A place for a

19.02.2015

I am a covert narcissist

When you type “narcissist” into Google, you don’t find accounts of compassion towards people who live in hell. You find articles on how to expose, destroy and get away from these people. And that’s okay, I don’t want to whine. The stigma is hard for me to tolerate and if you can’t understand that, you probably aren’t a narcissist. Huh, lucky you. A place where the traits of narcissism are rewarded and appreciated is much more preferable, for instance the sphere of the arts.

The stigma is justified, though, since the traits of a narcissist really are hard to tolerate and even more because a narcissist doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with him. I often crave to be in a girls embrace to fill a sense of emptiness, but that’s not a wish for intimacy; it’s anything but. Intimacy exposes, but the motivation of the narcissist is to cover up. In this example, the imagined reward of love is the knowledge that I am lovable, I am a man, and a superiority compared to everyone who is not.

Non-sexual compassion from women in real life I usually perceive as degrading.

I am most often a covert narcissist. Think of a nice guy; shy and unassertive, yet jealous and passive-aggressive. Compare this to the image of an overt narcissist you may have. Been making out with a girl and doing well? The one guy from the group staring at you as if you were evil? Despite the fact that he’s the last person she’d want to make out with? That’s me. All the while my mind constructs this idea: “I pity her. It’s sad for her that she doesn’t see how happy she could be with me and it breaks my heart.”

Recognize the grandiosity now?

Sounds like the characterization of a lunatic, doesn’t it. Imagine my surprise when I first recognized that this was the way I was. Every cell in my body protests against identifying with such a piece of shit of a person. Incidentally, the unwillingness to face reality is what first made the narcissist become what he is. But at least the overt narcissist often gets his way; the covert narcissist will more usually be depressed and lack motivation. A covert narcissist doesn’t deal with fear; he deals with the shame of even admitting fear because he has to be better than that.

If you are reading this and are a narcissist yourself, you will probably think: “What a piece of shit. I don’t want anything to do with him.” If you are a confident person, you will probably think: “Well, alright, you were smart enough to figure this out. So what’cha gonna do about it?”

Self-Improvement

I used to surround myself with people who were, in my perception, less grandiose and weaker than me. It soothed my mind, but my grandiosity was/is a lie that needs to be confronted nonetheless. Often these people who would regard themselves as intellectual. They wouldn’t challenge my thoughts, when expressed. Part of growing is to let go of such anchors and trying to find ones way into the sphere of grown up men. Though the mind keeps wondering whether it isn’t quite arrogant, unfair and careless to leave them behind, whether one even has the slightest chance to be accepted as something better or actually be something better. Whether the wish to be better is immoral in itself. Shouldn’t I be helping those weaker than me? Well, in a way, that’s what I’m doing now, by writing.

I know progress can be made. Think of it, narcissism isn’t some form of devils curse. Thinking about it in terms of stigma is pointless. Why? Well, because that will only have you try to overplay the symptoms; and acting is, in a way, the thing that makes you a narcissist. Also, psychology – at least the bits on Google – only does so much to aid you.

The main problem for the good-willed narcissist is that the biggest bits about narcissism to be found are symptomatic and empiric in nature. They do little to help him understand his problem. Neither do they really offer solutions.

Let me illustrate.

Narcissists are cold, shallow and lack empathy. Reading that, I instinctively feel the need to prove that this isn’t true. Note the difference between “improve on it” and “prove it isn’t true.” I don’t want to change. I simply don’t want to suffer the disadvantages of my current state, which contains being viewed as a flawed human being.

Now if that doesn’t point to profound laziness.

In a way, I believe it takes a narcissist to understand a narcissist, because unhealthy narcissism is possibly a left-over from early childhood and most people have not experienced being a child in a grown-up body.

Leave the realms of the internet and you will also find positive masculine material like the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, where narcissism is identified simply as a so-called bipolar shadow system of the Divine Child archetype:

The followers of Carl Jung, however, view this Divine Child differently. They do not see it in largely pathological terms. Jungians believe that the Divine Child is a vital aspect of the Archetypal Self.

