A place for a

27.03.2015

Meaning of fantasies of rape, sleeping girls and necrophilia

For the most part of my life I have been strongly turned on by fantasies of rape, of fucking a girl who either sleeps or is apathetic and, less often, necrophilia. The more I would masturbate and build up tolerance, the more violent the fantasies would become. These fantasies also contain elements of humiliation in the form of forcing girls I know from real life, especially confident girls, to do disgusting things, e.g. zoophilia and eating each other’s shit. It’s not that I don’t find it disgusting, painful and even shameful – it is that these feelings are strongly linked to my sense of arousal. But even though I have these fantasies, the concept of BDSM used to leave me cold – because it was consensual.

In contrast to this, my fantasies of consensual sex used to be flowery scenes where I would do everything to please the girl and gently show her my love. Boring.

Am I really writing this? Can this really be the truth? Well, is it the truth? It is.

What does it mean?

The rape fantasy

Emotions are what they are. Human history is full of warfare, conquer and rape.

The desire is there. Yet a desire is not per se a justification for acting upon it. Morals restrict our behavior to uphold a structure, but only do so within a tribe if you will. Morals that would allow anyone to rape at will would lead to the demise of a tribe. Self-restraint is a virtue. But morals do not restrict behavior towards outsiders, which they deem as evil.

I’ll be clear about it: If I had the opportunity to rape an attractive female who is deemed an outcast by my tribe, I would. Because nobody would judge me and it would not in any way endanger my place in the community. Understand what nobody means? You wouldn’t judge me.

Rape is also a plausible strategy after the defeat of an enemy tribe.

Man, being, by his nature, independent, even in Slavery, preserves a force which Fear scarcely can contain […] The Conversion of such a man is always a Miracle; while that of Women, on the contrary, is the most natural and simple thing possible. They are always of their Lover’s Religion.

– cited from this paper about slave trade in the early modern Crimea.

So it makes sense to have this urge and for a woman to be potentially adaptive to it, despite the severe discomfort, see Stockholm syndrome. It makes sense for aggression and sexuality to be linked in the brain.

Of course no girl wants to be wolf packed on the D.C. Metro or beaten up. Yet nearly ever romance novels consider healthy dose of a woman being taken against her will. The key is that she is taken against her will by a high value, dominant man who could satisfy her genetic desire for healthy and fit offspring.

How to Choke a Woman During Sex by Mike Cernovich, Danger & Play

Yet this explanation doesn’t really account for the shame and humiliation part of my fantasy.

Shame

What do rape, fucking a sleeping girl and necrophilia have in common? The detachment from the judgment of the woman. Do you really want her to see you for what you are?

It is natural for a woman to feel revulsion when she is being raped. But a rapist explicitly doesn’t care, he finds a way not to be reliant on the appreciation of his sexuality. Neither do a sleeping or dead girl care in the heat of the moment.

I was and still am ashamed of my sexuality. But it’s a specific part of my sexuality that I am ashamed of: My sexual aggression and selfish desire to have my way.

Shame is the “should not” emotion. It’s a judgment.

The judgment is that I will get rejected for sexual aggression and assertiveness. Therefore the only fantasy that contains consent is one where I am a servant to the girls needs and make her feel nice without making demands. It’s a comforty one, primarily based on the pleasure of feeling a soft skin and my penis inside her vagina and seeing her happy. Impossible vanilla.

So the aggression is still there and needs to be released. But the judgment of my subconscious comes to the conclusion that the only way to live out aggression and have my way is through brute force or ignorance of the woman, because aggression makes consent impossible.

Humiliation

Yet it is humiliating to need to force myself on somebody. It means that I have no value to offer that could justify my needs, but can impossibly suppress the desire. Through repeated masturbation with such a fantasy, the humiliation becomes a firm part of the emotional spectrum of sex which I likewise impose on the object of my desire. Some may say that I project the humiliation into the girl and there’s something true about it, yet in this fantasy I actually feel the humiliation and relish it. Ever heard about murderers who murder because they empathize with the pain of the victim and enjoy it? Next time you are righteously wallowing in regret, think about who you are becoming.

Thus I condition my brain to seek gratification from being rejected by a woman. Indulging in self-pity does the same, by the way. As does watching porn. Subconsciously, this kind of complex emotional visualization will lead me to act in a way that makes women actually reject me, because that’s part of the fantasy. In the end, this only leaves me with the possibility to actually rape a woman, which is not a good option. Think about it: To satisfy my desire without breaking a law, I would need to find a woman who is revulsed by me, yet agrees to sleep with me. That is paradoxical.

