes me.

You’re pathetic

This isn’t the feeling of being evil. This emptiness is a judgment on myself. I’m pathetic. I failed. It’s the feeling of failure. End of the story. Suddenly my mind is liberated. Thoughts slow down.

But I did well until… why should I care. This emotion of defeat is not going away. I failed. I’m pathetic. There’s no need to fabricate some bullshit narrative about a virtuous hero. There’s no need for a pretense of self-esteem. I failed. I’m pathetic. And that’s okay.

And I start to understand men. Who cares about your fucking number close or kiss close. Dick in vagina or no dick in vagina. Yes. This is not about being hard on yourself. This is about leaving failures behind. If I let my brain search for good angles to boost my confidence, I will end up with fake confidence – after all, how can I possibly know if this or that move was good. I’ll end up rejecting the pain.

No, I’ll not lose thoughts over this. I give my brain an excuse to stop thinking:

Brain, stop thinking, it’s not worth it. I’m pathetic. I failed. You can’t save me and you don’t need to.

And my brain answers: Thank you, Tom.

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  • alex

    This is a raw, real, not holding anything back, kick-ass post, Tom. I didn’t know about your blog, I just stumbled upon it from D&P. Look forward to more post like these.

    -Alex
    http://www.inertiawillhurtya.com

    • Thanks Alex, glad you liked it. There seems to be truth in what Mike once wrote. If it is painful to write, it has potential to be good.

      • Mikey Mike

        Honestly. I think if you just don’t stress at all. Even talk a bit more like you write. Astrophysics can also be “fascinating” for everyone. It depends on the storyteller.. And as a last resort, buy a few glasses of wine. Most women would be very tempted. I should correct myself. Most mentally quite sane would be tempted. Golddiggers and other groups. Probably some of them too, but just as a bonus.

        Good sex, for me, has a lot to do about observing the partner wanting to do good stuff for and to me.
        Putting it bluntly: Socking my cock because she wants to. Even desires. Not because I asked her to do it. Observations like that, really turns me on, and makes me want to do similar things. In economical terms it would be rather similar to the value of free trade
        There is a feeling element to it as well. You can feel (back to basic) on the way a woman does it, if she really wants to. It isn’t “mechanical”.
        I use it as a “psychopath” test. Far from bullet-proof, but it may have a point. The logic goes like this:
        A grown up person who knows love, will care if you enjoy what she is doing. Experience varies, so the more insecure, will look more often for signals that you also enjoy. Probably too shy to ask directly (which is also a kind of turn off in that moment). But she will care and observe.
        Some don’t, despite a lot of past experience (according to themselves). It may even be painful, what they do, but mostly feels like nothing. Because there is nothing to it. They are not into it. Not because you asked them to do it, because you didn’t. It was she that took the initiative. She thinks what she is doing to you is supposed to be good for your. All men enjoy it. She is so sure, that she doesn’t really need to look for signals. She is basically treating you as a tool or a thing. To me, a red flag.

        • You know, I think I’d like me a psychopathic girl who doesn’t give a fuck about me and whom I can give a fuck about. A kind of intellectual animalistic relationship. Using each other.

          Maybe I’m too bitter. I feel tired of people caring about whether other people like what they do, including me. I want a girl to enjoy myself and I want a girl who wants me for enjoying herself. I realize that this would require some training for me to achieve, though.

          The last thing I want is a girl whom I have to convince that I like what she does or who needs a lot of affirmation. Neither do I want a girl who thinks she has to fix me, help me, heal me or even have an opinion about my life.

          It is my conviction that most girls are exactly like that, though, and that is a big part of the reason I don’t care to get to know any and even feel sick of the thought of approaching one. Maybe I’ll get over myself someday soon, who knows.