So the grandiosity in itself isn’t bad. But it isn’t sufficient in itself. It is a tool. I am working on way to combine seemingly conflicting aspects of my personality without letting go of either.

As for real achievment. There is fantastic advice to be found on sites like Danger & Play. Never mind Mike is not too keen about narcissists – who is? I don’t like them myself. Ever heard something along the lines that women despise each other? And that women are like children? Guess what, dear fellow covert narcissists – we are like children and women. Let’s quietly take pride in that for a minute, since women and children are holy and untouchable. And despise each other.

But sites like Danger & Play are directed towards people who have a basic amount of discipline. The authors of those sites don’t know the perspective of not even being capable or willing to grasp the reality of rational arguments or the necessity to invest work for a skill, since they have usually outgrown that too long ago to remember.

That’s why I am writing. Not simply as another fitness & game blog for confident and rational men. But as a place for everyone who wants to find their way into that world, but feels overwhelmed. Everyone who has trouble identifying with greatness and achievement. Because I have been there and I still am.

Mike Cernovich is like a father to me. If you have trouble even accepting him as a decent human being for some of the things he says, I highly recommend you try to stick around.

There are some key themes that keep coming back to me that I will further investigate and write about, like: How to develop empathy for men and empathy in general, how to understand my narcissistic motivations, how to decide for a path in life, how to become a positive person, how to find anger and let go of that anger, how to develop compassion, how to be assertive and how to integrate my personality.

2 votes
  • Wald

    And the journey begins. You have a way of writing such that it seemingly goes over my head – yet it doesn’t at all. I have hard time explaining consciously what my subconscious picks up.

    Wald

    • Interesting. I wonder what it is. Maybe the subconscious rage and sorrow that I felt while writing this article tainted the objectivity I tried to achieve – without me noticing it. Let me know if you get some intuition about what it may be you perceived, the concept intrigues me.

      • Dano

        This is just a theory and may be out of my place to say, but perhaps you tweaked and put together your words in a way that you yourself knew people would delight in. So you did not write what was 100% percent on your mind- but rather you wrote what you subconsciously wanted your readers to perceive you as. It’s the narcissist’s skill. For example, the first part of my statement “This is just a theory and may be out of my place to say” is not something I meant. It’s something I wrote so that I won’t get any hate comments/ I actually think what I am saying is correct. I just wanted to pretend I was humble so that you would like me.

      • Raven

        Yes you are not remotely “objective” in one paragraph where you say women do not deserve things and the only thing that’s wrong with “Danger & Play” site is “people with discipline”. The rest seems fine while skimming. That one paragraph would basically just be removed if the article is good, true, or “objective”. The paragraph starts with a sentence that has the word “achievement” in it. Also my boyfriend does take rational arguments, as long as he is not unmanageably enraged at the time or confused much enough to be unable to form a sentence talking.

  • Greg Partin

    I’m a covert narcissist also. I recently started blogging about things that have happened in my life that I believe led to me becoming a narcissist and the things that I have done so people can experience some real life events of a narcissist. I hope to help myself improve my behavior now that I have recognized my condition and I also hope to help people recognize narcissistic behavior before it’s too late. Check it out at http://www.imanarcissist.com

  • Narc

    I’m a covert narcissist also. I recently started blogging about things that have happened in my life that I believe led to me becoming a narcissist and the things that I have done so people can experience some real life events of a narcissist. I hope to help myself improve my behavior now that I have recognized my condition and I also hope to help people recognize narcissistic behavior before it’s too late. Check it out at http://www.imanarcissist.com

    • Thanks for the tip, buddy. I left you a couple comments. Not sure if I get notified on responses, since you have no checkbox for e-mail responses.