It may even be possible if the woman shares the same kind of shame and wants to be taken by somebody she doesn’t desire consciously. That is something I fantasized about for a long time. I am also turned on by the concept of a hate-fuck. These strong and aggressive emotions make for a fantastic cocktail. Cock, tail.

Reality and dominance

The joke is one me, though, because I am slowly learning that the things I am hiding are the things that would actually make women want to sleep with me: Sexual aggression and assertiveness.

As I imply in my article about narcissism and power, it is of no use to devalue cravings of the body. Sexual aggression would be one of them and it is there for a reason. One needs a way to release it in a healthy manner.

Just be who you are is as wise as it is stupid. A nice guy denies his aggression and is brought up to imitate female behavior. When he meets a female he desires, he has to invest immense energies to hide his aggressions instead of channeling them into positive dominant behavior. You can almost see how he is being torn apart by the energy that he has to contain – you call that nervousIronically, when you tell the nice guy that he should be aggressive, he will think he has to pretend to be aggressive on top of his nervousness. Poor guy. No, he would just need to stop pretending to not be. Neediness is a strategy – and a bad one.

Consent

The key takeaway would be: Do not associate consent with absence of aggression. If you try that, you may find out that even the idea of normal sex (one where the girl is not traumatized) is attractive again. Why? Because the hurting physical violence, humiliation and absence of reciprocity are no longer needed to release and access your sexual aggression. Some claps on the butt, dirty talk and dominance are enough, because she understands and submits. Wants to submit.

And, of course, you will be able to tolerate rejection better, because you don’t want a girl who doesn’t want you anyway. You may merely want one who pretends she doesn’t.

Aggression

The more I come to accept my inner aggression and assertiveness, the less I desire to rape women. I want to take them violently, still, but I want them to want it. With time I am starting to see my aggression not as an offense, but as a gift to the woman. It is, at this early phase, a battle inside my head and I have to be on guard against feministic ideas that shame me for this and force me back into my rape fantasies.

But, dear feminists and white knights, think about what kind of men you are creating when you force them to hold back their assertiveness. These men will do nothing overt anymore, but they will become hateful at heart and eventually burst, go on a rampage or become rapists and murderers. Rapists aren’t rapists because they are encouraged in being assertive – they are rapists because they need a release for their aggression. For the same reason, a ban of free speech and extremist groups doesn’t work.

Shamelessly scanning girls’ legs, breasts, hair, mmmh, faces on the street. Looking them in the eye and communicating: I imagine to take you and I don’t give a fuck what you think.

That is a great release for aggression and it hurts nobody. And they like it too, sometimes.

1 vote
  • Wald

    This is an excellent post. It starts as something that I imagine could be mortifying to post – but when I read through to the end and ultimate conclusion – it all comes together and is worth it.

    Your clinical objectiveness regarding your own conditions and flaws is impressive to me.

    This truly is a bare all blog. Perhaps you still hold somethings back – but less than most. I believe sincerely that you will be thoroughly rewarded in time, accepting your flaws and honestly examining and improving upon them, with a confidence few people could ever hope to shake.

    Wald

    • I believe you are right. All that fucking pain kinda makes one invulnerable. Or, at least, not afraid of being hurt further.

      In this article, from today’s perspective, I was rationalizing a bit. Not that there are not valid points in it, but I believe there is a different reason why I have rape fantasies. I consider it possible that I was sexually abused myself, but have no conscious memories about it. It fits together with a lot of other atypical things about my life. Do not feel like writing about that now, but I will eventually publish an article when my thoughts about it are sorted out.

      • Wald

        Agreed – after enough pain you get used to it.

        You might find this funny.

        http://explosm.net/comics/4099/

        And I certainly hope you weren’t. But who knows. Life is stranger than fiction.

        Wald

        • Decently funny comic strip.

          I do not even care. But it would explain a lot, you know. Thing is: If I was not, then a lot of things stop to make sense once more.

          Yeah, life can be strange. You know what would be really strange? If I had not been, but my mother had and had passed the memory on to me. There are studies that suggest that genetic learning exists, e.g. some mice learned a distaste for a certain smell or something like that singularly through being born to a mother who was conditioned not to like it.

          • Wald

            Genetic learning is a fascinating theory.

            Could also explain how political leanings tend to be genetic and apparent through visual appearance.

            Wald

          • Is that so? Possibly.