          • Mikey Mike

            It is a delicately complicated matter.
            I want someone trustworthy, basically for the sake of potential children. Fit enough to have a decent sex life. Smart enough to have her own opinions and solutions to small and larger problems. Self-assure, but not stupidly stubborn. Integrity. A little curious. Emotional, but with self-control. Logically. Sporty.
            Hehe.. calling it a day… What diagnosis would she have ?

            I shall sum it up:
            I desire to meet someone I really enjoy being with a lot. :)

          • You seem quite positive today. Take away the sentence about the diagnosis and you sound like a healthy man.

            Take care.

          • Mikey Mike

            Right now you may want someone like described. It is correct right now. It is maybe even good for you right now.

            In the longer run, I think it just feels better to create a kind of building. Construct something together. Say, a family. When/if that time comes, I’d say “pick someone else”

            Things develop. She may change, you may change, the relationship too. I’m not so sure those things can be planned. You see someone you like, try to get her in a conservation. A simple “hi”. The response will give you more signals. Go with the flow.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            She was at work with probably a 15 minute time frame to move you from her office chair to the next level of care before someone would come knocking because everyone was falling behind. You would do better to offer to take her to lunch. Women need the same things you do, in that scenario she needed time, opportunity, and privacy. After you left, and the blush diminished from her cheeks and neck, she probably thought of that encounter repeatedly. Partially she may have wondered if she had done something that made you think that she’s easy but she was probably equally excited. You’ll better know her reaction the next time you see her, her response to you will say a lot about your actual success or failure. But for God’s sake, don’t ‘front’ or be generic. That would turn her off to you. Own what you did and what you want, coyness in men is confusing and repulsive. – just some friendly insight and advice :-)

          • No way I’m losing a night’s sleep over one particular chick.

            Lunch is boring and I had asked her out before, anyway, and she had refused. To her own misfortune, of course.

            Coyness is very repulsive. I despise it in other men and I despise it in myself, so I think I am quite healthy.

            Out of curiosity, what’s the benefit of the friendliness of your insight?

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            It’s a teachable moment, I give you a keener perspective and some good advice, you walk out into the world and employ it. That alone makes a better, less frustrating, world for me to live in. But you also write, you learn from the experience, pass that knowledge on….boom, the world has more able men :-) .
            (I should get karma points for this at least in my own mind also ;-))

          • Honey, even if you mean well – I do not think you are qualified to give advice to men. An experienced seducer must understand it’s subject perfectly, while the subject is limited by it’s ability, necessity and willingness to self-reflect. And there aren’t many intuitive reasons for attractive girls to self-reflect.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Lol, that was a backhanded compliment – any practical person can see the limitations of the woman in your story, women can give female perspective, but common sense is enough. And trust me as a woman who is continuously propositioned in the most inopportune moments, when it comes to sex, men lack common sense.

          • Your definition of common sense resembles mind reading. My path to enlightenment is not to make things perfectly convenient for women, but to stop caring if it is convenient for them. My burden to proposition, her burden to refuse. It is really easy.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            It’s not about convenience, it’s about steering a subject toward a clear path. If you try to entice a woman into an obvious booby trap she’ll just cock an eye brow at you and walk away. However, I like the mental image that your path to enlightenment presents, I’d watch that documentary – it would be dark humor and hot sex – at least the version I imagined.

          • See, that’s the problem. You see it from the wrong perspective. There can be a zillion reasons why it is inconvenient. If you had done some research, you would know that the success rate from cold approach may lie around 1-10%.

            There will be no documentary, but I’m flattered by your imagination. Would I use humor? Not intentionally, because I wouldn’t want the message to be muddy. But I know that very clear statements can appear humorous in an otherwise muddy world. I always laugh in joy when Zhawq fails to notice attacks on his dignity that are hidden in the stupid subtext.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            No, I wouldn’t know the success rate of a cold approach but I hear men tell me that “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t throw” a lot and that I find kind of charming even if it does signify how generic their effort is. I do appreciate the fact that they weren’t too timid to try, confidence is sexy.
            I’ll have to just imagine the documentary and I can throw as much unintentional humor in as I choose since it’s my imagination :-)
            . Thank you for the reference, I have a long night at the airport ahead of me, it’ll amuse me.

