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06.04.2015

Shy girls are not a safe bet – Part 1: Romeo & Juliet

Learn game? What do these people know. I’d rather be myself. I don’t need to be a man for I am sensitive. And I will find a sensitive girl who likes me. One who will appreciate me for my gentleness and intellect. These fuckers are wrong, because I have seen it happen and … oh, right.

I never was in a relationship and I never had – as much as I wish I had – a father to teach me these things, but a great thing about life is that you can learn from other people’s mistakes.

Two years ago I had been unshakably convinced of the necessity to be a man to a woman, and to be a to be a self-respecting man at all times. That one should strive to be able to satisfy a confident woman. Then I forgot why.

Now I remember and I want to share with you two stories I witnessed, the first of which I will narrate today. I swear by my sanity that they are true.

Romeo & Juliet

Romeo and Juliet were two students of mine. He was a guy, she was a girl. Can I make it anymore obvious? At the time I met them, they had been together for some years. He had been some 16 years old when she threw herself on him. To her, he was a savior from a dark past. To him, she was something beautiful to have. Yeah, that’s not Shakespeare, fuck you.

They were this nice pair and something I would have readily called equal. We became friends and when I visited, we would circle-hug. Now, Romeo was a very warm-hearted guy; forthcoming, romantic, friendly. He seemed confident about it and I was envious, for I was confident about nothing. In fact, I felt guilty for not being able to accept his niceness. Juliet was friendly, but I will call her somewhat troubled; she never had that almost selfless positive aura that Romeo had. She sometimes joked about how similar Romeo and I were in many aspects. It sounded motherly and I accepted it; for in a way, I also wished me a girl who would be strong and take care of me like my mother never had been able to.

These two were indeed best friends and lovers at the same time. It was a proof to me that my ideal was attainable – or, if you care to be direct, that reward was to be had without effort. Both carried their share even after years of living together; Romeo had never lived alone. Sometimes he would dress up as a woman and would jokingly say that he looked cuter than her. He was certain that Juliet was envious.

Over the course of two years, while I did my part in guiding them through their studies, the two became noticeably obese and things started to fall apart. They had some arguments. To me, the arguments seemed normal. I didn’t grasp the significance of that for some time.

He would still be this somewhat innocent, nice and confident guy; it was partly weird to see it fail simply because he seemed so self-assured that he was doing it right. When he talked to me, he would warmly smile and say that she just had a tough time appreciating what they had at the moment. Juliet herself became cold, frustrated and annoyed. When I talked to Romeo, he would know that this was something about her past that she wasn’t able to handle. I wanted to agree. And I guess it is a part of the truth – but in the end, it was not the core of the truth.

Juliet told me of her desire to be had by a man who would make her feel like a woman. A man who would take charge. She felt annoyed by Romeo dressing up like a woman and behaving, if you will, in an attempt to be on a par with her.

A new perspective

I left the country to visit my father in the United States and came back with newfound confidence and values.

When I saw them again, it struck me. The facade started to crumble. While she was simply being annoyed and slowly drifted away from him to an old love interest of hers, he was in no way accepting of it. Romeo, still in touch with his compassion and heart for her, did do efforts to convince her. Remember, he was not asking for pity – he was convinced that Juliet was making the wrong decision and acted in accordance to what he considered to be her best interest. And to his frustration, he would fail to make her see this.

In this frustration, he would give her the fault for the failing relationship. He would feel righteous and get seriously butthurt. She would do the same to him. Remember what I said about their arguments seeming so familiar to me? This is the exact kind of dynamic I used to have with my mother. Ever saw a child deny the mother it’s attention after being denied a wish?

I knew next to nothing about game, but I kept wondering what made him invest all this effort when she treated him like dirt. This curiosity had nothing to do with calculation. It didn’t baffle me because he would lose her this way; it baffled me because he wasn’t willing to let her make her own choice, even at the cost of losing her. Where was his self-respect?

In retrospect, she never had looked up to him or respected him the way a girl looks up to her strong man. He was more of a child into whom she had been able to project her own insecurities and take loving care of. She had accepted him. Until she failed to.

The end

Romeo did last efforts to convince Juliet.

When everything else had failed, he sent her a long message reminding her of the great times they had had. He stressed his wish for the relationship not to end in a bad way.