        • Have you read the comments on that comic strip? They are hilarious.

  • LittleBBIGWorld

    Odd question: a woman who doesn’t want to have sex with you, doesn’t like you, respect you….whatever reason, and still can’t stop her body from violently orgasming…..would she be your ideal experience? I’m seriously curious.

    • That sounds awesome. If I could have that kind of experience once without repercussions, I would take it.

      Are you proposing yourself? Probably not, because you do respect me.

      • LittleBBIGWorld

        Lol, you assume I respect you, and in a lot of ways I do. No, I’m not proposing myself. I just realized why I’m attracted to your writing. I don’t date, I don’t have bfs, if a guy is interesting enough and not disgustingly mannered I’ll associate w him but that’s rare. I see men, when I do, for sex. I don’t care about their mothers, their favorite colors and music, I’m not offering to cook them dinner (dear God, Hell no, they’d never leave), just sex. I need sex, men….they’re part of the package. If a man is decent in bed I might call him again (way more likely to text), but I tell all of them not to call me. Don’t text me, don’t bother me, I’m not that woman. I resent that I have to call/text for sex, that my body drives me to that. I resent that sex can’t come w/o strings and some guy’s hurt feelings. I’m attracted to your writing because you’re one of the (very rare) men I could see more than once or twice.

        • Shall I feel flattered?

          Drop me a message when you pass by Germany, then. Let us fuck. No idea whether I am good, but we can find out.

          Are you insanitybytes?

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            I have no idea how you should feel, I’m just laughing at myself. I’d love to travel to Germany but I work fulltime and breed pugs so I don’t get too far from home these days. I probably would give you a shot, if you looked like you wouldn’t have a heart attack (Jesus, men over 30 need cardio).
            Who is insanitybytes? Should I be jealous? ;-)

          • Well, whatever, woman. I am not too fit, but very horny at times. And I still do not know whether you are pretty, so better not feel too powerful with your … charme.

            A female blogger I happened to drop a few comments today. My suspicion stands. On the other hand, who gives a damn who you are.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Lol good for you, who does give a damn? If you’re not too fit you should work on your cardio at least, you don’t have to be He-Man but sex is better when your body moves and bends well and you can try odd positions w/o passing out from exertion…… and I love a man who can lift me over his shoulders. As for whether I’m pretty…hm…we’ve been communicating long enough for me to feel you’re probably not a psychopath. You have my email, send me a pic of you from a personal email and I’ll reciprocate. If nothing else we’re like-minded, we could be friends.

          • Damn, I would love to lift a girl over my shoulders. But that is just fantasy at this point. Maybe once I get over my laziness and start working out. I love to fight, though. With girls, too. Makes me hard when I hit them during sparring or when we clinch. That is the violent streak in me.

            Just take a look at my facebook. Send me a message or an email to tomarrow at manwithoutfather dot com.
            https://www.facebook.com/davorfilms

            Not interested in female friends, sorry. But feel free to comment if you feel like it.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            That is an impressive amount of facial hair Tom. You have an e-mail from me at manwithoutafather.com, that’s why I said you have my email. I don’t want to post my pic online, I prefer anonymity, I don’t want a weird creepster following. If you don’t have it anymore I’ll find time to message you there I guess, I’m working all day today and tmrw, I get bored.

          • Yeah, I remember you sent something once. Can not be arsed to search for it, though. Just send a new one. And it is manwithoutfather, not manwithoutafather.

            Meanwhile, I will have a little fap on your account. Feel free to do the same.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Thank you so much for giving me permission sweet pea, lol, you definitely make me smile.

          • But it is a one-time permission, so use it wisely.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Lol, shut up, you’re irrestibly tinging my cell and I need to get ready for work.

          • You have a bathroom at work?

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            A beautiful bathroom….must run.

          • Do it there.

          • Micah Geni

            Cute

          • Girl guiltfully taking a few minutes from her working time because she can not resist her desire to finger herself while thinking of me. I like the idea.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            No guilt, not my style. Sometimes one person or idea turns you on for a while. A stranger from far away or silky, black thigh highs, don’t ruin it prematurely, that’s just bad manners.

          • Manners are not my style.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Hopefully that isnt a broad spectrum statement, some places and times call for bad manners. Others ….
            Either way, I’m out. I won’t continue this publicly, that isn’t my style.

          • Alright, take care.

          • LittleBBIGWorld

            Have all of the fun stranger

          • Thanks. You too, strangeness.