          • Yes, that’s the only reasonable way to look at it.

            Have a good night with your imaginations.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Could I not? ;-) you too.

          • I am giving you permission to.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Oh =-O I hadn’t realized I needed it but thank you so much. Shucks, permission might take the fun out of imagining your documentary…what will I do? ( sorry, I’ll be nice, I just couldn’t resist)

          • You are excusing yourself for that? That all you have?

            You’re welcome.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            I bow down, you’re clearly of superior intellect and manner. I just have – that’s right :-D absolute freedom to enjoy teasing you from so very far away – not much, but I enjoy the little things ;-) in my softly sadistic way.

          • What makes you think you are being sadistic? It’s annoying to me, yes, but imagine the ways I can punish you for it.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Softly sadistic behavior is gentle, enjoyable torture … my favorite brand :-)
            And you can’t punish me, you can’t touch me, see me, you can’t even yell at me…I’m forever away . I would….probably (maybe) not play roughly with you if you were within even two hours from me…I’m too vulnerable living alone but you’re not even close to that so… :-P

          • Naive thing. I can stop replying to you for a while.

            Fare well.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Always :-) you too my frustrated electronic friend

          • Raven

            It’s necessecary to “affirm” whether the action is good or not because obviously if nothing is happening for the person who it is being done to then the activity should stop and be changed to something else.

  • Tom,

    I am not saying this to be patronizing, but get over it dude. I am not a PUA, but I am way better at the game than anyone I personally know, and I still get rejected ALL THE TIME. It happens. All you can do is throw a few lines out there, escalate, and see what happens.

    As a side note, you are bold as fuck. Yeah, it did not work with this chick, but that says absolutely nothing about your approach. It was solid. Another day, another girl, and she would have been breaking all kinds of rules for you. However, it was not the day or the girl, such is life. You are not a failure or pathetic, unless that is the narrative you want to tell yourself.

    I am starting to think everyone is equally delusional. The only difference between us is what story we are telling ourselves. The story we want, or the story we think is the correct one (though never really is).

    I look at myself in the mirror, and a see a bad ass mother fucker staring right back. I see a guy who imprints himself in everyone’s minds. When I walk into a room, people see me do so. When I approach a girl, the only thing I have to worry about is if I am too much for her to handle. I am such an effective predator that the skittish ones bolt. They prefer softer men, at least that is what I tell myself. Guess what? That may all be an illusion, but hey, I am happy. I have girls, friends, and people tell me I am a cool guy sometimes. Is that always the case? No. But do those naysayers matter? No. So what does matter? Nothing really, aside from a person’s own enjoyment of their life.

    There is a fine line between lying to myself, and seeing things for how I want to see them. It may be a line I cross regularly without noticing, and it may catch up to me in the future. Oh well. The future is a long ways off. Now is the only thing I am concerned with.

    So back to you. You are going places, but you are going to bone shit up along the way. Just own it, learn from it, and get on with it.

    One last thing, women are incredibly intuitive. I have noticed this in two ways. The first is gestures of good will, or more simply “being nice.” I am nice as hell to the girls I date. Some from the outside may even view me as beta, but I know better. I am nice simply because I like being nice. That is my intent, to be a nice dude. It is not a means to an end. I generally enjoy being pleasant to the girls I date. They see that intent, along with the fact that I truly do not give a fuck what happens, and that is a recipe for arousal. If I can immediately respond to a text or a message, I do. If I think of a fun date idea for a plate, I take her on it. I am a “nice guy” who has 0 problems with women. Shocking. The other way I notice their ability to pick up on intent is confidence. You cannot fake it until you make it, and that sucks. She probably picked up on your nervousness, by probably I mean indefinitely. It was not your approach, it was your own self-portrayal.