  • Dano

    I have recently “diagnosed myself” as a covert narcissist (a very extreme one)- The beginning of your article really spoke to me- and as you said, any information I tried to find online about NPD was directed to the “victims” who have been hurt by narcissists. So these past few days, I’ve been trying to think very deeply about who I was as a person- and the deeper I dug, the more hurt I would become (although, I’m not in pain about the fact that I am a narcissist. It’s something I can’t seem to put my finger on). so I can’t help but conclude that I do not want to change- even though I know I am a flawed human being . Also, I would just like to point out that I am a female. So, ya… people might consider a narcissistic women to be someone who is obsessed with taking selfies, makeup, and Instagram. But that isn’t the case. All those things are meaningless. A narcissistic women is probably no different than a narcissistic man. They lack empathy, lack intimacy, and have a sense of grandiosity (not in terms of Facebook and Instagram). I just wanted to let you know that I really liked your post since it was the first thing I’ve seen online that I can relate to.

    • Dano

      Also, I’m still pretty young and have always refused to get into any sort of serious relationship (no close friends, lovers etc.)- I grew up my whole life without them. I didn’t need them then- and I don’t need them now. So when I think about my future, I get scared. the key part is, I don’t fear being alone in the future. I fear being forgotten. I don’t fear “missing out” on these important type of relationships- I fear others “missing out” on me. In my head, I am so amazing I can have a huge impact on the lives of everyone around me- but I am just too lazy and selfish to give anyone my time. And so the second someone tries to get closer to me… I do the worst type of thing- I pretend they don’t exist (I push them away and become super cold towards them). And then I get disgusted from them. (I think I’m pretty messed up- but I don’t mind it. Because in the end, I’m the best) Have you ever experienced these type of feelings??

      • Yeah, I have experienced those feelings, although I seldom live them out openly due to another issue.

        You shouldn’t have deleted the comment you made about pretending and putting together words – it’s one of the best comments I have ever read on my blog. Yes, I do think that I do that often. Am I totally conscious of doing it? Sometimes. But I probably don’t do it as often as you, due to the other issue I mentioned above – which doesn’t mean I am ‘better’ than you, only that I am more afraid of, let’s say, openly being a manipulative ass.

        • Dano

          I know I’m being an ass, but I make sure that I don’t give anyone expectations in the first place- you can’t really hurt someone if you don’t get close to them, right? For me, the way people perceive me is everything. I walk around with a huge smile plastered on my face all the time- people tell me I light up their day- others tell me I’m so cute and innocent looking- my nickname at college is “angel face”- but that’s not me at all (and I HATE that nickname). I want to try it from now on- just being myself. I will stop complementing people unnecessarily, and I will only smile when I am happy. To be honest though- I’m just going to receive a lot of hate in the end. The only reason I act the way I do is because when I bail out on lunch or when I don’t text or call someone when they are waiting for me to- I just show up the next day with an “innocent smile” and they automatically forgive me because in their hear they think, “she can’t possibly have ignored me on purpose”. I think I’m so fake- but in the end, this way nobody talks bad about me behind my back- nobody will try to start annoying drama with me- and at the same time I don’t attract too much attention. But I hate how cute and fuzzy people think I am.

          I’m pretty curious, how did you, a covert narcissist, open up to the world about who you are? Weren’t you afraid about how others will perceive you? Moreover, I have this weird thought that “people don’t deserve to know that I’m a narcissist”. It’s weird, but I’m very possessive of myself. I feel like the reason I don’t want to spend time with others is because that means I will spend less time with myself”….

          • Well, I could give a crap about whether you’re being an ass. You should read some of the other comments on here. You’re among the “normal” ones. Plus, for claiming to be fake, you make quite sincere seeming observations. That makes you interesting and refreshing as opposed to all the boring repetitive crap out there.

            From my personal experience, “just trying to be yourself” is basically worthless bullshit. There’s a reason you’ve been acting the way you’ve been acting and it won’t just go away – although you will likely succeed for a period of time in ignoring it, so you could reasonably expect a few weeks or even months of success, depending on how deep-seated your problems are.

