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21.02.2015

Why assholes are greater people

Whom am I calling an asshole? A person who doesn’t care what I think about him. What do I mean by doesn’t care? The person is not emotionally affected by it. It’s unfair to call these great people assholes, but they can take it.

There is a special kind of comfort about being around invulnerable people that appeals especially to otherwise insecure or careful people. Like me.

I have 2 friends. One of whom is about my wavelength, maybe a bit less secure if he isn’t drunk. The other one is invulnerable. At least that is what he shows. Guess what. Especially if you are used to tread lightly around people, it’s most satisfying to suddenly find yourself in the company of a person who simply won’t be offended. Indeed, this person will say things you always think but never dare to speak. You will feel like the world is suddenly okay around him.

He will say things that may offend you, naturally. But you will know that he wouldn’t even think about doing that in order to actually throw you down. Not simply out of moral vanity. His mind is in a place where no desire exists to harm. He doesn’t fight his will to throw down other people, like I sometimes do. He simply doesn’t even think about doing it. Again, you will know it.

You will know it because of the immediacy of his manner. Look at this speech of Obama on the Connecticut school shooting. Notice how he carefully weighs his words, looks down on his notes and the whole thing is kinda mechanical.

Now imagine spitting out your $997.49 seduction script in that way. The words really won’t matter because everybody will think: What’s wrong with this guy?

Social interaction can be quite simple and relaxed if you have nothing to hide and no needy desire to get something you don’t think you’ve earned.

I used to think that people were comfortable around me when I was a nice guy. And in a way, they were. They were nice to me in return. They sometimes came to me when they had trouble and needed advice or somebody to listen.

But it’s a different kind of comfort. That kind of comfort is a business transaction. It requires effort on both sides. To be nice, I would weigh my words, however eloquently, not to step on somebody’s toes. This would be appreciated and returned in the same manner. But really, did you ever feel comfortable in such a situation?

The comfort received by an asshole is a gift. You don’t need to do anything to earn it. It just is.

Now, if you are invulnerable yourself and notice a person acting nice, you will just feel like something is off. You will wonder why they are doing that. What possible reason could there be not to be who you are. You may not really care and just think that the person is weird, but anyhow lovable.

If you are insecure yourself, on the other hand, other insecure people will be almost intolerable to you. No one will take the lead. Awkward silences, stunted dialogue.

Women usually try to be very nice. It’s exhausting to be nice.

Wonder why women don’t talk to you in a certain way? Well, do you talk to them in that certain way? Are you even ready to have that kind of interaction?

Do you really want to have an exciting flirt with that hot girl?

Now, I could talk about self-worth but I always found it sort of abstract.

Umm, so I’m just to tell myself I’m great? But I’m pathetic, how does that make sense?

I think that state exercises are more helpful. Take for instance this fantastic podcast on learning how to walk properly by Danger & Play. It will change you. Read my comment in the article for a suggestion to take the body connection even further.

I’m also working on a technique to integrate seemingly conflicting aspects of your personality in challenging situations.

Tell me about the invulnerable friends and lovers in your life. Are you an asshole? Do you want to be one? What does asshole mean to you?

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  • Wald

    That’s an interesting concept you describe, about comfort around an asshole. Puts words to something I know exists but couldn’t explain or touch, so to speak.

    I think that’s partially why people sometimes are held captivated when I have a “red pill” rant.

    Wald

    • I think it is the fact that you feel safe to express all important emotions around such a person. That you can live the whole palette of life, so to speak. Anger, annoyance, contempt, joy, sexuality, aggresiveness, shame.

      Of course, it is even better when you become that kind of person yourself. Then you become the enabler instead of the enabled.

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