    With that, I am going to leave you with something. I heard this somewhere, and I loved it. “I fuck 100% of the girls that want to fuck me.” Keep that in mind next approach.

    I am sure this is going to turn into a discussion, and I am looking forward to it.

    Andrew

    • Andrew,

      that’s a great comment, thank you. I definitely deserve the kick in the ass you are giving in the first paragraph. Frankly, I always thought of you as a bit of a soft guy without edge. Now I know better. This comment is real. Maybe you should consider being more direct more often. On the other hand, maybe you don’t give a fuck. Which is also cool.

      I agree with most of what you say. About two years ago, I shared your kind of nice approach. Was happier back then. I can relate to the idea that you tell yourself you are too much to handle. You probably mean it in a more positive way than I do, but I mostly feel like I would alienate everybody if I really was myself and always spoke my mind, so I find myself tuning down, which makes me nervous and boring.

      Today, my aim is to be detached and goal-oriented. Which results in a kind of rough confidence.

      A few days ago, I was lying in my bed and wondering why everybody is so obsessed with being happy. A state of anger feels very natural to me. I like pain, too. What’s the point about happiness? It’s just a flavor. Then I had another idea, though. Not to choose to pursue happiness, but to use emotions as a tool. Using whatever emotion brings the best results. If happiness does, I choose it. It’s the smart thing to do. It may depend on the life situation. When I fight, I feel like I perform better when I am in an aggressive fight or flight state, maybe haven’t eaten all day. Lowers empathy and increases focus on defending myself and hurting the other person. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem to work too well in long-term stress situations like routine work.

      What is your practical approach to increasing confidence? And what exactly do you mean when you say confidence? The conclusion of this article was the acceptance of failure. I don’t think that this is antithetical to your approach.

      “I fuck 100% of the girls that want to fuck me.”

      Nice.

      By the way, what is the kind of woman you pursue? I find myself attracted to a whore as an archetype, as in contrast to the mother. I want zero caring qualities and all of the sexual openness and hotness and her submission. Back when I did a similar kind of “nice guy” thing, that kind of girls wasn’t particularly interesting for me. I do want to explore the more dirty side of humanity and my own character now.

      Best,
      Tom

      • “Maybe you don’t give a fuck” =P Definitely no maybe there, 0 fucks given at all times.

        I only have an edge when an edge needs to be had. This seemed like one of those time.

        “You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.” Bruce Lee.

        That is me. I did not realize I was like this until a friend pointed it out. But I generally do as what befits the situation. I could be many things aside from water, but being water is fun, and particularly easy. I could be direct more often, but I have been that way in the past, and it did not work out very well. I too alienated a lot of people. I acted this way because it was how I “thought” I was. Turns out I am whoever I want to be, whenever, wherever, like water. Some people view it as wishy washy, or weak. Maybe, but I can be everywhere and anything. I will get into places other people cannot get into. I can erode a person’s fortitude by just the trickle of my presence. Someone can come crashing through trying to disrupt my being, but I can just recollect and move as if nothing happened. And now I am getting a bit abstract. Back to reality.

        The reason I find it easy to do this is I do not have to struggle to keep my narrative up. I change every day, and instead of fighting to hold onto a shape or ideal, I change into what feels natural.

        “I mostly feel like I would alienate everybody if I really was myself and always spoke my mind, so I find myself tuning down, which makes me nervous and boring.”

        If that is how you think and feel, that is the response you will get. It is mind blowing how much our personal narratives affect the responses of those around us. Try thinking about that differently. You use words like “would” and “was.” As if you are making assumptions about how things “would” be if you “were” to say what you wanted to say, but has this happened? If it did, how do you know that is always what “will” happen? Also, why does tuning yourself down have to make you nervous and boring? Why does that effect have to follow the cause? How could you tune yourself down, and still be you? Who are you exactly?