            The fact that you’re “fake” ironically is who you really are at this moment. There is no ‘truer’ self of you. You have to observe and understand why you are what you are. Then you will see that it makes sense that you are this way and that it’s totally cool. And quite probably you will be able to let go of quite a bit of that annoying habit (as you have understood why it’s there and that it’s no longer needed).

            Why did I open up to the world? Did I really? I could ask you the same thing. Why write these comments?

          • Dano

            I wanted to connect- that’s why I wrote to you. I told you right, I’ve been thinking about my current situation- would I ever be able to like someone sincerely? Would I ever be able to be fully engaged in a conversation? Would I ever be able to connect? I liked your post, as well as some other ones I read. To be honest, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts- a lot of the posts you wrote were things I had thought up at some point as well. And well, I’m a narcissist- so if you’re similar to ME, then of course I would be intrigued.
            And you’re probably right. This fake persona might not be something I can discard- there is a reason I am the way I am due to some experiences when I was younger (nothing big, just small little things that effected me). After putting some thought into it, if I take away this “mask”, then there would be nothing left. Because usually when I’m around people- I’m not thinking much. I’m not really feeling anything. No emotions- it’s not like I’m unhappy, just bored. Typing this out, I feel like I’m a really strange person (like, if someone read this, they would be worried) It’s not like I’m depressed and it’s not that I dislike people- I’m not violent either. just bored

          • I see. I myself think I wrote it – in a paradoxical way – to distance myself from it. When you don’t want anyone to think you’re mad, what do you do? You shout that crazy stuff right in their faces and they won’t believe it. Seeing the forest for the trees and all that. On the other hand, maybe there was no real reason to it after all.

            Truth be told, I find labels like ‘narcissism’ a bit silly. I used it because I wanted to sound like I knew what I was talking about and get visitors from Google. There are things about you (and other so-called ‘narcississts’) that I can’t really identify with and I am sure that vice versa is also true. People are not cardboard cut-outs, but have individual stories and details about their so-called ‘disorders’. That’s not to say we are super special important snowflakes – it just means that it’s not logical to simplify stuff like that and neither does it really lead anywhere but to have a ‘box’ to fit oneself and others into, which gives a faux sense of ‘understanding’.

            Yeah, you can’t take off a ‘mask’. The mask is you. It is a troubled version of you (I assume, since you are here writing that shit). It would be like cutting off a broken leg in an attempt to ‘fix’ it. Whether it’s broken or whether it’s just a harmless bruise, you know best. But even a broken leg can heal.

            I get bored with people too. But I do (or tended to) not show it out of shame and fear – or even terror – of what people would do if they found out.

          • Dano

            Well thanks for hearing me out. After every comment I wrote I sort of expected a harsh reply- I’ve never been honest, so this is the first time I’ve put down my thought process into words- and I believe I’m a pretty annoying and petty person- so the fact that I didn’t get hate back actually made me really happy.

            And ya, I guess I should stop looking through google to try to find out who I am as a person. Especially those articles written by people who have been victimized by narcissists. After reading those I was like “am I really going to be that shitty in relationships”? In the end, it’s how we deal with it, right?

            I’ll definitely be keeping up with your posts!

          • Dano

            And there it is. My bad habit. I didn’t look through google to discover myself- i wanted to read stories of people who have been hurt by narcissists. Why? because they were somewhat funny- to read stories about people pouring their heart to someone else who just eventually shut them off. I thought those people were naive, dedicating everything they are to someone else. I didn’t think I was a “shitty person” at all, neither did I think the narcissists in the story were shitty either. I told you- I’m a petty person. There- now I can say that my posts here have been honest.

          • Well … a lot of that anti-“narcissist” stuff is written by some psychopaths and “narcissists” too, very very likely. Think about it … the ideal scheme … invent some disorder called ‘narcissism’, paint it as ‘evil’, then become an online “leader” attacking those people and the sheep keep coming to you and spending money on your books and ‘products’ etc. Yawn. Same basic concept as the ‘guru’.

