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What is self-respect and how does it help your game?

What is self-respect and why is it important?

Self-respect is a social word means dignity. With dignity, you can look another man in the eye. Self-respect is to not let another man carry your weight. Likewise, a man who respects you acknowledges that you do not expect him to do so.

Why does it mean that and why is it important?

Every word we use has a purpose. While you can argue that any person deserves respect, this isn’t true, because the word respect is used to describe a certain quality that not everybody possesses. In that sense, it discriminates between those who have it and those who don’t. If the word didn’t discriminate, it would not need to exist, after all.

So why does carrying one’s own weight qualify for an own word? Why is it a statement of quality? Is the ability to show weakness not a strength?

How do you feel when a beggar demands you to help him? You feel guilty and like shit, right. But you have done nothing wrong, you carry not the fault for his affliction. Yet he puts you in the position to decide about his well-being and to help him is to take away from yourself. This creates a conflict in you and makes you feel unwell.

The same is true for a person who will repeatedly tell you of his unfulfilled needs and troubles, yet discard your best advice. He may be your friend and you feel obliged to help, yet you can’t, because he won’t let you. It makes you suffer to see him suffer and you cannot escape. Such a person is asking for your attention, yet gives nothing in return.

Both of these people feel like shit themselves. They are making you their unwanted master and denigrate themselves to slaves. It’s not merely their weakness that puts you off; it’s their expectation to take care of them.

A strong man, on the other hand

A strong person will never bring us into such a situation. But even a weak person may have the strength to not ask anything of us, be it in a direct or subtle way. Talk to a beggar, give him nothing and leave. Does he carry a look of stark disappointment on his face? If he has a strong character, he does not. He will simply have enjoyed your company.

One can enjoy the company of a person who does not expect any gifts. One can enjoy the offer of a salesman who earnestly wishes you a good day after you reject him. Being around this kind of people expands your soul and makes you feel good for following your own desires. Without guilt. Being around them carries no obligations. Also, if you know that somebody doesn’t need you, you feel valued for who you are, not for something the other person needs of you.

And for this, you value them. This appreciation is called respect.

And the counterpart of respect is self-respect. It is a man’s knowledge that he is a burden to no one and thus can be on par with anyone. As long as it isn’t a matter of life and death, a self-respecting man will not allow himself to be a burden even to those who have something he desperately craves. Talk about game and outcome-dependance.

Once you spend enough time around self-respecting men, you will start to despise beggars. Not for their weakness. But for the way they make you feel by dragging you down.

Application in game

As you can see, self-respect is the refusal to make others feel guilty for your needs. Respect is what they have for you if you make them feel at ease even if they do not adhere to your wishes. See now the difference between neediness and desire?

Many hear the word neediness and think that the solution lies in getting rid of ones need. So, in order to not be needy towards a girl, you need ten other girls to make her relatively unimportant. This makes it easier for you not to be a leech, yes, but wealth is not a premise for self-respect.

“What is this obsession with wanting to own somebody?”
– “I would only want to own you if you wanted to be owned by me.”

A girl doesn’t despise you for desiring her or for not being a big-time player. She despises you because you make her feel bad for even considering to reject you. If you aren’t a self-respecting man, you are putting pressure on her through guilt. How could she possibly enjoy the moment? How could you if were she to do the same to you?

Thus, demonstrating your desire is good. Demonstrating your need is not. Desire: I will feel awesome if I fuck you. Need: I will feel horrible if I don’t.

Other angles

  • How can we demand that the beggar makes us not feel bad? We can’t. It would defeat self-respect, even if we could. But the beggar likewise cannot demand respect. Women cannot demand respect for being women. They cannot demand it for their sufferings. They can only command it through self-respect.
  • Beware of people with helper syndrome and politicians. They have no self-respect for they make you feel guilty for not wanting their help and not helping others.
  • But why would one not help somebody in need? Charity is big business. I am fine with everybody who makes a free choice to donate, even if I don’t. And I accept people who try to get me to participate through guilt. I simply do not respect them. Because respect is a reward for a quality. And not everybody has it.


“Of course I need you. I go insane when I see you. You can do almost anything you wish with me. Is that what you want to hear? Almost, Dominique. And the things you couldn’t make me do–you could put me through hell if you demanded them and I had to refuse you, as I would. Through utter hell, Dominique. Does that please you? Why do you want to know whether you own me? It’s so simple. Of course you do. All of me that can be owned. You’ll never demand anything else. But you want to know whether you could make me suffer. You could. What of it?” The words did not sound like surrender, because they were not torn out of him, but admitted simply and willingly. She felt no thrill of conquest; she felt herself owned more than ever, by a man who could say these things, know of them to be true, and still remain controlled and controlling–as she wanted him to remain.

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

That’s a tad dramatic, but it expresses very well the sentiment of self-respect. You can’t turn off your emotions, but you can disobey them.

Self-respect: I won’t be your slave, even if you have something I desperately need. Even if I cannot have it.

When I understood self-respect the first time, something changed in my brain. I almost wasn’t able to be needy anymore, however much I suffered.

How about you?

For further study, check the 44 rules of a self-respecting man.

So long.

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  • Mikey Mike

    Thanks. A good piece. I think your thinking is good. Lots of those small eureka moments.

    I had quite a few myself the other day. I was doing a so called high-iq test. They are not like the mensa test, where the deal is to shoot down relatively easy solutions with a german automatic weapon, before times runs out and one is “killed”. They are non-timed. Some sweet, little puzzles. The solution is just straight up in one’s face, when one in a glimpse of clarity, manage to see the forest for the trees. A little eureka, after some struggling. Reminds me of your writings :)

    In case you need a mental break. This guy has plenty of good free excersises. I shall start sending some of his others to his mail box. He pays for correcting them, and those money will in my opinion be considered as “well begged”. As in contrast to the coffee cup beggars: