For the most part of my life I have been strongly turned on by fantasies of rape, of fucking a girl who either sleeps or is apathetic and, less often, necrophilia. The more I would masturbate and build up tolerance, the more violent the fantasies would become. These fantasies also contain elements of humiliation in the form of forcing girls I know from real life, especially confident girls, to do disgusting things, e.g. zoophilia and eating each other’s shit. It’s not that I don’t find it disgusting, painful and even shameful – it is that these feelings are strongly linked to my sense of arousal. But even though I have these fantasies, the concept of BDSM used to leave me cold – because it was consensual.
In contrast to this, my fantasies of consensual sex used to be flowery scenes where I would do everything to please the girl and gently show her my love. Boring.
Am I really writing this? Can this really be the truth? Well, is it the truth? It is.
What does it mean?
The rape fantasy
Emotions are what they are. Human history is full of warfare, conquer and rape.
The desire is there. Yet a desire is not per se a justification for acting upon it.restrict our behavior to uphold a structure, but only do so within a tribe if you will. Morals that would allow anyone to rape at will would lead to the demise of a tribe. Self-restraint is a virtue. But morals do not restrict behavior towards outsiders, which they deem as evil.
I’ll be clear about it: If I had the opportunity to rape an attractive female who is deemed an outcast by my tribe, I would. Because nobody would judge me and it would not in any way endanger my place in the community. Understand what nobody means? You wouldn’t judge me.
Rape is also a plausible strategy after the defeat of an enemy tribe.
Man, being, by his nature, independent, even in Slavery, preserves a force which Fear scarcely can contain […] The Conversion of such a man is always a Miracle; while that of Women, on the contrary, is the most natural and simple thing possible. They are always of their Lover’s Religion.
– cited from this paper about slave trade in the early modern Crimea.
So it makes sense to have this urge and for a woman to be potentially adaptive to it, despite the severe discomfort, see Stockholm syndrome. It makes sense for aggression and sexuality to be linked in the brain.
Of course no girl wants to be wolf packed on the D.C. Metro or beaten up. Yet nearly ever romance novels consider healthy dose of a woman being taken against her will. The key is that she is taken against her will by a high value, dominant man who could satisfy her genetic desire for healthy and fit offspring.
– How to Choke a Woman During Sex by Mike Cernovich, Danger & Play
Yet this explanation doesn’t really account for the shame and humiliation part of my fantasy.
What do rape, fucking a sleeping girl and necrophilia have in common? The detachment from the judgment of the woman. Do you really want her to see you for what you are?
It is natural for a woman to feel revulsion when she is being raped. But a rapist explicitly doesn’t care, he finds a way not to be reliant on the appreciation of his sexuality. Neither do a sleeping or dead girl care in the heat of the moment.
I was and still am ashamed of my sexuality. But it’s a specific part of my sexuality that I am ashamed of: My sexualand selfish desire to have my way.
is the “should not” emotion. It’s a judgment.
The judgment is that I will get rejected for sexual aggression and assertiveness. Therefore the only fantasy that contains consent is one where I am a servant to the girls needs and make her feel nice without making demands. It’s a comforty one, primarily based on the pleasure of feeling a soft skin and my penis inside her vagina and seeing her happy. Impossible vanilla.
So the aggression is still there and needs to be released. But the judgment of my subconscious comes to the conclusion that the only way to live out aggression and have my way is through brute force or ignorance of the woman, because aggression makes consent impossible.
Yet it is humiliating to need to force myself on somebody. It means that I have no value to offer that could justify my needs, but can impossibly suppress the desire. Through, the humiliation becomes a firm part of the emotional spectrum of sex which I likewise impose on the object of my desire. Some may say that I project the humiliation into the girl and there’s something true about it, yet in this fantasy I actually feel the humiliation and relish it. Ever heard about murderers who murder because they empathize with the pain of the victim and enjoy it? Next time you are righteously wallowing in regret, think about who you are becoming.
Thus I condition my brain to seekby a woman. , by the way. As does . Subconsciously, this kind of complex emotional visualization will lead me to act in a way that makes women actually reject me, because that’s part of the fantasy. In the end, this only leaves me with the possibility to actually rape a woman, which is not a good option. Think about it: To satisfy my desire without breaking a law, I would need to find a woman who is revulsed by me, yet agrees to sleep with me. That is paradoxical.
It may even be possible ifand wants to be taken by somebody she doesn’t desire consciously. That is something I fantasized about for a long time. I am also turned on by the concept of a hate-fuck. These strong and aggressive emotions make for a fantastic cocktail. Cock, tail.
Reality and dominance
The joke is one me, though, because I am slowly learning that the things I am hiding are the things that would actually make women want to sleep with me: Sexual aggression and.
As I imply in my article about narcissism and power, it is of no use to devalue cravings of the body. Sexual aggression would be one of them and it is there for a reason. One needs a way to release it in a healthy manner.
Just be who you are is as wise as it is stupid. A nice guy denies his aggression and is brought up to imitate female behavior. When he meets a female he desires, he has to invest immense energies to hide his aggressions instead of channeling them into positive dominant behavior. You can almost see how he is being torn apart by the energy that he has to contain – you call that nervous. Ironically, when you tell the nice guy that he should be aggressive, he will think he has to pretend to be aggressive on top of his nervousness. Poor guy. No, he would just need to stop pretending to not be.– and a bad one.
The key takeaway would be: Do not associate consent with absence of aggression. If you try that, you may find out that even the idea of normal sex (one where the girl is not traumatized) is attractive again. Why? Because the hurting physical violence, humiliation and absence of reciprocity are no longer needed to release and access your sexual aggression. Some claps on the butt, dirty talk and dominance are enough, because she understands and submits. Wants to submit.
And, of course, you will be able to tolerate rejection better, because you don’t want a girl who doesn’t want you anyway. You may merely want one who pretends she doesn’t.
The more I come to accept my inner aggression and assertiveness, the less I desire to rape women. I want to take them violently, still, but I want them to want it. With time I am starting to see my aggression not as an offense, but as a gift to the woman. It is, at this early phase, a battle inside my head and I have to be on guard againstthat shame me for this and force me back into my rape fantasies.
But, dear feminists and white knights, think about what kind of men you are creating when you force them to hold back their assertiveness. These men will do nothing overt anymore, but they will become at heart and eventually burst, go on a rampage or become rapists and murderers. Rapists aren’t rapists because they are encouraged in being assertive – they are rapists because they need a release for their aggression. For the same reason, a doesn’t work.
Shamelessly scanning girls’ legs, breasts, hair, mmmh, faces on the street. Looking them in the eye and communicating: I imagine to take you and I don’t give a fuck what you think.
That is a great release for aggression and it hurts nobody. And they like it too, sometimes.