            Now the irony is that you thought they were naive … e.g. for dedicating everything they are to someone else. And yet you kinda do the same thing by putting on a mask. It’s just 2 sides of the same coin imo. It’s also kinda ‘narcissistic’ to think that you are ‘so much better than narcissists’, right?

          • Dano

            That makes sense- After all, nobody understands a narcissist like a narcissist- so they can write posts knowing what people are looking for. As for my mask, it’s true that I am dedicating my life to pleasing people- but I think I am keeping my heart secure- I don’t think I am leaving room for people to come into my life and hurt me. I don’t expect much from others- that way I won’t get hurt. But in the end, I see your point- I’m not living fully for myself- so what’s the point? True, nobody will hurt me- but I don’t get to experience the so called pleasures of life, doing what pleases myself.

          • Another way of seeing it is that people in power condition other people to look out for patterns … once it was witches, or people ‘possessed by demons’. Then perhaps Jews. Then communists. Then ‘narcissists’. A bit oversimplified, but you get my point. Where were the narcissists before the term ‘narcissist’ was invented?

            Ya, I suppose.

          • Lol! Well, I like to be an ass online, especially to women. I don’t like women. But you kinda earned it with your cool comments. It gave me a nice opportunity to formulate my ideas on the topic. Doesn’t mean we’re friends. ;)

            And … there is no “should”, from what I can tell.

          • Dano

            LOL it may seem like a paradox, even though I want people to not hate me, I also like it when someone is an “ass” towards me- I prefer that over love. Why? I’m not sure. Plus, I’m not exactly on the look out for friends. I like having a good thought-provoking exchange/conversation. This is a very simplified sentence of my thoughts- but you are very smart. And you’re a deep thinker. So am I, so I was curious as to what sort of conversation I will have with you- that is all.

          • Dano

            “I get bored with people too. But I do (or tended to) not show it out of shame and fear – or even terror – of what people would do if they found out.” I think that as well. It’s probably better if they didn’t know because we will probably end up all alone if we voiced every one of our thoughts. Plus I do believe small relationships in general are important- in the end, I definitely don’t want to always be alone

          • The irony is that “we” end up alone anyway when we hide. But that’s not a bad thing. The truth is that we actually want to be alone. We want to avoid intimacy. (As if it wasn’t obvious). We just don’t yet understand why. Well, I actually do for my part, to a certain extent. Else I wouldn’t be claiming there’s a reason, right?

            Oh, reminds me, there is actually a nice site with articles that I like. Surprisingly as fuck, also written by a woman. Here it is: http://gettinbetter.com/

            The design of the site looks shady and weird as fuck, but I find myself agreeing with what she writes.

          • Dano

            hahahaha your dislike for women is interesting. the whole gender issue does come to my mind often- I can’t tell whether or not I dislike men. I don’t believe I do- but then, there is marriage/family/dating- and well, I think we are the most vulnerable with a lover, correct? So, the person who will most likely hurt us the most will be the opposite gender. Maybe our anxieties/dislikes stem from that thought?

            Also, I’ll make sure to check out the site.

          • I don’t know … I hate pretty much everyone, irrespective of “gender”. But women tend to irritate me more typically. Maybe it’s because they are – in my perception – despite their weaker bodies in more power these days. Fight a man and you are fighting a man. Fight a woman and you are fighting ten men who are “enchanted” by her. Also, I grew up with an insane single mother, so that would be a good justification to hate women.

          • Dano

            hmmmm, I didn’t know men are enchanted that easily by women- To be honest, I really dislike that concept. The idea of enchanting a man. It’s kind of gross. I’m not trying to be an ass, I just would’t want that in a relationship- even though I’m “narcissistic”- the last thing I want is power over someone else or the idea of manipulation.

