I walk past the newspaper stand. Big letters say “He”. Wait, where did I hear that? Oh right, I myself called him the he. The devil. Seems stupid, I only see the picture of a guy at the beach. I laugh out loud. Yeah, he. Uh-huh.
The devil is scary, sure. But there’s some excitement involved in fighting him, undeniably. He is. He is exempt from morals. Or is he?
We, the politicians, love you
Andreas, thank you for this opportunity. I feel deeply moved by the incident you have produced. I have already called my secretaries and I will show my emotion to the whole nation. I will tell them how I feel with the victims . Yeah, technically they don’t feel anymore. I will show my concern and it will be honest. I will make sure that this never happens again. Or I will say so.
Anyway, at the end of the day, sitting at home and shaking my head in disbelief with my friends and loved ones, we will once more be reminded of the importance of love and blah, blah, blah.
Finally something to talk about. Finally something that unites us.
People will vote me, but that’s not important. My consternation is..
We, the journalists, love you
Andreas, thank you. I don’t really give a fuck about you. I know that there is a million psychopaths out there, but you were fucking spectacular! Man. A fucking plane. Awesome. How will I call you? I will call you He. Hehe, nice.
Let’s see, what can I write about tomorrow? Oh, well, I will call some psychologist to analyze you. It doesn’t really mean anything, but people just like to poke in other people’s minds. Don’t know why, makes them feel powerful, probably.
They will call you narcissist. I bet these sheep don’t even know what that word means. Probably something bad. Yeah. Like psychopath. You are something bad and if there’s a scientific term for it, the better. Who even cares, it’s a nice insult. Narcissist, you. Love you.
We, the progressives, love you
Andreas, I know that you weren’t bad at your heart. They don’t even have a proof that you did it and they put so much hate on you. Does anyone think about your family? It’s not their fault.
You were sick. Society should have accepted you and given you a safe place, made you a part. This is one more proof of our racist non-inclusive society. Patriarchy! Capitalism! Go to hell!
I love you. You were better than all your critics. You have showed us the depravity of society. Rest in peace. I feel with you. I also think about suicide and unfairness of life. Your pain is mine.
We, the moralists, love you
Andreas, you fucking attention whore. And all the other attention whores, I hate them. They don’t care about the victims, only about you. It should fucking be about the victims. I will comment on the Facebook pages and tell them: This Facebook page should be deleted. I reported it, so should you.
How dare they get attention from this. The tragedy is a fucking sad thing. Sad. Do you hear? Sad. Are you not listening? It’s sad. S. A. D. You can’t just use a sad situation.
Oh wow, people agree with me. A thousand likes and a hundred replies to my comment. Of course, I know I am right. How dare people use this incident to beg for attention! Me and the hundred other commenters are right to judge you.
I love you for the chance to correct them. I love you for the agreement I get from other good people.
We, the attention whores, love you
Andreas, thank you. Man. People hate you so much. This is the perfect chance to provoke. Let’s see, how about a Facebook page about you? They are going to eat it up. Maybe I’ll post Andreas, I love you all over the place and hope that someone get’s upset.
You know, Andreas, what’s the most funny thing? I get 500 likes, but 1500 comments. Girls with pretty selfies tell me about my depravity. It’s fucking hilarious to watch this. As if they had waited for this chance to get their own attention.
Oh well, I let them have their fun. If I am the valve they need, I will be.. Weird.
Tomorrow, I’ll prepare some profound moralistic memes for them to share from my other Facebook page. Something like: It is a sad world where people use sad incidents to push themselves into the limelight. Sounds great. Haha.
We, the people, love you
Andreas, tomorrow’s not going to be a normal workday. It will be special. Yeah, sad. I will propose a minute of silence for the victims. It will be appropriate. Maybe even a silent hate minute for you, Andreas.
I will have a reason not to work hard, because of the trauma you put me through. People will understand. Maybe I’ll get an hour off.
We, the nihilists, love you
Andreas, thank you for your selflessness. You have sacrificed your life so that people can today feel united against you. You have made the biggest sacrifice of all people. No one will ever thank you, yet people need a villain. I hear you.
… he’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero …
– Gordon in The Dark Knight
We, the philosophers, love you
Andreas, you once more bring to the light the stupidity of society. They are sheep. Instead of solving the problem, they talk about their emotions. Politicians and journalists use the emotions to keep people in a dream state, to distract them from real life and real goals.
You give me something to think about. You show me that all people just want. You show me that people don’t have lives. You give me something to write about.
You give me the realization that I should fucking stop to care about you and other nuts and go find some excitement in my own life.
Andreas, I love you.