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How to change body language, thoughts, emotions

Ever tried to force yourself to look confident? Ever tried to force an honest smile? Ever tried to be open or sympathetic to someone, to end up being extremely inauthentic? Have you thus given up and said I am the way I am?

Let me tell you where you went wrong.

Spring force

Imagine a somewhat flexible steel pole fixed in concrete. On one side of the pole is a thin wall of paper. Now imagine you want the pole to tear through the wall of paper. You can do two things:

  1. Push the pole through the wall of paper, against the strength of the material.
  2. Pull the pole towards yourself and let go of it. The pole will transform the spring energy into high speed and quickly burst through the wall of paper.

In the former case, the movement will probably be somewhat nonlinear and inelegant. Meanwhile, in the latter case, it will be a straight hard motion; there will be a strong momentum in the right direction.

Head vs. Body

You are your head. The steel pole is your body. I know what you’re thinking.

Whenever you try to force a certain thought, emotion, or body language, you probably focus on imitating smoothness. But your head is kinda crude in that regard, and limited. It makes you feel inauthentic and your body resists.

Why is that? Your body is in a certain state at any time. Changing your body language feels like taking the flow out of your body. That’s why you always say “I don’t feel like it now. I’m waiting for the right moment.” But what if you could simply create the right moment? Or, momentum?

Let’s see some examples:

  • You have slept and want to stand up.
  • You feel down, but want to give that hot girl on the street a sexy smirk.
  • You stand in front of a lewd blonde and want to show dominant body language.
  • You have eaten well and feel tired, but need to work.

The right moment

I am waiting for the right moment. Well, what do we mean when we say that? We mean that our body is not in a flow from which the desired action would naturally occur.

Negative example: We feel slouched, but want to enthusiastically greet someone. Even if we manage to do it, we will quickly fall back to a somewhat sluggish state.

When we try to do something in the wrong moment, we are either fighting inertia or are trying to completely change the direction we are flowing in – be that due to hormones, worries, vel cetera.

Positive example: We are dancing in a disco and some little bunny with maddeningly fragile pencil legs passes us. It is only natural in that situation to make overt gestures and move like a macho. There is no effort involved.

Let us conclude that our body, through internal processes, always moves in a direction with a certain force. Let’s call this direction that our body prefers momentum.

Now, people often say: Be yourself. What they mean is: Stay true to your momentum. Don’t force yourself. And there’s something to it. In fact, the need to seduce that woman on the street feels a lot like guilt. You want to be  a man. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, as I will conclude at the end of the article.


So here’s how you change your momentum.

As a prerequisite, you should be attentive and nonjudgmental about your emotions. Act with rational intent, e.g. to seduce. Else, you will generally not be able to let go of emotions or let them exist.

Also note that the language I use to convey the concept to you is limited. For example, when I use the world relax, you will need to find out the right corresponding trigger in your head to achieve exactly what I am trying to explain. Also, importantly, know how to learn.

So, here we go: Next time you feel the need to look a stranger in the eye and dominate him, be very attentive to the resistance your body gives you. There may be tensions or other sensations at various places, for example in the back of your head, in your stomach, in your chest, around your lower spine. These are the tensions whose direction must be changed.

Do not try to find names for these emotions. Don’t say it is fear or aggression, that’s pointless. Simply feel the resistance. Notice how you feel like you are forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. Stay in this state for a moment and focus on those places until you have completely wrapped your mind around the way they feel. This may take a few approaches.

Now, having located the places and still focusing on them – they may be different each time – let completely go of the tension you are creating. Focus on the places that you have given up the willpower over and feel how the former tension, induced through your willpower, is now gone and instead replaced by a momentum of your body itself. Suddenly you will feel the natural urge to do what you wanted to do in the first place. As a bonus, you will be outcome independent because you are simply going with the flow and keep an open and relaxed mind that can focus on interaction instead of feigning body language.

The difficulty with this technique is that the places are not always at the same place – I do not know the reason yet. Thus, you may feel the instinct to focus on the places you were focusing on last time, only to find that it doesn’t help. Approach every situation as if it were novel.

The more often you do this, the quicker it becomes. In the end, it feels like you’re doing it almost instantly.

Thoughts & Emotions

I was primarily focusing on body language, but you can do the same with thoughts and general emotions.

Example: You read an article by someone and it seems plausible. You want to sympathize with the author to deactivate the resistance of your mind to learn. So, once more, see your brain for what it is: A chemical system with momentum and resistance against a change of direction. Your current emotional state may not be in any mode to sympathize. Do the following: Force yourself to sympathize in an exaggerated manner, don’t expect authenticity from yourself. Again, notice the places that resist – if it is an intellectual problem, they will probably be in the head. Then let go of the need to feel sympathy and notice how your brain relaxes and, without resistance, takes the direction you want it to take.

There is a lot of discussion about free will and I think that this is an important part of the concept. A person feels they are doing something out of free will if they are not forcing themselves or being forced to do it. But if they can induce a relaxed state, they are open to suggestions and new ideas.

Try this technique on your journey to swallow the red pill, it’s a great catalyst to open the mind.

Stockholm syndrome

I highly recommend you read this great article about brainwashing. It discusses principles of indoctrination. Take it with an open mind and don’t judge the term brainwashing. After all, what’s to say against a clean brain? Take it with a grain of salt also; some of the techniques seem like science-fiction, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t possible. Just keep in mind that the author may be doing some brainwashing, too.

People who are being introduced in religious cults are confronted with a closed group and feel like they need to adapt to be accepted – this creates guilt in them, which I would say is the categorizing term for the tensions I am talking about: I need to do this now. I must prove I can. During the process, hypnotization is used – consciously or not – to have the recipient relax and be suggestible to the new ways. When this process is over, they naturally are a part of the group.

This is a typical process for initiation rites and something I have also experienced during my Ayahuasca ceremony. Military is the same. Stress, relief/catharsis, adaption. Same thing as Stockholm syndrome. Initiation rites into manhood are a classical example; you live through some terror or stress and afterwards, you have an experience you share with the other men, thus you don’t feel like you have to prove anything anymore and have peace of mind to adapt and feel like a part of the group.

So maybe I am in fact suggesting an effective way to break yourself and adapt a new identity in the fraction of a second. Feel the need to prove something to yourself, give up the need to prove it, become what you wanted to be. In a funny way, you thus become your own master: Expect something from yourself, relieve yourself of the expectation, allow yourself to be what you expected. Ironically, this also means that we already have everything in us – the only problem would ever be that we are trying to prove something. What do you think?

I have a few other techniques that have a similar aim and they may all be using the same psychological dynamics. More on that to come.

Let me know if this works for you. Do you use similar techniques to master yourself, possibly within a context of sales/marketing or game?

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  • Here is a great read about the stages of competence, in this case competence is the desired body language, speech, and emotions.


    I am as conscious as I can be about whatever I am doing. I try to notice that which I want to improve on. The more I notice me doing or not doing that which I do not wish, I change course. The more I change course, the more natural it seems. Eventually the action or lack of response becomes second nature.

    I always return eye contact. I always stand tall. I never let me emotions get the best of me. All it takes is time and training. It is all training and being conscious.

    • That’s an interesting addition, thank you.

      I think a part comes down to being able to ignore emotions or put them in the background. When an emotion is very new, e.g. unexpected pain, it’s hard to focus on anything but it. With time, you learn that it’s not dangerous. It’s almost automatic to ignore pain in a life or death situation, too.