            Also, who cares about strength and the biology of our bodies? Come on man, women really aren’t as big and strong as you believe they’ve become.

            I see your point about your mom, but that’s just how the world unfolded for you- in your case, it was you and your mom. In other words, you vs. a female, right? For me, I also grew up with someone who hurt me. But my family consists mainly of females (4 daughters, a mother, and a father) So in my situation, it was not me vs. a female- after all, she wasn’t the only female force in my life. However if it was my dad who hurt me, then it would most likely be me vs. a male, since he was the only male force in my life.

            You’re perception of this world is different from mine. You’ve seen different things, experienced different things, know different things, think different things. And that is why I have to stop now. In the end, I think I got too caught up in your posts- and I’m getting a little scared- almost as though I’ve stepped into somebody else’s territory. For example, this is a very long reply vs. my first comments here. It’s time for me to move out of this site, for now. Not because I don’t enjoy it, but my comments have just become long and boring- nothing special in them anymore. Moreover, it’s almost like I’m trying to look for faults in your posts so I can inflict my opinion- sorry, bad habit. (btw, it’s interesting that you can think this deeply everyday without going ‘insane’- or are you? I’m definitely not able to do such a thing)

            Good luck.
            oh something to think about- I think a lot of the reason for my ‘self love’ is due to the fact that I don’t see my physical self most of the time. Not my gender. race. religion. I don’t see it – so I don’t categorize myself. Because i have a bad habit of assuming things about people based on their physical appearance- I can’t help it.

          • Well, but you are manipulating people ironically, as do I. By putting on a mask to get a certain reaction. That is manipulation. Everyone does it. Maybe the difference is only to what goal one does it.

            No, women are not big and strong. Of course not. A ridiculous idea. But men will step in when you get into a conflict with a woman. You took my statement too metaphorically.

            “You’re perception of this world is different from mine. You’ve seen different things, experienced different things, know different things, think different things.”

            Yeah. Exactly. That’s what I’ve been saying. Just because we both vaguely fit the label ‘narcissist’ doesn’t mean we are in some kind of secret insider group that agrees on everything and revels in its ‘narcissism’.

            “Moreover, it’s almost like I’m trying to look for faults in your posts so I can inflict my opinion- sorry, bad habit.”

            Lol. I know that. I don’t give a fuck. If you find faults, you can keep them. I am sure my blog is full of faults. This isn’t an academic endeavor. This is just me writing my thoughts. Sometimes I write something and realize there is a million contradictions in it … and then I think: Oh well. I am sure my readers can figure out for themselves what to take out of it. Or not.

            Good point about not seeing yourself. I remember being in Peru without mirrors for 2 weeks. That was quite interesting…

            “It’s time for me to move out of this site, for now.”

            Sure, whatever. No need to make a big deal out of it.

          • Dano

            “That makes you interesting and refreshing as opposed to all the boring repetitive crap out there.” You know you’re stroking my narcissistic ego, right? Thanks for making me feel appreciated!

          • Lol. I realized that after I typed it, but decided that I don’t give a fuck either way.

        • Dano

          I deleted the comment because I felt vulnerable- I put some thought into it and in the end, if you thought it was stupid- I would’ve been hurt- almost like a punch to my self-esteem. hahahaha i didn’t think you would still see it- but thanks for liking it.

          • Yeah, that makes sense. It was a good comment imo. But yeah, most people would probably think you’re a weirdo for saying such things.

            Although … I have sometimes been surprised about how open people can be, so who knows. Guess you can’t generalize.

      • Raven

        If you do this then you are the least amazing person. The most amazing person gets close to them because that is the only way to care for them and improve their lives. However, you can’t do it if you are a narcissist so you need to cure that first. It is possible to do and some people have done it. If you do cure it, and if you are also a covert narcissistic rather then an overt, then it is possible that in the future after that you could be the most amazing person and improve their lives. But only if you are also a Caring person.