        As far as the confidence thing is concerned, the trick is use who you are today as the baseline, and be better than that tomorrow. Self-improvement is the only measure for confidence. It is also about accepting and liking who are this instant. You cannot be anything other than what you are right now. There is no possible way to produce some instantaneous change. Why not be confident and comfortable with what is right now since it cannot be any other way?

        I think your fuel for improvement does come from that fear of not being good enough, and it works. But it does not have to be that way. You can simply make a choice to be, because it something you choose to do because you like doing it. No need all the other motivators, unless you think you do need them. But again, that is just what you are telling yourself.

        I pursue women who are confident, comfortable, fun, healthy, and feminine. My range is pretty broad. As far as the sexual willingness, you can become a man who brings that out in any girl. That is a recent development for me. You just have to keep trucking along, getting buffer, getting more sexual experience, trying new things with different girls, and really selling yourself the idea that you are a sexual beast. Then you can get the best of both worlds.

        It is hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes. But you seem to be on the right track. Just keep plugging along, and you will get somewhere.

        Andrew

        • As if you are making assumptions about how things “would” be if you “were” to say what you wanted to say, but has this happened?

          It did. It does. Lost a contract job because I had the idea that there is no reason to greet people. But apparently these experiments are more important to me than relationships with people.

          If it did, how do you know that is always what “will” happen?

          I don’t. Sometimes it works out well. It’s worth pondering, I think. Don’t really feel like being a pessimist, but not like an optimist either. My solution is boring realism: Do it often enough and it will work eventually. I just don’t follow through with it.

          Also, why does tuning yourself down have to make you nervous and boring?

          Because I then turn on a censoring machine in my head and get stressed. Something about me is very binary. I either want to go full in (like in this story) or leave it completely be. What’s the logical reason not to censor yourself all the time when you do it once? Will you only speak the truth when it seems convenient? When you are around like-minded people? One way to make a distinction is “Will this information contribute to the situation?” Ideas?

          How could you tune yourself down, and still be you? Who are you exactly?

          That is a very good question. I think I have always been very watery myself, but I feel like being more consistent now.
          Who am I? I will write an article about identity. I think that people search for the answer to this question in all the wrong places. In being special, worthy, whatever.
          In programming, identity is the way you distinguish one entity from others. It usually is a continuous number. Now, when you think about it, how can you distinguish yourself from others? Isn’t it easy? You are in this body.
          End of story. I distinguish myself through being me. My assigned body and it’s happiness is my mission. Selfishness, so to speak.
          Selfishness is the cure for individualism and the need to be different.

          As far as the confidence thing is concerned, the trick is use who you are today as the baseline, and be better than that tomorrow. Self-improvement is the only measure for confidence.

          Interesting. For me, confidence is the trust in my mind. The trust in my own ability to judge without relying on others. But actually having success is, of course, a good proof for the subconscious that it can trust the rational mind.

          It is also about accepting and liking who are this instant. You cannot be anything other than what you are right now. There is no possible way to produce some instantaneous change. Why not be confident and comfortable with what is right now since it cannot be any other way?

          I indicated it. I am not obsessed with “liking” or “loving” who I am. Maybe you use different words than me, but for me, it’s simply about not obsessing. E.g. I have grown a bit fat and I am disgusted by it. I would be lying to myself if I said that I love it, but I likewise do not beat myself up over it. It is what it is. Maybe I could trick my mind into thinking otherwise, but I value my rationality above everything else and I always want to base my self-esteem on reality. Ironically, this is in stark contrast to my past. I always had a tendency to fantasize too much and confuse that with reality. Reality then used to surprise me.

          • I am picking up what you are putting down. I did misunderstand the do not obsess versus liking/loving.

