A place for a

18.03.2015

Neediness: Do you want to be in the moment?

This is all about a decision. Have you ever wondered why you can’t lose fat? Why you can’t do X? Why you had to fight and lose against the insatiable urge to sabotage yourself? Ever wondered why you can’t focus during emotional stress?

Fair enough, maybe you haven’t. But this isn’t your story.

Lose Control

Some time ago, at my workplace, I was telling a female colleague about how I enjoyed my first time sex. I told her that it had been awesome and that I had had everything under control.

Whereupon she remarked: Control. How boring.

Indeed, most of my life I had fantasized of moments that would just sweep me away. I would lose control and simply be in the moment and enjoy the great feelings and everything.

Life in trance

And I reckon that this is what it is like for women. It may also be what it is for rockstars.

Yet, to my dismay, interacting with a woman really is like eating a cake that has two eyes and questions my intents. I become self-conscious.

But I just want to enjoy the moment!

Stupid shit tests, right? Why would one want to bother with those? Perfectly destroy your comfort.

Watching movies also gives you this idea: You just see things happen and identify with the hero. You watch the movie in trance and imagine that that’s what real life is like. But the real love game is nonlinear. It doesn’t always work out and it’s always slightly different. And you have to make decisions.

Self-consciousness

Language plays it’s tricks. The German word Selbstbewusstsein consists of the words “Selbst”, self, and “Bewusstsein”, consciousness. Yet it translates as confidence, not self-consciousness. Weird.

I have a few questions for you. Let’s see if you share my problem:

  • Do you dislike being watched and evaluated?
  • Would you hate if somebody filmed you in an uncomfortable situation?
  • Do you crave to be very smooth?
  • Don’t you like to hear yourself speak?
  • Do you think that things should just work and if they don’t, you suspect that something is wrong?
  • Do you generally dislike analyzing your own behavior or having others analyze it? Do you feel it’s somehow wrong?

If you said yes to at least 55% of the questions, we have something in common. Or had.

Clarity of thought & smoothness

Have you ever … alright, let’s stop the rhetorics.

Try on a cheap pair of hip hop earphones. Listen to some music. Now do the same with expensive reference headphones.

Suddenly, everything becomes crisp and clean. But. You also hear all the little mistakes in the performance.

Yet the music hasn’t changed. The cheap headphones have blurred out the errors.

Smoothness is your own illusion of perfection.

Nothing is ever perfect, as I can tell you from the process of improving in music, video editing, programming. But if you are in a very trance-like, comfortable state, things seem perfect. Your mind simply blends out everything that is not perfect.

Being in love is trance. You put the woman on a pedestal and she seems perfect. You blur your perception, voluntarily, to experience magnificence.

Trance is a choice

Trance is a state that floods your head. It pushes your eyes from behind and gives you a glazed tunnel look. You look like a junkie. And you can’t even fight it. Neediness, ahoy!

Why do you want trance? You do want it. I can tell you why I did. Deep inside, I was convinced that this trance-like state would improve the experience. I wanted to experience love in childlike innocence, without analyzing, without understanding.

I was also, in a weird way, convinced that it was morally wrong to be completely conscious of myself and another person, hubristic to be a merciless observer. Partly because I didn’t like this particularity in others.

But you sacrifice something else when you enter trance. Your conscious thought. Your discrimination, your calculation. Your focus. You drift away to some other place. Finally, my dreams come true. You become a puppet. You start to cling and follow the object of your desire and curiously wonder why you don’t seem to have any will on your own.

So ask yourselfIs the experience really better when I am not self-conscious? Or am I merely deceiving myself?

If you decide to be self-conscious, how can a girl possibly knock you off your game?

Weigh the pros and contras. Will you give up the illusion of your own and other’s perfection for high fidelity? Will you give up the wish to be overwhelmed by ecstasy for the precision of self-consciousness?

Decide.

What’s your choice?

0 votes
  • Mikke Musen

    Did you ever wonder why you put women on a pedestal ?

    Could it be, that if you don’t, you will have the unfortune of seeing it for what it is ?

    I know with myself, that most women, like 98% out there, like probably 80% of those I have fucked, doesn’t really deserve my big cock and normally hot body (I’m a little out of shape this year). So why should I be happy to sweat and do like 90% of the sex-work, when I am being pretty much abused ? I can get pretty much the same satisfaction with my right hand.

    I rarely sex anymore, unless the girl really turns me on. I do get blow jobs. That is ok. I don’t miss the sex part at all. I do miss the good sex part, but to be honest, it was always a rare thing.
    I also miss to have those mediocre “goal and meaning of life”. There really just isn’t that much point in even earning money any longer. Why the fuck should I pay for child support, when the mother, by the legal standards, are allowed to get away with everything she wants, while the truth is more like she should actually be paying me for my sperms. I ain’t even bragging. Way above average IQ and physique. Don’t use drugs, don’t wear glasses. Never had to fix me teeth as a child. I’ve had 5 holes in 40 years. I look 28, even with my hair turning a little grey. No genetical diseases in me, that runs in the family (must be “psychopathy” if so). Used to get most of the girls I desired, if I only did bother to get to know them. Used to get laid, without hardly chatting with a girl (I still can, but lost interest in the whole scene). I could earlier have told a girl I was picking up that her fat ass and belly turned me on, and she would be turned on (fat girls will be happy as long as you desire them, and non-fat girls with just like that sort of teasing. Suicidal girls I try to avoid). After anal-sex started to turn me on, I have probably analed 50% of my one night stands. Basically due to them wanting to impress me (after a few more fucks a lot of those I met again, started to disallow me going there :). So I explain the first success as a part of the intro-bonus.. ). Why should I pay for children that the society actually needs, while the society pays for IQ of 68 somalian children in amounts. Lol. It is just fucking stupid. I would like a lot, to raise kids, along with a woman I cared a lot about and respected. But fuck, it is just easier, legally speaking, to leave some sperm in a one night stand on a holiday in Spain, to drunk to remember the fathers name and or nationality.

    Sadly, seeing things for what they are, do become “boring”. Demotivating

    • You have a point there, my friend. Though, I don’t see it as being abused. Either I want her or I don’t; why would I give a fuck if she deserves me by any standards? Sounds to me like you are overly concerned with what she thinks.

      Yes, child support is a matter of course and there’s some wit to your idea to leave it in Spain. Though, you may get found as soon as they establish a global DNA database. Even anonymous sperm donors are revealed today and have to pay child support; it’s an ethic travesty.

      Anyway, glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself. I share your butt-focus; would like to fuck a black chick anally someday.

      Must be a nordic country, amirite?