    • Raven

      They ARE victims when you have done something to them. For example, maybe you ignored them so much, on purpose, that they literally tried to kill themself. Or maybe their children are permanently damaged because of some fight you had in front them. That is a victim it is not a “victim”. Though I am perfectly aware that many such sites do say horrible things about you. A site that tells the victim how to cope with the abuse they were given without saying horrible things about you then doesn’t need to be blamed.

      The first part for recommended methods by most people is DBT. Meditation alone may also help but only if you are open enough to accept it – and to accept meditation as a useful practice to begin with. The DBT will reduce paranoia, anxiety, and things like that.

      After that, eventually, maybe years later, but you have to do it in order to be fully be cured, is to remember and work through the initial abuse that actually happened to you, either some specific event or a mother who is abusive but you pretend she isn’t right now or some other thing. In a therapists office but what if you don’t accept therapists? Then with a girlfriend or sister who is caring including by physical touch, who you have already told some things about yourself to that you were scared to tell and they always every time caring for and helping you when you tell them…. Not the bad things or reasons you hate them but about something that happened to you.
      Maybe it’s possible to go through it alone I don’t know. But you may need to talk about what you’re feeling when you admit that that very bad thing happened. And it is scary to admit but its what caused the disorder in the first place. So when you rememeber it again and actively allow the feelings out, that’s what prevents you from keeping the other feelings in forever of things that have happened since then and new things that happen, and when the feelings from those things are out it will stop you from hating others and hating yourself as well because you don’t see bad things when there are just normal things anymore and when a fight with someone happens then you can argue logically and argue the “right” way instead of the crazy one that makes everyone hate you and you hate everyone.

      So the first thing to do could be DBT…. look it up.

      There is also a floating therapy where you float in a pool and don’t talk to anyone, and some other types of therapies and methods.

      There is also more then one person writing about this who does something other then just insult you, but Beware – If you see people on YouTube, a fee are Overt Narcissists who are lying and a much larger number are just wrong and say “covert narcissism” when they are really just talking about a overt narcissistic who pretends to be nice when he’s outside the house. However, some people on YouTube may be correct in information. I don’t know how many of such people are useful to the sufferer (you) instead of to the victim (a girlfriend), some are useful to both.

      There is also music about/for covert narcissists. Pay closer attention to lyrics by Disturbed, of course he’s often talking about the bad part or wanting to kill people, the part that’s in your head when you are mad at someone who you think did something bad then goes away later and you know you don’t want to do anything bad. One of the music videos has very good advice. It shows a man in an office who wants to destroy the city with his mind, that the scene of destruction goes away so you can see him get into the elevator, he goes to a concert and does crowdsurfing instead of hurting anybody. Another person who writes songs for covert narcissts is Chris Ray Gun (the song: Reality Check), and there is one more famous one who I suspected (David Drain an is for sure, this other one is just suspected), but I can’t remember who this is. There is also Five Finger Death Punch but it’s all bad, and not in something that could be in a helpful way. Maybe Five Finger Death Punch is an Overt. I don’t think it’s a good idea I think it would make one more angry instead of less. But since I am a stranger that means you know yourself better then I do. However, if you are lucky there may be someone in your life who knows yourself better then you do, and if they still care about OR want to help you emotionally then that isn’t a bad thing that they know it. It’s a good thing because they can support you while you make the journey to improve.

      Even if you don’t care about the fact that you are a covert narcissist – you do care about the fact that you have anxiety, and are scared of things, and that people hate or abuse you. Well, if you don’t know it yet a large amount if that abuse to you is perceived and not true, but it causes stress anyway, so when you recover and cure covert narcissism which takes many years if you will he successful, then the other things that also go away are severe anxiety, being scared of everything, nightmares, personal fights, people hating you (since you will be treating them better they won’t need to start hating you anymore), you hating yourself, excessive anger, and a large amount of daily stress. All of those things will also go away if covert narcissism does. And yes, some of the abuse other people do towards you is probably real and they are really doing it – just not all of it and probably not most.