            Staying in shape is a given for me, and also a major contributor to my overall livelihood. I think it is a combination of the clean eating, the blood flow first thing, and the way I look to the opposite sex. I get up at 5, cook my food, stretch, workout, and go to work without fail. I do not eat anything outside of my normal regiment. I used to be chunky as well, and that shit is never going to happen again. Everything in my life takes a back seat to staying in shape. Maybe that is what you are missing.

          • I am much more in shape already since i started training muay thai and getting to the point of starting to eat more healthy again. This will be great.

            I am picking up what you are putting down.

            What’s that?

          • It is slang for I understand what you are saying.

  • Raven

    Except that your entire alleged assessment of the day is completely wrong and nowhere remotely close to what actually happened. First, you harassed a girl for absolutely no reason, merely because you are horny, even though you have two hands. You first make a minor joke, which is fine as long as there is no asexual intent to it. But, in your case, there was, so that was really really wrong and terrible, but isn’t the point of my comment so let’s move on. Next, you randomly ask her a question which includes the word “fuck”, even though you believe she has ALREADY “deflected” any possibility of having sex. Even though she has already specifically done this in your opinion, you say this to her. She replies “No, AND IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.”. She specifically and directly tells you that she is NOT a slut or a whore, and therefore isn’t going to have sex with anyone. Even though she has already told you this extremely actually, obviously, and directly, and the only factually-correct reaction would be to think, “Oh, she doesn’t want to have then then” and go on about your day or at the very least go harass a different woman, you continue to harass her anyway. You say “Why?”, even though she has already told you why, by saying “It’s never going to happen,” i.e. she either isn’t interested (in mis-using work) or isn’t a slut. She replies very angrily over the fact that you are somehow STILL harassing her even though it is extremely obvious that she will not ever “fuck” anybody (or at least not anybody she meets at her job), by saying the angry phrase, “What do you think I am?”. You react to this by thinking “That sounds promising”, which makes no sense. How does the most angry phrase, used by normie-women and some other types of women to get rid of people, will “sound promising”, and even if it could, it obviously wouldn’t in this case since she has already specifically said “No” TWICE before that, when she said BOTH “No,” and “It’s never going to happen,” as well as your perception of her also saying No a third time when your perception says that she “deflected”. You then even physically TOUCH her, without any permission whatsoever and with specific anti-permission. She replied by saying No to you two ADDITIONAL times, for a grand total of FIVE AND A HALF!!!! Every single one of which (except for the half) was obvious and direct. You say in response to these FIVE No’s including an angry phrase and two “professional” phrases and one “cold” phrase, that you “still have a chance”. HOW DO YOU “HAVE A CHANCE” WHEN SHE HAS ALREADY SAID NO? And even worse then that, how do you “have a chance” when she has ALREADY SAID NO FIVE TIMES, INCLUDING ANGER AND COLDNESS?!!?!. As a result of her two further No’s including “professional” and “cold”, you consider sexually assaulting her, in alleged non-angry way. No, smiling is not remotely “good” since your goal was to “fuck” her and she HAS ALREADY SAID NO MORE THEN FIVE TIMES. While you may be or consider yourself “pathetic” as a result of this encounter, it is not because you “failed” or “were rejected”. You were not “rejected” first of all – You were speaking to a decent human being who does not have sex with strangers at work, like most people are. You “failed” because of the fact that you asked a nurse at a doctor’s office to have sex with you, which will obviously result in the so-called “failure” because you are asking a woman who is not a slut, a whore, or your girlfriend to have sex with you, let alone doing so to an employee while in a doctor’s office. It is true that you could have done a LOT better. You could have asked her, NICELY, to have sex with you, listened to her reply of “No”, and then moved on with your day instead of harassing her and thinking about assaulting her not only as a mental fantasy. Then, you would have done better. There is absolutely no possibility whatsoever that you could have had sex with her, however, because she is an employee in a doctor’s office who is not your girlfriend and is not at a sex club-style bar.

    • I only read the first few sentences of your pamphlet. As already stated: Fuck off. You are as delusional and crazy as you accuse others to be.