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02.06.2015

What are values?

I want her and I don’t give a fuck what this means for your relationship. If you can’t take that she flirts with me, grow some balls. It upsets me that she flirts with you because she shouldn’t need that. If you honestly want to be with her, have her; to me, you sounded just like one of the hundreds of guys who want to fuck her. But if you break her heart, I will break your bones. No, I don’t want to be with her; I want to fuck her, I am one of the hundred guys. Okay, so you’re going after a girl whom you know to be in a relationship; apparently, you don’t even have values. I take back my blessings; do not contact me again.

Values and conflicts

So this guy tells me I don’t have values because I want to fuck his girl. Hell, that wasn’t a nice thing of me to say, but at least, it wasn’t a lie. He doesn’t own her, after all. Or does he?

When he told me I had no values, I shrugged and pegged him as an idiot. He obviously didn’t know what he was talking about because I did have values. But he did too.

So how come we didn’t get along too well when we both had values? Because we had different values.

Values and decisions

Values provide us with ideals of conduct. They are rules we decide to obey. Unlike emotions, values do not fluctuate. Values let us make decisions in a somewhat consistent way, thus setting priorities. A man who acts according to his values has integrity. Such a value might be not to desire another man’s woman.

Values are meant to guide one’s decisions in a way that will reap a certain outcome. To not desire another man’s woman, for example, would be meant to strengthen male bonds.

On the most basic level, I personally am a proponent of radical selfishness. I value self-respect; read a few rules I have assembled. A friend once noticed my attraction to one of his female acquaintances. He said: Hey bro, if you want her, I won’t touch her.

I agree that male friendship is more important than an affair or relationship with a woman. I probably would be willing to forgo such a pleasure to keep up a friendship. Yet I would consider it an insult to a man’s self-respect to make such an announcement. And when my friend said it, I felt insulted. Not only did it make me dependent on him not acting on his own desire, but also put me under pressure to succeed despite my inexperience. It also implied that I wasn’t able to succeed if he didn’t let me. It was arrogant and condescending and a burden on the friendship. Friends must be on par and for that, they must be willing to beat each other.

From that follows the decision to never forgo a victory in order to boost someones self-esteem. To let another man feel like a failure. And the wish to not have anybody treat oneself differently. For self-esteem has to be earned, not given.

The success of the fittest, proposed by an unfit as an expression of self-respect. That is a value of mine.

Values and society

Values are beliefs that direct our decisions. People with similar values become friends because their shared values form a base for trust.

Thus, people with shared values eventually build a social circle. Within this social circle, the values become morals. If somebody acts in discord to the established morals, he is expelled. This is only an extension of the first paragraph: Different social circles may be in conflict due to differing values. One may support capitalism, the other may support socialism.

It is difficult to choose values, especially when you don’t have a father. My own father, once I met him, convinced me of capitalism and the virtue of selfishness (there is a book by the same name).

The compromise of accepting values

When you grow up in a world that revolves around you, you expect a world view that will make you perfectly happy. You expect your ideas to be perfect. You expect to be a perfect human being. In fact, you expect everything to be perfect.

Yet perfection most often doesn’t exist. It’s wishful thinking. Opponents of capitalism will remind you of all the poor people in America. Yet their own world substitutes poverty with guiltoverarching empathy and weak boundaries.

The value of values

So the next time you see a beggar on the street, are accused of being a sexist, have to decide between your own good and another’s, how will you decide?

I won’t discuss the correctness of my own values at this place. I merely want to bring to attention the worth of values. If you care to be an altruist, please be. Accept that I will be your enemy. If you have stable values, you will not care. Or maybe you will, because your values dictate that everybody be your friend.

Acquiring and modifying values is a task for your whole life. Usually, you will have values you are unaware of, adopted from your environment and experience. If I were to give you advice, it would be to read books of all directions. Read factual books and biographies, not magazine articles. Values are not emotions, not confidence and not self-esteem. Values are nothing magical, and nothing you can feel. You can feel them as little as you can feel that 1+1 is 2.

As I said above, values are meant to lead to a certain goal or way of life. Values can lead you into success or demise, because values are the standards by which you decide, by which you e-value-ate situations. That’s why you need to choose your values wisely.

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