It already had.

Juliet later told me that she had been disgusted by it. How could he dare to impose on her the pretense of a beautiful past after the way he had treated her in the end.

In the face of disaster

When he wrote her that last letter, Romeo once more failed to understand the mechanisms that protected his own confidence. This guy seemed so concerned about her happiness; almost an alruist, if you will. I loved him and other people did too; he is someone you call a good person. Yet he did make her feel guilty for not staying and struggled against letting the failure get too close to him. In a way, his warmth and niceness was his only weapon; and one he wielded very well. In the end, the break-up ended up tormenting him for months. I know this helplessness of struggle and I feel compassion today.

So that’s when I learned that you only recognize a man’s character in the face of disaster. Only when a man is about to lose something will you see if he has much self-respect. But doesn’t a man go after what he wants? Yes. Interesting conflict, isn’t it?

Stay tuned for part 2 and the second story.

0 votes
  • Mikke Musen

    She was/is an inv. narc. passively aggressive style. They are creepy and sneaky. Some can be the hardest and most self-justifying types one come across. If they hid the aggression (contempt) they can be pretty hard to detect.

    He was a white knight. Low-self esteem + Deluded. Deluded into the idea that everything turns out well for nice guys. And that “true/real love” exists. Well, it does exist. And it is quite easy to find. One just has to lower one’s expectations, and it will be found everywhere.

    I’ve been with a couple of inv.narcs, as mistresses. Just fuck them well, and they will be banging on your door. Annoyingly much so, because their feelings is all that matters to them. Doesn’t really help to ask them gently to stop. One has to really hurt them on a deep emotional level about how damaged and false their personality is. Some will leave, normally after having caught another object, some may seek revenge. So it is a bit spookie.
    I prefer to just be boring around them. Tell them that I suddenly have started to get erection problems. They will start sucking your cock, to prove themselves. Just think about something else, so that the cock doesn’t grow :). Talk a lot about myself and my “problems” (Remember, they don’t wanna hear about you. They want you to hear and care about them). Keep on until they call it a day, find a new guy. It is just easier that way

    I see two reasons for keeping a blog. Very different ones.
    First is to verify yourself (so that you don’t need to improve or work, because your already perfect)
    Second is to figure out yourself or search for facts/truth.

    I am assuming your motive is the latter :)

    (A good third one, is to just earn some extra money. I forgot about that one)

    • Seems like an accurate assertion, thank you.

      Yours is indeed a very witty method to get rid of them. Guess I’d have real trouble doing that due to my own pride. But it is definitely a smart strategy, bravo.

      It’s funny to consider that it can be as hard to get rid of a girl as it can be to get her attracted – or harder. Reminds me of a girl that kept trying to “crack” me as I was working at an exhibition. Ignored her, didn’t greet her, didn’t smile at her. She would get all butthurt and loudly cry out about how impolite I was. Half an hour after, she’d be back. Felt like she was going back to the other people who were super nice to her to “recharge” her little-stupid-batteries, then coming back to shoot me down. Like a robot driving me up the wall-e.

      Great analysis of my possible motives. I started out with the third, determined to be very honest and hurt myself. Then I realized that writing about stuff actually makes you think more straight and notice a lot of otherwise unperceived inconsistencies in your thoughts. Then Amazon killed the Associates contract because I have some dirty pics on the site. So it’s only 2 for now, until I find another way.

  • LittleBBIGWorld

    Romeo had become complacent, he felt secure enough in his relationship to stop trying, stop striving, to be the best man he could be for Juliette. He put on weight because he didn’t feel he needed to be fit for her, she put on weight because she felt he had no appreciation of her efforts and so it didn’t matter…the real difference is that she recognized that living stasis as death, he would have kept on course.

    Also, women’s labidos become stronger, increasing a woman’s need for a strong sexual partner until she reaches 40 yrs old. A man peaks at 18….serious design flaw in human sexuality .

    • Girl, I have an inkling that you are used to being made the main actor in many people’s lives.

      That libido thing sounds like a myth.

      • LittleBBIGWorld

        I actually avoid being more than a bit part in other people’s lives – being a main actor is far too much responsibility. I was just bored and the title caught my eye.
        The libido thing is absolutely not a myth, it’s a biochemical fact….men compensate by gaining skill I suppose.