This was originally meant to become an article about why a narcissist finds it hard to enjoy the company of confident men or, as he would call them, assholes. I grew up without a father, with a mother who would give me anything I wanted, and more. I score very high on covert narcissism tests and I exhibited a lot of SJW traits a few years ago, so I can tell you from experience rather than from observation, what makes someone like that tick.
The Basics – manipulation within the family
The narcissist doesn’t feel good around confident people because the ways his subconscious has been conditioned to achieve comfort, stress-relief and success don’t work. He has been – or rather, to function – around people who can read his signals of needing attention. And confident people cannot or won’t do that. Frustrating. It can be liberating, though.
I don’t know when I started not to want to My mother would ask me if I want it and would give it to me, even if she wanted it for herself – .. I don’t know when I started to hate it. Maybe I simply failed to do it too often. When I was a small child, I would look at something long enough and act like I lose myself in it.
Now when I would see somebody eat some food without wanting to have it for myself, I would not dare to look at the food even out of curiosity. That’s because I would expect the personimmediately. And when my mother did this, she would even take it away from herself forgoing her own satisfaction; how weird to consider as a normal person, isn’t it? So some sense of compassion in me didn’t want to hurt the other person, so I wouldn’t look at their food. Because subconsciously I was convinced that they would offer it to me and be pissed about it.
At some point in life I learned that people could actually have! Can you imagine my happiness and relief? Finally I could look at people and at things without it having consequences! Finally I didn’t have to take care of every single one of my fucking facial expressions. Oh my mother-fucking god!
It is one of the perils of having someone read your every wish from your lips: You begin to control your lips very consciously. In a way, the other person doesn’t even exist. The other person is your puppet. It is somewhat disgusting and a reason why I despise my mother.
But if you respect or like someone, you don’t want them to be your puppet, do you?
Another aspect of it is the fear that the other person may actually spot your intention and see the manipulator in you. Even if that is not your intention. If I perceived someone as stronger than me, I would be afraid that my attempt of manipulation – real or not – would fail and be discovered.
So I would not dare pain and impossibility to withstand it that it would have caused my mother. I would know that if I caused this pain to somebody who didn’t like it, he would have to beat me. Why would I so bluntly go after what I want, if the other person will possibly even harm themselves through a simple facial expression of mine?or for I would know the
In case of a ever-serving mother like mine, one may also learn not to show emotions for one does not want to be bothered. Imagine that you constantly live around an authority person who will interpret any facial expression you make in order to serve you. You will be sitting on a chair, trying to relax, your face muscles relaxed. “Oh, are you sad?” Fucking god! “No, I’m good.” – “You sure?” – “Yeah, I’m sure.” – “You look worried.” – “I’m not.” – “Is there anything I can do for you?” – “No!” Graah! Imagine this all day long. It is immensely irritating. And if I think about it, it is part of the reason why I am tense around people; there is a feeling of apprehension, of being watched, of imminent approach by somebody who doesn’t like or understand my body language. It is a kind of absolute self-consciousness. You may think that it’s great to be able to get anything you want by getting the wish read from your lips. Absolute power. And you are right to think that; the above dialogue might have actually been a ploy by me to get what I want. But it may not. See the difficulty of such a dream? You can not decide to not communicate. Even you being quiet will be as something.
Absolute power comes with absolute slavery, too, because to manipulate, you have to override your natural behavior. Thus you become quite focused on your behavior, on the self-image that you project, and find it hard. And for a child to do this basically from the moment it is able to somewhat calculate is quite damaging.
Know that all of this is not conscious! It’s not calculated evil intent that has any kind of rational finesse. The narcissist is not a psychopath who plays games; it is hard-wired instead, even if it may be similar on the surface. A psychopath is cold and unshakable; a narcissist is a cardhouse who actually acts like an ass because he needs to get his pain out. It’s hard for a narcissist to acknowledge these traits. He will probably only do so if he is forced to, without retreat. Or if it appeals to his vanity.
The other side of the coin
I myself am manipulatable in the same way, as it is a two-sided sword. I am not sure why; probably I just learned and copied my mothers behavior in a way.. The point is: If somebody would ask me to do something and I would be hungry for their attention, I wouldn’t be able to resist. Such a weakness makes you !
And since you are so manipulatable yourself, with a hundred million anchors in your soul, you start to hate anything that manipulates you. Everything that speaks to your bodies desires. Which is basically everything beautiful. Sexy women, tasty food, advertisement, strong people. Because my instinct, if I saw something I liked, was to . And I hated the feeling.
But of course I wanted these things. I really only hated that I had no control over getting them. Even more that they had control over me. Coming from a background where I would only have to look at something I wanted to get it, I was horribly disappointed, to say the least. Consider the investment of work into repressing your emotions to manipulate! All for nothing. Repeat: I desired them, but I hated my desire for them.
With this knowledge, you can probably understand why some women may say No to sex even if they want it. And cry rape if you kick them out afterwards. And you will say: Yeah, her lips said No, but her body said Yes. And that is kinda theI face. Of course, other healthy girls might do it playfully.
And you will say that everybody is responsible for their choices. You are right! But the narcissist isn’t aware of this or at least cannot make use of such a concept. They are fighting their emotions. They are trying to make their emotions serve a self-image instead of making their mind serve their emotions. And, obviously, you can only fail if you fight your emotions in the long run. Even more so if you don’t have .
Now you may understand Social Justice Warriors. And White Knights. Why some people are offended through your words. That’s exactly what they do, don’t they? They give you destroy anything you may desire as long as you don’t have it. Because the tortures you, with no way out.for their choices. Them being fat is the fault of McDonalds. I’m not arguing that a population of conscious people might not completely reject McDonalds. I’m saying that these people have no plausible concept of self-regulation, thus they are to their whims. Being so delivered to your whims makes you feel fucking and . It makes you want to
Yeah, they are offended by you existing and being better than them.. You may see them as evil and want to get away from them. In fact, you may want to fight them, since the only chance a narcissist has to give up his false image is if it doesn’t serve him anymore. In a world where a narcissist cannot manipulate, he must ditch the strategy for a more effective one, even if he may feel his heart break and want to die before that happens. When you fight a narcissist, do not show compassion for he will see it as weakness; but even if you don’t show it, have it. It is a dark place to be at and despite the saying that there is no self underneath, it is not true; it is merely not being lived.
Unlike Sam Vaknin, I believe that a great deal of that can be solved through a Therapy may help, I have no experience yet. I personally had good insights from reading Atlas Shrugged from Ayn Rand, although her work may be interpreted in a, say, unlucky way. I recommend reading material from Nathaniel Brandon, too, f.e. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.if it is adopted.
That was me, a child who needed a family and got a fucking slave instead. Thanks.